Fragments of me
by Xanderrocksthehouse
Summary: Buffy goes out on patrol and gets gassed by a demon with life altering consequences.She awakes to find she has no memory of her past. Her friends do her best with stories and trying to tell her who she is. What happens when you find you no longer want to be the person you were. All characters belong to Whedon. I will update on Monday 1 chapter a week. Reviews are appreciated. Thank
1. Chapter 1

Xander skipped down the steps whistling a jaunty tune with a smile on his face. He turned the corner in the hallway and stopped knocking on Buffy's door. Dawn came out her door across the hall seeing Xander.

"She's already gone Xander."

"Gone?"

"Yeah. She left for patrol."

Xander shook his head a look of anger on his face. He sighed feeling a little hurt. "I was supposed to go out on patrol with her." He looked down and shook his head. "I don't suppose she told you where she was doing patrol tonight?"

"You know Buffy. She doesn't tell anyone anything. Communication has never really been her strong suit."

"She at least took a couple of the girls for back up? Right?"

Dawn sighed and shook her head. "You know Buffy she has to do things her way."

Xander shook his head pissed off and walked away. "Screw this. I am going to find her and I'm going to kick her ass myself."

At Elmwood Cemetery Buffy was running through chasing an 8 foot tall orange scaled demon. The creature was sore tired and hurting. Buffy could smell the kill with in her grasp. The creature had a limp to its run. The beast used his last burst of energy to try to get away and hide. His speed carried him away from the slayer and he hid behind a mausoleum hoping he lost the slayer. As he turned to creep away he saw a foot connecting directly with him face. The demon flew 10 feet back as the slayer stood over him.

"Come on. You really didn't believe you could lose me that easy?" He was lying on his back trying to back away from her. Buffy walked towards him slowly. "Sorry pal but I think your days of bone crunching are pretty much done."

The demon looked up at Buffy and knew his options were limited. He had one last trick up his sleeve but if it didn't work he would be left powerless and vulnerable but if he didn't do it he would die. The silver dagger Buffy pulled out shined in the moonlight. As she threw the knife it connected directly in to the demons chest. He raised his arms pointing them directly at Buffy and the gills under his arms quickly released a purple hazy gas.

Before Buffy could react she took a face full of the noxious gas and stumbled back. She gasped for air hoping and praying what ever it was she breathed in wasn't toxic or poisonous. Her head started spinning and she fell back holding her chest as she gasped for air.

The demon used this as his opportunity to pull the knife out of its chest. The yellow blood coated the silver blade and the knife stuck in to the ground as he staggered to his feet. He looked at the slayer gasping for air. He was with in a hairs breath of dying where he stood and that was the only thing that kept him from killing the slayer right there.

Buffy rolled over on her back and saw the beast scurrying away. She looked at the night sky and wondered if this was the last thing she would see. Her breath quickened faster and faster till she could take no more and passed out.

Xander had already been through Crestridge and Moundview he was starting to get frustrated. Buffy had told him she would stop doing patrols alone and even gave her word that he could join her. He shook his head and just kept driving. "Where the hell are you Buffy?"

Buffy lay motionless in the cemetery. She had been there almost an hour undiscovered when someone not so friendly found her. At first the lowly vampire thought he stumbled upon a dumb girl who fell asleep in the graveyard. Upon further inspection though he knew this was another prize all together. Every vampire in Cleveland knew the Slayer's face. Most of them knew it because it meant turn around and run the other way

When he was alive he was known as David Goldberg mid level accountant at Bryce Waterman Ad Agency. When he was sired though he adopted a new name and new life. He adopted the name Slasher and ditched the 3 piece suit in favor of your cliché black leather coat and reject biker gear.

The vampire inched slowly towards her afraid it might be a trap. He could hear her breath and slow soft snore. He smiled realizing he was going to kill a slayer. He bared his fangs and dropped to his knees ready to feed. He was so excited at the prospect of killing a slayer he didn't hear the car approach.

Xander jumped out of the car spotting Buffy on the ground. His heart skipped a nervous beat afraid for her. The vampire about to feed on her suddenly was tackled to the ground.

The vampire rolled on to his side and away from him. He didn't know who Xander was or what business he had there. "Who the hell are you?"

Xander quickly hopped to his feet reaching for the only weapon he had on him. In retrospect the wooden stake wasn't as good of a choice as the battle axe on his front seat but he was worried for Buffy and ran with out thinking, "Doesn't matter who I am. Turn around and walk away and tell the tale to your vampire buddies about the time you almost killed the slayer."

Buffy's head was still spinning and it felt like her brain had been split with a pick axe but she was starting to wake up, She laid there on her back unable to move. She could hear though.

The vampire stood his ground in front of Xander. "You think you got what it takes to stop me boy?'

Xander gritted his teeth. All these years' later countless vampires staked and people still treated him like a joke. "Do the smart thing. You aren't the first vampire I've gone up against you won't be my last. This isn't a battle you can win."

"I don't' think you know how powerful I really am."

"You have been a vampire what, 3 maybe 4 weeks? I've been doing this 10 years." He hoped his talk would be enough to make the vampire back off but knew in his gut it wouldn't. "So Mister Vampire what is your name?'

"I'm Slasher the Unholy."

Xander couldn't help but laugh at the walking Vampire cliché. "Oh my God give me a break. You are Slasher The Unholy? Ironic considering the star of David you are wearing around your neck."

Slasher aka David Goldberg reached to his neck touching the symbol of his Jewish past. He was pissed that this insolent nobody was making fun of him. "You just shut up,"

"You should get in touch with Anne Rice and sell the story of Slasher The Unholy Jewish Vampire." The vampire had enough as he charged Xander leaving himself wide open for attack. Xander simply stepped to the side and raised the stake hitting the sweet spot right in his chest. Slasher looked shocked as he realized he started a fight he could not win. For Xander two words were enough. "Told ya."

With Slasher out of the picture Xander dropped the stake and ran to Buffy's side. He touched her neck feeling for a pulse and breathed a deep sigh of relief finding it steady and strong. A small groan and gasp escaped her lips.

"Oh God Buffy you okay?" She opened her eyes and looked around unsure of what was going on. She pulled herself up to a sitting position and had a glazed off far off look in her eyes.

"Was that you? I heard someone fighting?'

"Oh it was just a low level wanna be bad. He was kind of lame." He looked at Buffy's face and could tell something was wrong. "What happened here?'

She closed her eyes and tried to think. "I uhm. I don't know. I"

He wanted to tell her I told you so. He wanted to lay in to her about going out slaying alone. Until he knew she would be okay that could wait. "Buffy maybe we should get you home."

She stood up and looked around shaking her head. "What's going on?"

"Buffy I don't know? I mean you were knocked out when I got here."

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

"What?"

"Bunny? "

"Are you joking? I said Buffy. It's your name." Xander suddenly stepped to her thinking this might be more serious then first thought. "What do you remember?'

She looked up and around like a child seeing the night sky for the first time. She paused for a bit then looked back down to Xander unsure. "I woke up a few seconds ago and before that I'm not sure."

"What do you mean not sure? You remember me right. My name is?" He waited for her to say his name.

She opened her mouth ready to say something but nothing came out. She closed her eyes hoping the answer would be there. "I don't know."

He pushed forward grabbing her worried. He was worried she might have been bleeding or had taken a bump to the head. So he started inspecting her putting his hands on her shoulders. "Come here I want to see if you are bleeding or any bruise"

She pushed him back with all of her force sending him flying through the air and crashing to the ground with a loud thud. He groaned in pain. "What the hell Buffy?"

Buffy looked at her hands a little awestruck by what she just did. Her eyes were wide as pancakes. "You think you can just feel me up I don't know you."

He pulled himself up dusting himself off. Nothing was hurt except for his ego. First off I wasn't trying to feel you up. I was worried and was looking for any cuts or bumps that might explain why you can't remember anything and of course you know me I'm Xander."

"I'm sorry but that means nothing to me. I don't know you."

"Tell me this is a bad joke. I mean Buffy you are scaring me here."

"I'm sorry if you are scared. How the hell do you think I feel?" Xander stepped to her trying to touch her shoulder. She stopped him though backing up. "Don't touch me."

"Buffy I was just"

"I don't know you. You don't have a right to touch me so just back off."

"Buffy of course you know me. I have been your best friend going on 10 years."

"I should believe that because?"

"Why would I lie?"

"Here is what I know. You were just fighting someone 2 minutes ago and I wake up with no idea where I am, who you are."

Xander bit his lip trying to think of a way to convince her. Suddenly an idea hit him. "If you don't want to believe me then believe your eyes." Xander reached in to his back pocket for his wallet. He flipped through his wallet and stopped at a picture of Dawn, Willow, Buffy and himself . It was one of those goofy photos snapped in the moment. The 3 girls were all sitting on Xander as he lay on his stomach. Dawn on his shoulders Willow in the middle and Buffy on his butt. It was just a goofy lazy afternoon when the photo was snapped. He pulled the photo from the protector out of the wallet and slowly passed it to her

Buffy looked at the photo unsure of what she was looking for. "Okay I see the guy in the photo is you. Who are the other 3 girls?"

He just looked shocked that she was completely clueless. "It's your sister and Willow and the 3rd girl is you." It occurred to Xander if her mind was completely wiped clean then she wouldn't even know what she looked like. "Just follow me for one second please."

"Okay but keep your distance."

Xander walked to his car and pointed to the side view mirror. "Just look at yourself in the mirror." He backed up giving Buffy the opportunity to look. She walked over and slowly crept over looking in the mirror.

She looked back at her reflection seeing the blonde hair and blue eyes. She blinked a few times and stayed there for a little while studying her face as if it was the first time seeing it. After a while she pulled herself away from the mirror. "Wow I'm kind of pretty."

"That is your thought process Buffy? You can't remember anything but hey at least you are pretty."

"You aren't very nice."

Xander sighed and shook his head. "I am in over my head here. We need Giles on this one."

"Giles?"

"He's a friend of ours. We trust Giles Buffy. You trust Giles and he might be able to figure out what is going on. In order for that to happen you need to trust me. Let me take you home." Just then Xander spotted a few feet away the knife covered in the yellow demon blood.

"I don't know if I trust you but I don't have a lot of options right now." She saw Xander looking at something. "What are you looking at?"

Xander walked to the knife picking it up. "This might be a clue. It might help us to find out what happened to you."

"Oh well now that you have a sharp life ending weapon in your hand let me hop right in to your car I'm sure there is no way that can't end badly."

Xander rolled his eyes and opened the trunk dropping the knife in there. "Better?"

Buffy walked to the side door ready to get in but stopped and froze looking in on the front seat seeing the battle-axe. "What the hell?" She backed up looking at him with the eyes of distrust.

"It's not what you think Buffy. If you knew what was going on that wouldn't seem out of place."

"Right of course cause everyone carries an axe in the front seat."

"Buffy I'm worried about you. I don't know what happened and we don't have time to argue over who I am. For all we know the longer we wait the worse things could be getting." Buffy still looked at him with distrust. "Okay fine how about this. I'll give you the choice. We can either put the axe in the trunk or you can hold it in case I try something."

Buffy stepped to the car door inching towards the axe. "I'll hold it."

"Technically it's your axe anyways." He got in to the car and waited for Buffy to join him.

Buffy decided she wanted to give space between Xander and her. She got on the opposite side of his car and in the back seat. She held the axe in her hand. As she sat back she finally got an idea of where it was she was. "What the hell am I doing hanging out in the graveyard in the middle of the night?"

"Kind of a long story Buffy."

"Are you serious about that?"

"It's complicated and I'll explain it later." Xander started his car and slowly pulled out of the graveyard.

"No not the situation. I mean."

"What?"

"Is my name really Buffy? That's a nickname right?"


	2. Fragments of me 2

"I thought you said you were taking me to Niles not creepy murder building." She still held on to the axe looking at Xander wondering what he was thinking.

"1. his name is Giles not Niles. 2 This isn't creepy murder building. This is our home. It doesn't look like much now but it's getting there." Xander pulled around the side of the old school and parked in the lot shutting off the engine to his car. Buffy looked closer at the school and saw girls inside.

` "You said our home? We live together?"

"Buffy all your answers will come in time. Right now my priority is finding out who hit the reset button on your brain." Xander opened the car door and looked to Buffy. "Come on."

She took a deep breath and thought for a second. She looked to the axe in her hands and decided it was no longer needed. She got out of the car and followed Xander a few steps behind unsure. As Xander held the door open for her she read in big letters. _**Collinbrook Elementry K-5. **_"This is a school?"

"It was a school. Now it's home." Buffy headed through the doors and down the hallway. She looked around seeing broken doors, plywood where windows once was and the school in a general state of disrepair. Xander saw Noxi and Amanda walking in the east hall and called to them. "Noxi. Hey do you know where Giles is?"

The brunette looked to Xander and put her hands on her hips. "I think he's in the East Wing in his room. By the way I still have a hole in my floor."

He sighed and shook his head. "Noxi as soon as I have time I will fix it but in case you forgot I have a list of chores from holes in ceilings to rooms with no power and I am just one man."

Noxi wasn't happy with the answer but accepted it all the same.. "So Buffy get any good kills tonight?"

She looked on confused not sure what to say. "Kills?"

Xander shook his head "Sorry girls no time for chit chat we have to talk to Giles." He took Buffy's hand pulling her down the hall with a destination in mind. Through all the twists and turns Buffy kept her eyes open soaking everything in.

Finally they arrived at a small office. Once it was the principal's office but now it served as a makeshift bedroom. He knocked on the door and a exhausted groan could be heard from the other side of the door. It was most likely they woke Giles up. "What ever is going on this better be important." He grabbed his bathrobe tied it up an put on his glasses then open the door to find Xander and Buffy in front of him.

Xander looked at Giles. "You need to get up we got a problem."

Giles was still partially asleep yawned and looked to the two of them. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I found Buffy passed out in the graveyard and when she woke up she had no idea of who I was or anything at all from her past. She didn't even know her name."

Giles attention focused to Buffy and looked at her. He smiled kindly at her hoping to get a hint of some sort of recognition. "Buffy is this true?"

She looked at Giles and shrugged. "I'm not sure what's real."

Giles sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Get Willow up and go to the library we will start research immediately."

Xander nodded and looked to Giles. "Take care of Buffy for now. I'll go get Willow and explain things. We'll be there in 10 minutes." Giles sighed and opened the door for Buffy to his room. "Why don't you take a seat." He pointed to an old bench. It was an old piece of furniture left behind by the school. Giles quickly pulled together some clothes then stepped in to the side room so he could change. He talked to Buffy as he put his clothes on. "So you have no recollection of anything?"

"Well the guy that brought me here seems like a real ass."

"That's Xander he's one of your best friends."

"Really? Wouldn't have got that?"

"Xander is" He paused trying to find the right words. He reflected on his relationship with Xander. "Xander is difficult at first. Lord knows there were times early on I wanted to strangle him but he grows on you."

"And you are?"

Giles wanted to tell her he was her watcher but that was a longer story that would require more explanation. So he decided the best answer was a simple one. He finished buttoning up his shirt and pulled up his slacks and stepped out of the room to look at Buffy as he put on his glasses. He offered her a kind smile and a warm touch to her shoulder. "I am someone who cares for you very much."

Buffy looked at Giles then a sudden shot of fear jumped through her. "Oh my God. I'm one of those chicks that date father figures. Maybe it's more then date oh God are we married?" She quickly inspected her fingers for rings.

Giles stepped back for a second stumbling. "Oh calm your fears Buffy. When I meant I care for you it's more along the lines of a fathers love."

'Oh thank God. I mean not that you aren't nice and all. I mean you seem very kind and British I just."

"Well it's nice to know that the idea of dating me is such an act of revulsion." Giles opened the door and stepped out with Buffy following close behind.

Sabrina one of the slayers they had picked up long ago was just finishing her night patrol and on her way to her room when she passed Buffy and Giles in the hall. She smiled but said nothing as she passed. Buffy looked at Giles as the mystery continued building in her mind.

"Who are all these girls that live here?"

"They live here and we help to train them. We offer them guidance of sorts."

"So this is a school?"

"In the loosest of terms I guess."

"And I am a student here?"

"Buffy I want to answer all your questions but just wait a little longer please."

"You have no idea how hard this is. I am left completely in the dark and you and Xander won't tell me anything."

"Just come with me to the library and we will do what we can. We might even be able to find a way to reverse what was done and give you back your memories." He pulled open the door of the library for Buffy as she walked in.

It was a far cry from the library they had in Sunnydale. This library had a mural on the wall of various cartoon characters reading books. On the walls were various posters all spouting off on the power of reading. As she walked deeper in to the library she saw Xander sitting at a table across from a redhead she didn't recognize.

The redhead stood up and crossed the room to Buffy. She tilted her head. "Hey Buffy. Xander told me everything. I want you to know we have already started our research and we are going to get you back to your old self in no time."

"Thank you uhm." She wasn't sure what to call her.

"I'm sorry. My name is Willow. I am your friend."

Buffy smiled at Willow and took her hand shaking it as if they were meeting for the first time. "Thank you Willow."

Just then Xander stood and crossed the room to Giles. He had the silver dagger now wrapped in cloth. He carried it to Giles.

"I don't know if this means anything Giles but when I found Buffy I found this next to her."

Giles took the knife and inspected it. He looked at the yellow blood and sighed. Willow and Xander knew that look. It meant he knew something. "I will have to run test on this. I should start immediately."

Xander nodded "And we can hit the books."

Buffy shook her head and looked at Giles. "You know something?"

Giles sighed reluctant to give bad news. "Buffy of course I could speculate but that would be reckless and until we have concrete proof I don't feel it would be prudent to."

Buffy interrupted and stepped to him. "If you know something I want to hear it."

Memory gone or not she still had Buffy's spirit and didn't want to be left in the dark. Giles put the dagger on display in front of her. "If you can see the yellow on this blade I believe it to be blood."

Xander looked at Giles. "And the yellow blood means something?"

Giles nodded "Remember the rumor of the bone cruncher. You add that to the yellow blood the memory loss and it all points in one direction?"

The answer held more confusion for Buffy. "What in the hell is a bone cruncher and how can that be blood? Blood isn't yellow?"

Giles shook his head "Buffy it's complicated."

Willow stopped him. "Giles we have to tell her everything."

Giles looked at Willow not sure she was right. "I know we have to but I'm not sure this soon is."

Buffy didn't let him finish. "I have every right to know and I want answers."

Giles nodded and pointed to one of the chairs. "Have a seat please and we shall do our best to answer."

Buffy sat in a purple plastic chair. It was small but worked. She looked at the three of them. There was obviously a nervous anxiety between them. It was like the news they were about to tell her would change her life forever.

Giles took off his glasses wiping them. "In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone must" Xander sighed and shook his head thinking he was going to scare the hell out of Buffy.

"Oh God Giles not the whole she alone must face the forces of darkness crap."

Giles looked at his criticism and sighed. "It a key part of her origin."

Willow looked to both of them. "Shut up and lets just be direct. Buffy you are a Vampire Slayer!"

Xander looked shocked. "Wow just blurting it out."

Buffy listened at the ranting of the 3 stooges and looked at them like they were crazy. "Vampires? As in the kind like in movies and tv?"

Giles approached the table sitting across from her. "Well sort of?"

Xander took the chair on her other side. "Not the Twilight Vampires I mean they don't really sparkle."

Willow then took the last seat on Buffy's side. "Not the Anne Rice kind either."

Buffy looked even more confused. "Twilight? Anne Rice?" She sighed and put her hands in her head staring at the table. "You people are insane."

Giles took a breath trying to comfort her. "I know this is hard to accept."

Buffy jumped up and pushed away from all of them. "Is this some kind of joke to all of you? This is my life. I don't know who I am and you use this as an opportunity to joke. I don't find this funny."

Xander stood up and looked her in the eye. "I get where you are coming from 100 percent. If I were in your place I'd have the same reaction. Hell to be honest I kind of did when I found out."

Willow slowly inched towards Buffy. "There is going to be a lot of things you will find hard to believe. Things that logic and common sense will tell you aren't possible. That is what we do here. On a daily basis we do the impossible."

Buffy shook her head stepping back from Willow. "I believe you do something. A lot of something but the word is drugs not impossible."

Xander was getting frustrated now. He crossed his arms. "Okay you tell me then why were you in a graveyard?"

Buffy thought for a second and smiled coming up with an explanation. "Ritual Sacrifice. For all I know you and your buddies here were going to kill me and when I woke up I ruined all of that."

Xander's jaw dropped that she still had such a level of distrust. "I saved your life. You were about to be vamp chow."

Giles looked at Xander. "You never mentioned a vampire."

He shrugged. "I didn't think it was important. When I found her she was passed out and just about to feed on her." He then looked at Buffy "AND WOULD HAVE had I not once again saved your ass."

Buffy's brow furrowed staring at Xander. "You are so mean." She then focused on Willow. "You tell me these things but you can't offer any proof right?"

Willow sighed and looked at her "Well we are to close to Sunrise so any vamps to slay would be hard to find right now but we could show you a training video we made for the other girls."

Buffy stood skeptically. "You want to show me a video? Right cause videos can't be manipulated with special effects." The words Willow said then struck her. "Wait other girls? You mean to tell me you have the other girls here believing this line of crap."

Giles just paced not sure what to say where Xander was just getting more and more pissed. Finally Xander smiled and came up with an idea. "She wants proof we can give her proof. Sort of."

Willow looked at Xander confused. "You happen to have a vampire on hand she can stake."

He shook his head. "Nope I do not have a vampire. What I do have is a very powerful witch capable of some amazing magic. It's not a vampire but it's a starting base. Maybe we show her a little of the so called impossible it will be a building block for trust."

Giles stepped forward with his objection. "Now I'm not sure this is the most prudent of choices. Magic is to be used responsibly and not as some sort of parlor trick."

Willow looked at Giles. "No one understands more then me the whole respect the balance and order of magic Giles but I think Xander might be right."

Willow sighed and started thinking of what she could show Buffy. Then it hit her. "I can't give you back your memories because you don't have access to them but I could show you some of Xander's."

Now Xander was the reluctant "Whoa whoa whoa. I don't want her rooting around in my head. My private thoughts are mine for a reason."

Buffy looked at him "Typical. Of course you say you can offer proof but have no real intent on ever giving any."

Willow looked at Xander. "This spell isn't like that. You focus on one memory. You should pick something with her fighting a vampire or demon and this spell will place the thought in her mind. It doesn't give her access to everything in your mind just this one little thought."

Buffy snickered "Not that he's capable of any big thinking."

Xander gritted his teeth. "Let's do this." He looked at Buffy "Unless you are afraid."

Buffy looked reluctant but wasn't going to back down and show she was chicken after Xander said that. "Fine. What ever."

Willow looked at Xander "Get the memory in your head. Focus on that and only that and tell me when you are ready." Xander closed his eyes and thought back.

He remembered junior year in high school. He went with Buffy to a fellow students wake. Theresa was a student Angel had sired as a way to get in to Buffy's head. Of course Theresa woke up and attacked Buffy in full vamp form. Ready to feed on Buffy it was Xander who staked Theresa saving Buffy.

The memory held all the things Buffy needed to see. It had a vampire in full bumpy forehead mode attacking, then the vampire exploding in to dust as it was staked. It was just an added bonus to Xander that he was the one who was saving her butt. He gave Willow a simple nod to show he was ready.

Willow touched Xander forehead and then Buffy's. She acted as a bridge carrying the thought from him in to her. Buffy stood there skeptically with her eyes closed. She figured there was no way in hell this would work.

Then the memory hit her. It flooded her mind and it was like she was there. It was terrifying and she started regretting letting Willow do this. When it was done Willow broke the touch. Buffy's eyes popped open and she looked a pale white.

Willow wanted to offer her some comfort. "I know it's intense but."

Buffy shook her head "I'm going to be sick." She ran to the trash can vomiting.

Willow looked at Xander "What did you show her?"

"It was just a vampire from high school. "

Giles went to Buffy's side. She was still stooped over on the floor her head in the wastebasket. He rubbed her back and sighed. "That's not an uncommon reaction for most of the girls when they find out the truth."

A pang of guilt went through Xander maybe the memory he passed to her was too harsh. He walked to her side. "I apologize if I didn't pick out the right memory to show you. I probably" He shook his head. "You are in good hands with Giles and Willow." He looked to them "I'm going to let you two take it from here."

Buffy got her head out of the trash can and looked up just in time to see Xander leaving out the door. She was starting to regain her composure and looked to Giles. "Okay so maybe I believe you about the vampire thing but how does that explain why I can't remember anything?"

Giles pulled Buffy up and to her feet. He walked her back sitting her at the table. "Well after looking at the blade I started rationalizing what demons or beasts are known for having yellow blood. What have we heard has been active in the area and lastly what would explain memory loss."

Willow sat down and looked at Giles. "What did you come up with?"

Giles crossed the library past the books about friendship and sharing, instead he came back with a big dusty volume on demonology. He remained silent as he flipped through the pages looking. Finally he cleared his throat. "Yes here is the fellow I am looking for. He's called a Pilates Demon."

Willow looked on confused. "Pilates? Like the exercise with all the bending?"

Giles rolled his eyes and sighed. "This Demon is a great deal older then any exercise routine but yes it is pronounced the same." Giles turned the book to face Buffy. On the first page was a crudely drawn picture of the beast.

Buffy looked at it and shook her head "It doesn't look familiar."

Giles shook his head. "It wouldn't. This creature when it gets in defense mode has a survival mode that he only uses as a last ditch survival attack. When he feels threatened much like a skunk he releases a gas that incapacitates its victims."

Buffy looked confused. "Skunk?"

Willow smiled "It's a small black and white forest creature that sprays you if he feels he is in danger."

Buffy looked confused "And this skunk makes you forget."

Willow laughed, "No it just makes you stink."

Giles pointed to the drawing in the book. "No this creature has a noxious gas and it has a chemical reaction with the part of your brain that involves your memory."

Willow interjected "It's the hippocampus that involves your short term memory and cerebellum is where your long term memories are stored."

Buffy looked confused again by the words hippocampus and cerebellum. She just nodded. "That was what I was going to guess."

Willow smiled at the chance to once again show her book smarts. "So what do we have to do? Kill the demon and she gets all of it back?"

Giles had a worried look on his face. "It's not that simple. Killing the demon won't change anything. I mean it should be killed to prevent this thing from happening to someone else but it won't put the memories back in her mind."

Buffy looked at Giles hopefully. "What will?"

Giles picked up the book reading hoping to give her good news. "The gas has a differing effect on everyone. It works on a molecular level and some people never regain."

Buffy's eyes suddenly went wide with fear. "You mean I could be stuck this way forever."

"Not necessarily but that is a possibility."

Willow patted Buffy's hand. "Hey don't panic. I mean if you don't remember who you are then we can fill you in on your past. We know who you are so you won't be completely blind to who you were."

Buffy nodded but looked like she wanted to cry. She remained strong and silent. Finally after a few minutes she looked to Giles. "I guess I will make it work. Would it be okay if for now though I get some rest. I'm kind of tired and this is a lot to take in all at once."

Giles nodded. "Of course I can't imagine what you have been through."

Buffy stood up and looked at the door but realized she didn't know where she was going. "Do you think one of you can show me where to go?"

Willow stood up. "Of course your room is on the way to mine. I'll get you where you need to go."

"Thank you." She closed her eyes trying to remember the name she was told but hadn't quite remembered it yet. "I'm sorry I forgot what your name is."

"It's Willow and don't worry it will all come in time."

Giles looked at Buffy "Things will look better in the morning. Once you have some sleep in you."

She didn't say anything just nodded. Willow led the way down the hallway. Finally when they got to Buffy's room she looked to Buffy. "I know things seem bad but if there is anything I can tell you to make you feel better. We are Scoobies and Scoobies always find a way to come out on top. We win. It's what we do and we will figure this out."

"Scoobies?"

"Just get some sleep the answers will come later." Buffy nodded then entered the bedroom. She turned the lights on and hoped the familiar surroundings would offer some explanation as to who she was. It felt like she was trespassing in the room of a stranger though.

Across from her bed was a dresser with a few pictures on top. She picked up the frame and examined the photo. It was obviously a few years older. The picture was of Willow and Xander and herself. It brought back no memories. She sighed and put it down. She then opened the dresser drawer to find a wooden stake and a simple knife. She quickly closed the drawer afraid of what else she might discover. She looked up at the mirror seeing her reflection and one simple question entered her mind. "Who are you?"


	3. Chapter 3

Xander sat his usual table in the cafeteria. He had two cups of hot chocolate. He brought Buffy back to the school just a little after 2 AM and Dawn was sleeping. She still hadn't been told anything about her sister. Xander wasn't looking forward to it but knew he should be the one to prepare her.

Like clock work Dawn showed up at 8:15 looking around the cafeteria. Xander smiled and waved at her. She made a b line to Xander. "Morning Xander."

"Hey Dawnie I got you a cup of coco and some pop tarts."

She frowned knowing something was up. "Oh God what's wrong?"

"Why does something have to be wrong?"

"Every time there is bad news you greet me with some kind of food."

"Am I that predictable?"

"Is it Buffy?" She felt a lump in her throat always afraid for the worst.

"Buffy is in her room sleeping. Last night though patrol she ran in to this demon and." He sighed trying to find the best way to say.

"Oh God Xander please don't drag this out. Just say it."

"Remember a few months before my almost wedding when Willow did the magic whammy on our memories. Well it's like that only it's not a spell. This demon expels this kind of gas and it wipes the part of your brain that stores all your long term memories"

"What does she remember?"

Xander sighed and shook his head. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She doesn't remember me. Last night I showed her a picture of herself and she didn't even recognize her face."

"Can Willow fix this? What about a spell or something?"

"We are seeing what we can find but so far we are thinking we are going to have to all help out. We are going to have to all help out."

"Help out?"

"Tell her a few stories to fill in some of the empty holes."

"I can't imagine how scared she must be."

"Your sister is strong and I'm not talking about arm wrestling Superman strong. She is strong where it counts."

"How is she?"

"To be honest I think she doesn't like me very much."

"You are kidding."

"Nope. For some reason she got along with Giles and Willow but I was just ticking her off."

"Well don't give up on her."

"Giving up isn't really my style Dawnie."

"I wish you would stop calling me Dawnie. I am a woman now." She sipped her coco and smiled.

Xander grabbed a napkin and dabbed the end of her nose. "A woman with whip cream on the tip of her beak."

She laughed and looked at Xander. "So do you think I should wait to see her?"

"Actually I don't. I think you should finish your coco then go find her. She needs to know she has a good support center."

"You want to come with me."

"Oh no no no no. I am keeping my distance for a little bit. I mean I'll see her again soon I just want to give her time to adapt first."

Dawn stood up and grabbed her coco. "Maybe I should start off on the right foot." She smiled "I know I'll bring her some coffee."

"That could work?"

"Give it a shot and hope for the best." Dawn smiled and went through the line getting a coffee and making it just the way Buffy liked, cream and two equal.

Buffy was just waking up but not ready to get out of bed. She laid in her bed a little afraid of the day. It was strange to sleep with out any memories. She had no dreams that night and while the sleep was restful it was a strange feeling. She continued lying there until she heard a knock at her door.

"Who is it?'

"It's Dawn Buffy."

"Dawn?"

Dawn sighed realizing she needed more of an introduction. "I'm your sister."

"Oh." Buffy sat up in the bed and sighed, "You can come in."

Dawn opened the door and slowly stepped in the room. "So I talked to Xander and he filled me in on your situation."

"I'm sure he did."

"Wow that sounded hostile."

"Sorry I know he's your friend but me and him didn't start off in the best place." "Xander isn't just my friend. He's your best friend."

"Well you didn't come here to talk about Xander did you?"

"No I actually thought you could use some coffee."

"Coffee?"

"You usually have a cup in the morning?" Dawn held the cup in front of her. Buffy looked at it reluctant but took it.

"Well if this is what I do.' Buffy put the cup to her mouth and took a sip. The look on her face obviously wasn't a happy one. She swallowed it and looked at Dawn. "It's terrible."

"I made it just the way you like cream and two packets of artificial sweetener."

"It's so bitter." She shook her head "You tell me I actually like this stuff?"

"You drink a cup every day."

She looked at the cup again reluctant to take another drink. "Okay well if this is what I do." She took another drink making a face.

"Buffy you don't have to finish that. Just give it back to"

"No. This is what I have to do I will do it." She looked to Dawn hoping to distract from the horrible taste in her mouth again. "So how exactly do I know you again?"

"I'm your sister."

A look of guilt crossed Buffy's face. "I'm sorry that I can't remember. You are my family and I have this blank spot."

"It's not your fault Buffy. We are family though and we'll get through this together."

"Any ideas?"

"Well you have a school full of people who love and care bout you. We know enough about you that we can help to fill in some of those holes."

"That isn't a terrible idea."

Dawn sat down on Buffy's bed pulling her feet up sitting Indian style. "We can start with me. I told you my name is Dawn and I am your sister but it's kind of more complicated then that?"

"How so?"

"Well I guess my stories starts a few years ago with this hell God named Glory ya see I'm technically a Key."

Buffy had a confused look on her face "A what?"

It was just after 10 30 when Willow came knocking on Xander's door. He called from the other side of the room. "Come in."

Willow walked in to find Xander going through some cardboard boxes he had stored in his closet. Upon closer inspection Willow noticed the boxes Xander was going through were marked Sunnydale. "Whatcha doing Xander?"

He continued looking through the boxes and pulled out a video tape, then a yearbook. He finally turned his attention to Willow. "Well if memory is a problem for Buffy then maybe we can show her physical proof of who she is."

"That's a good idea but." She bent down and picked up the tape. "Do we even have a VCR to play this thing on."

He couldn't help but laugh. "Cut me some slack here." He found the last tape and stood up. "I want you to give this stuff to Buffy."

"It's your idea Xander why don't you give it to her?"

"She doesn't really like me right now."

"Xander it was just a first impression. She was afraid and a lot was going on."

"Yeah you could be right. I just."

Willow could see the look of worry in her friend's eye. "What?"

"What if this isn't temporary Willow and this new Buffy just doesn't like me. In one lousy swoop I lost my best friend."

"That isn't going to happen."

"Why not?"

"How many new girls have we brought in since Sunnydale? These were all girls who knew nothing about you but now how many of them would take a bullet for you?"

"None of them are Buffy though. She's stubborn and bullheaded." Xander sighed and once again pushed the tapes and books in to Willow's hands. "Just give these to her."

"Okay but you could be panicking for no reason. Giles said there is a chance she could regain her memory entirely."

"Speaking of Giles I have to see him so I will catch up with you later update me on the whole Buffy situation if anything changes."

"You know I will."

He left Willow to stand there as he ran out the door. He knew Giles would be in the library and most likely looking for a way to fix Buffy's memory. Sure enough as he walked in Giles was sitting reading some ancient text. Xander cleared his throat as Giles looked up.

"Oh Xander? I was just reading about memory loss."

"Find anything?

"Sadly no."

"You look exhausted Giles you should get some sleep."

Giles rubbed his eyes and closed the book. "I suppose wearing myself out won't do Buffy any good."

"Before you hit the hay I have a favor to ask?"

Giles started walking as Xander followed. "What is on your mind?"

"Well I need a distraction. I know is Faith isn't due back for at least 2 weeks so I was kind of hoping you would let me head up her patrol unit."

Giles looked a little surprised. "You want to get back in to the field?"

"You know I'm qualified. My battle strategies have saved how many lives? The girls listen to me. I have"

"Xander stop. You know you don't have to rattle off your victories to me. If it means that much to you then it's yours. To be honest Vi was complaining about having to be the leader. Something about being more of a soldier then a general."

"Thanks Giles."

"So when do you want to start?"

"How about tonight?"

"I trust you'll talk with Vi and the other girls under your charge."

"You get some sleep. I will take care of the rest."

Buffy's eyes grew wider listening to story after story from Dawn. It was intense to say the least. Buffy stood up and looked at her sister. "So this Demon had everyone singing?"

"And dancing. The choreography was kind of amazing."

"All of this seems unbelievable?"

"That is our life. Then there was this time the Gentlemen came to visit and they took all our voices."

Buffy shook her head. "Enough. I mean for now at least. I feel like" She started to pace running her fingers through her hair. "I think I should get a shower then maybe some air."

"Was it too much? Was it the skin-eating demon? That grosses a lot of people out."

"Dawn it's fine and I thank you for trying to help. I just feel cooped up in here"

"Well my room is just across the hall."

"I think I want to look around a little. See what I can figure out." Buffy crossed the room to her sister and pulled in to a hug. It sent a bit of a surprise through Dawn. She wasn't used to Buffy being so up front with her emotions and feelings. "Thank you Dawn. For everything."

"No problem. I'll check in on you later." Dawn turned leaving her sister to get her shower and felt there was something she was forgetting to tell her. She felt a little better and felt Buffy could deal with what was to come.

Xander was standing in the hallways talking to Vi. Dawn saw the smile on her face and then grabbing Xander in a rib crushing hug. Dawn laughed and waited for the conversation to end. Vi closed her door and Xander saw Dawn looking at him.

"Hey Dawn."

"What was that all about?"

"Oh I was just asking Vi if she would mind me taking over her position as leader of the squad."

"I take by her reaction she was happy to hand it over."

He nodded and put his hands in his pockets. "So how did things go with Buffy?"

"She doesn't like coffee anymore? I told her maybe it would take some getting used to."

"Coffee isn't a huge game changer."

"I filled her in on some of the demons we fought and the whole key thing." Xander had a conflicted look on his face. "You don't think that was a good idea?"

"Dawn you have a ton of girls here who are going to be able to give her every war story. You are the only sister here though. You are the only one who can share memories of Birthdays and your mom."

"I guess I didn't think of that."

"Work on being her sister let the others make her the slayer."

"I like that. Thanks."

"What is she doing now?"

"Oh she's going to take a shower and then look around."

"You reminded her about the busted hot water heater right?"

"Oh God I." She just remembered what it was she was going to tell Buffy. She quickly went to the door to knock but stopped as she heard the howl of shock from her sister as she discovered the ice cold shower.

Xander couldn't help but laugh. "I'm betting she just found out."


	4. Fragments of me 4

It didn't take long for word to spread through out the school about Buffy and her memory loss. Giles explained to the slayers that now was the time Buffy would need to count on them all more then ever.

Buffy had spent the last two hours walking around the dilapidated school. The place looked like it was condemned. Willow was just heading to the east wing on the school when she spotted Buffy outside standing by a broken slide. She smiled coming over. "Hey Buffy."

"Willow right."

"I see you are learning."

"Trying to at least?"

"So what are you doing?"

"Well I wanted to take a look around. This place is pretty busted up."

"Yes it is but it beats the alternative. After Sunnydale we."

"Sunnydale? That was the giant crater in California. My sister called it the hell mouth."

"That's right. Do you remember any of that?"

Buffy shook her head. "Everything I know I learned from the internet. One of the nice girls in the library helped me to pull up some articles."

"Yeah well all of the newspapers blamed Sunnydale on a great big sink hole. They talked about tectonic plates shifting. "

"Really?"

"People always want to find a way to justify that which can't be explained. So you fill in the blanks with easy answers"

"So after Sunnydale?"

"We spent the better part of a year traveling around the country in a school bus. We were recruiting slayers and always on the move. Most nights we didn't have money for motels for everyone so we lived out of the bus a whole lot."

"Everyone lived in one bus?"

"It wasn't fun but you do what you need to."

"So if you guys were broke how did you get this place?"

"It took some doing but I was finally was able to tap in to the former watcher councils funds. With out a council in place we figured we were the most viable deserving choice for that money. We spent 3 months scouting locations big enough that we could afford."

Buffy shook her head "What bone head picked this place?"

"That would be you?" Willow laughed patting Buffy's shoulder. "You said as busted up as it was it had potential. It was the only place big enough not just for what we are but room for expansion if we bring in more girls."

"But it looks like it's about to fall over."

"Funny thing is you were the one to sell us on this place. Not that it was a hard sell. Well at least for most of us."

"Most of us?"

"Xander was the hold out?"

"Of course he was. It was my idea so I'm sure that he had to just be the voice of no."

Willow shook her head. "Buffy he was reluctant because this place was in a state of disrepair. He said this school could all be fixed it could be great again but that he knew most of the burden of that would fall on him. Can't really blame him for not wanting to take on such a monumental task."

Buffy sighed and realized maybe she was being harsh on the place so many of them called home. "I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful. I'm sure this place isn't that bad."

"I will take this over a school bus any day. Come on lets go inside I have something I want to show you."

Buffy followed Willow in to the school. "What are you going to show me?"

"Kind of a surprise something I set up."

"Hey I have been looking through the photos on my dresser."

"The old one from high school."

"I guess. I noticed something about Xander though." She bit her lip trying to find a way to ask. "What happened to his eye?"

Willow sucked in a breath of air. "Buffy there are some stories that are mine to share with you and some that you probably should go to the source for. It's not really my place to tell that story."

She sighed a little confused not sure where they were going? "So what is the plan?"

Willow opened the door. "This is the old school media room. In most schools you have cutting edge technology with DVD players and flat screens. What we have though is almost as good." She opened the door in the center of the room was a 25 year old television and a VCR. "So I figured maybe watching some old videos from your past looking through year books and photo albums might help."

Buffy looked at Willow smiling. "I can see why you are my best friend." Buffy hugged her and Willow hugged back welcoming the embrace.

"I've also talked with the other slayers. Some of them know you they are going to help with memories. With everyone here we will have you remembering who you are in no time."

Buffy sat down at the table looking through the tapes and books. She sighed "Any suggestions on where to start?"

Willow looked through the tapes trying to decide and picked one out. "This is a good one. We were celebrating graduating and not being eaten by the giant snake mayor. We had a BBQ at your moms. It was fun." Willow put the tape in to the VCR and pushed play. "Watch a couple but take em slow. Don't over load your brain."

Buffy watched the on screen celebration. They all seemed so happy. She flipped through the photo albums looking at the pictures. It seemed foreign and oddly strange to Buffy. She knew the person on the screen was her but she didn't recognize the actions. She saw she smiled but didn't know what the cause of it was.

Xander was nailing the new floorboards in place for Noxi in her room. The hole was gone but the wood still stuck out terribly. It was a different color and the floor and needed sanded. Giles would tell Xander the job was sufficient and well done. There were 100's of repairs that needed done so Giles encouraged him to do a quick fix and move on to the next repair, saying there would be time to come back for the details later.

Xander understood the logic but a part of his brain felt strange leaving something so unfinished. It added an extra hour but a little sanding and some mixing and matching of the right varnish and sealant and the floor looked perfectly blended.

Xander was just packing his tools up when the 17 year old girl entered the room and saw the once gaping hole now gone. She practically tackled him in to a hug. "You fixed the hole."

"Well I had a few minutes and needed something to keep me busy." Xander kept packing his tools away.

The redhead looked at Xander and sat on the edge of her bed. "I heard about Buffy. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry for me or even for her. This is Buffy Summers she will be fine. I promise it."

"Have you seen her yet today?"

He shook his head. "I am giving her space."

Noxi sighed, "There is one last thing I wanted to talk to you about before you go."

"Come on I just fixed the hole in your floor. What do you want next?"

She smiled knowing she was fairly predictable and easy to read. "Well I heard you are now on lead for Faith's team."

"Just till she gets back."

"Well I was kind of hoping to join up."

"Noxi I think you are capable but."

"But what?"

He sighed for a minute. "This is Faith's squad and I don't know if I have the right to make that kind of choice."

"Fine then just put me on in a temporary position. If she wants to kick me back to B team when she takes over again that is fine I won't even argue it."

Xander stood up his hands on his hips and thought about it for a second. "Fine. You can come out with me tonight if all goes well maybe."

She jumped up and down giddy clapping her hands. "Thank you I promise you won't regret it."

"We meet in the loading dock down by the vans at 8 pm if you are late you don't go."

She nodded. "I'll be there I promise." With that he stood up and walked out the door and down the hallway. Willow seen him from down the hall and called to him.

"Xander stop."

He turned at her and smiled. "Hey Willow."

"Hey I wanted to tell you Buffy is watching the videos and looking through the year books and photo albums."

"That's great Will."

"Video and pictures are only going to get us part way there. She's going to need to reach out and listen. All of us working together to fill in the blanks are what it will take."

"What about the whole Vulcan mind meld whammy you pulled in the library."

"That was a one time thing Xander too much of that isn't good for you. Human mind isn't meant to have all these memories jammed in to them. It would drive her to eventual insanity and make her question what's real and what isn't."

"So good old fashioned one on one time."

"She asked me about you?"

"Really?"

Willow nodded reluctant to tell him. "She wants to know how you lost your eye."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her it wasn't my place to give her that story. She should talk to you about it."

"Thank you."

"So what are you going to tell her if she asks?"

He started walking along side Willow not sure what the right answer is. "I don't know. I mean it's no mystery that Buffy shoulders the burden for this. If I can spare her of that shouldn't I?"

"Maybe? Remember though this is Buffy she's not made of glass. She's a tough girl."

"Where is she right now?"

"Media room watching some of the videos."

"Thanks Will."

"Whatcha going to do?"

"Well I figure it is time to take another stab at connecting with her."

"Good luck."

With that he took off down the hall. He stopped at the supply closet quickly putting the tools inside. When he arrived in the media room it sounded silent from the inside. He knocked on the door. "Buffy?"

He stepped inside to find the room empty. The books were spread through out the table along with the videos. The chair was empty though. He sighed thinking she left. Casually he flipped through the first book that was closest to him. He heard the door knob turn and spun around. "Buffy?"

Buffy looked at Xander a little surprised he was there. "Xander? What are you doing here?"

"Oh I wanted to come to you and talk to you about last night and."

Buffy's eyes focused on the book that was in his hand. "And read my diary. These are private thoughts." She quickly snapped the book out of his hands. "What gives you the right?"

He suddenly looked at the book that was in Buffy's hand. "Oh No I wasn't reading I just picked it up and."

"I stopped to get a drink and I come in here to find you nosing through my things."

He laughed at her "You have to be joking If I wanted to read your diary I could have done it already. Who do you think it was that spent last night rooting through the basement looking for all this stuff?"

"So you admit that you have been rooting through my things."

Suddenly the fire that was there last night and dissipated through out the day was back. "You are unbelievable. I can't believe I actually came here to."

"To?"

"Forget it. I have rooting around to do. Maybe I'll go peak through your secret things cause lord knows they are SOooooooooo interesting."

"Or you could do something useful and fix the water in my shower."

"Oh I'll get right on that Princess."

Buffy heard Princess and suddenly her blood boiled. "GET OUT."

"With Pleasure." He slammed the door as he left her there.

Noxi and Dawn watched Xander storming out of the room. They heard the argument through the walls. Dawn awkwardly looked to Noxi. "So you think that went well?"


	5. Fragments of me 5

It took a while for Buffy to come out of her shell but eventually she reached out to others. It started with having breakfast with Dawn. She would have lunch with various slayers and finish her evening with a bite to eat with Giles and Willow. Xander stopped trying to reach out to Buffy.

He wasn't ready to call his friendship to her dead yet but this new Buffy had to be approached differently and he hadn't quite figured out the formula. A few days later Buffy started attending a couple of the group training sessions. Her memories might have disappeared but her reflexes and skills were as sharp as ever.

Dawn stood in the gym door watching Buffy spar with another slayer. Giles barked out directions and orders like a coach giving tips for a wrestling match. Willow came up behind Dawn.

"Your sister seems to be doing well."

"It's great mostly."

"Mostly?"

"It's just that." She turned away and faced Willow. "Before the memory loss when was the last time Buffy trained with any of the girls. She would wait till the gym was empty and then she would train."

"Dawn with out her memory she's become a lot more dependent on others."

"It is just I feel guilty because a part of me wonders if this new Buffy is better then the old. I feel like I'm betraying her memory by feeling that way."

"Dawn she is Buffy and maybe she won't be the same person she was but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing."

"Ask Xander if it's a bad thing?"

Willow sighed and looked at Dawn. "Hey I'm not ready to give up on a friendship between them yet." She smiled a little. "If you think Buffy and Xander fought can you imagine when she meets Faith."

"Lock the weapons chest."

"Actually I talked to Faith for the first time in 2 weeks."

"You told her about Buffy?"

"And she is going to tell Spike, Angel and Andrew when the time is right."

"Time is right?"

"Well they are mounting a massive attack against a demon under lord of Glory like proportions. Wouldn't be the best battle strategy to put that in there head before charging in to battle. Anyways she told me that it's going to be at least another 2 to 3 weeks before she is back."

Dawn let go of a deep breath. "You know some where out there are people who have real lives. They go to work and kiss a loved one good bye and no where in their daily routine do they think about killing demons or vampires."

"Must be nice."

"Lucky bastards."

Just then the school bell had rung out reminding them it had been 2 hours. The girls stopped sparring and Giles started handing out towel. "Okay you all did very well today. Get something to eat then study." Buffy got to the back of the line to get a towel.

She smiled at Giles as he handed it to her. "Giles you do have a minute or two."

"Well I have to prepare the study session for some of the girls but you can walk with me to my office."

"Great."

Giles picked up his stride walking to his office with Buffy close behind. Buffy blotted the towel against her skin wiping off the sweat. "How are you feeling today?"

"Good mostly. I am learning new things everyday."

"That's wonderful."

"Sometimes."

"What do you mean?"

"Well some of the things I learn about myself I'm not entirely sure I approve of the choices I have made but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What is on your mind?"

"I feel like I do best when I'm doing the things she would do."

"She?"

"The old me." Giles nodded understanding. "So I think how would she handle this situation?"

"What did you come up with?"

"I want to go out on patrols."

Giles stopped walking and turned looking at her. "Buffy given your current state I'm not sure it would be safe for you to be out there"

"Giles you've seen me spar you know my skills are still there. I am a slayer and on some level this is what I'm wired to do. I feel like this could be key to helping me."

"I'm not saying you're wrong Buffy but the thought of you going out on patrols alone leaves me somewhat."

"Who's talking alone? I want to join a couple of the girls in the field."

"Oh Really?"

"You sound shocked?"

"Well quite frankly you always preferred to go out by yourself."

"You are the one always talking about teamwork and relying on each other."

"So you were listening." He stopped walking for a second and took off his glasses wiping them off. "I suppose you do make a point about getting back to a normal routine. Do you have a preference on who you would like to work with?"

"Well I don't mean to toot my own horn but I am pretty good at this slaying thing and I try to think what the old me would do."

"What did you come up with?"

"I want to be on the first string. They are the strongest and get the best assignments. I am going to need that if I am ever going to track down that demon that is responsible for my memory loss."

"So this is about vengeance?"

"No. If I never find that demon I would still want to do this. I'm not going to lie though knowing that thing is out there. It is a danger to anyone it comes across. I don't want some other slayer to go through what I did."

"I understand.." He put his glasses back on his face "When do you want to start?"

"Sooner the better?"

"Well I will need to make some arrangements and it's to late for tonight but how about tomorrow evening."

Buffy grabbed Giles hugging him. "Thank you. You are the absolute best."

"I'll touch base with you later and tell you what I find."

Xander was in the cafeteria quickly grabbing few slices of pizza. He knew once the slayers showed up it would be gone in a matter of seconds. He sat in the back corner away from the other girls. He wasn't being anti social. It was just hard to ever find quiet time. He ate the pizza and flipped through a Superman comic book. He snagged it from Andrews stash and had been looking forward for some time to reading it.

Vi came over slinking down at his table. "Hey Watcher Man."

He kept his eye in the comic book and kept reading. He responded to her. "Don't call me that. I am not a watcher."

"How about Master and Commander"

"How about Xander Harris man of mystery."

"First I wanted to thank you again for taking over control of the squad. Some people are meant to lead and some are meant to take orders. I like to be told what to do. Not much of a giving orders kind of girl."

He kept reading but was still giving her his attention. "Nothing to be ashamed of. The world needs soldiers just as much as they need generals."

"I want to lay an idea down to you and just hear it out."

"Shoot."

"You are pretty good at this. The girls respond to you. Not to mention the whole battle strategy you came up with was pretty good. Those flunking maneuvers were awesome."

"Flanking not flunking."

"Anyways I know Faith is going to come back some day and want her squad back but I think you should talk to her about taking the lead. First off I don't think she'd mind cause Faith loves the slaying but not so much the whole leadership or maybe you just start up your own squad all together."

He put the comic book down and looked at Vi. "You think I'd have enough girls who want to work with me to form a squad."

"I would be the first to sign up and I can count at least 5 other girls who would follow my lead."

"I'll give it some consideration." He chewed on the pizza thinking about what she said.

"So I was sparing yesterday with Buffy. Her memories might be gone but her skills are good as ever."

"Doesn't surprise me. Buffy is a fighter."

"Listen maybe I could talk to her for you tell her that."

Xander stood up to leave "I got work to do. I promised Giles I would replace the window in the front office."

Xander spent the next few hours keeping busy working on the requested repair for Giles. Then the last 2 hours he sat in the library looking over the layouts of East view cemetery. He didn't want any surprises for his girls when they showed up that night.

In front of him he had the charts of each slayer on his team what they excelled at and what they were good at. Vi was amazing when it came to up close hand to hand where Noxi could handle a crossbow better then anyone he ever saw. He drew up their positions and marked on the map different areas of the graveyard that could prove to be dangerous.

It had been years since the soldier memories had flooded his mind but he still had an amazing knowledge of the military strategy of what ever it was that took over that night. He was just finishing drawing up his plans when he heard a knock at his door. He went to the door to find Giles standing in front of him. "Giles what's up?"

"First I wanted to tell you I saw the office window. The plywood is gone and in it's place an actual window. It looks amazing. I am confidant that sometime soon in the future this place will look more like a school and less like a heap and that will be because of the work you've done."

"Oh well thanks. It wasn't a big deal though. Just me being a team player."

"It's funny you should bring up being a team player cause I have another favor to request of you."

Xander opened his door further inviting Giles in. "Come on in." Xander slid the chair out from under his desk and gave it to Giles while Xander leaned against the desk. He knew Giles wanted something from him he had the look.

"Since Buffy's accident she has been doing everything she can to get form of her normal life back."

"It's funny what we consider to be normal."

Giles smiled at the quip. "Quite I suppose. She is taking very well to slaying. She's made friends with several of the girls. She's learning more and more every day about who she is."

Xander smiled but behind that smile was pain. "That's great Giles."

"I know it must be difficult because she hasn't been able to reconnect with you. I feel though if you give her time."

"Giles you didn't come here to discuss the dynamic that is Buffy and Xander."

"Right." He stood up ringing his hands together. "She wants to get back to a normal routine. Part of that routine includes slaying."

"You are thinking of letting her go out slaying on her own?"

"Oh of course not."

"Then what?"

"She's requested to join a team with some of her fellow slayers."

"Buffy I walk alone Summers wants to be a team player?" He shook his head amazed. "Now I've heard everything."

"I have to admit it took me back when she first approached me about it."

"Well that's great Giles. I hope getting her back on patrol helps her to reconnect and find out who she is."

"The reason I'm here is because I was hoping I could look to you to take her on Faith's team."

Xander laughed shaking his head. "You have to be joking. First off it's not my squad to give out positions like they are lollipops. Faith is coming back and when she does."

"When she does we will adjust accordingly."

"And Buffy she wants to work with me?"

"She requested your squad specifically." It wasn't' exactly a lie. Buffy did request to be on the A squad and that was Xander's squad.

"I don't know Giles this seems."

"I have to admit there is one other reason I want her with you. I want someone who will watch her back. Someone who knows her, someone I can trust with her. I know I can count on you."

Xander closed his eyes and sighed. "I can always count on you to play the guilt card."

"It is the ace up my sleeve."

"Fine I will do it. I want her to know though I am in charge. This isn't the Buffy Summers show. I have a way things are done. I have girls that listen and a way things are done."

"She may surprise you."

"Anything is possible." He rubbed his eyes. "I can't put her on tonight it is too last minute but tomorrow night I can find a spot for her."

"That would work nicely." Giles stood up and smiled heading to the door. "Again thank you for the window and everything else."

"No problem." Xander stood up and opened the door for Giles. "Tell Buffy to be in the loading dock at 8pm tomorrow. Not to be late."

Giles nodded walking out the door. He had convinced Xander to take Buffy on his team. Now he just had to convince Buffy. Hopefully he had one more miracle left in his bag.


	6. Fragments of me 6

Buffy stood in front of her mirror and pulling her hair in to a ponytail. One part of her was excited to be going out on patrol. Getting back in to action was just what she needed but the other part of her was dreading having to work with Xander. When Giles explained to her that she would be joining his crew she was less then thrilled. She wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of her changing her mind. That would be playing right in to his hands. She opened the weapons chest and figured she would be on her way.

Xander was standing at the loading dock with his clipboard in hand. As each girl showed up he checked her off. Nikki was the last one to arrive. The clock had hit 8 o'clock and Xander looked at the list. Everyone was there except for Buffy. He was used to this happening with the girls and he had a plan in place. Gina was the alternate on stand by ready to fill in. "Gina get in to the van you are filling Buffy's spot."

A quick hush fell through the van as Gina climbed in. Xander pulled out the keys and hopped behind the wheel. They were gone a few seconds later and 2 minutes after that a certain blonde slayer showed up standing in the loading dock wondering where everyone was,

Xander pulled in to the graveyard and showed everyone the attack plan for the night. He made sure to point out any of the spots that might be vulnerable and where the rumored nest and demon activity was taking place.

The team was efficient and effective. Xander's battle strategy couldn't have been planned any better. They had taken out a 4 vamps and 1 demon. The girls worked together and everything had gone according to Xander's plan. Just after 2 in the morning Xander decided to call it a night. Noxi was helping Xander with weapons inventory checking off all the weapons before they left the graveyard.

He turned to the girls as they were ready to get in the van. "Okay all of you did really good tonight. Any night we all come back alive is a good night. Any night we all come back with no injuries that are a great night. Just a few quick notes and we will get back to the school. Vi you handled the demon nicely but when you are fighting make sure and give yourself a couple body lengths between you and your attacker. Remember demons can attack in ways people can't. They have quills and spears or gas or a million different ways they can hurt you if you get to close."

Vi nodded taking the advice. "I'll remember that boss man."

Xander looked back to his clip board. "Noxi amazing on the crossbow. You are an artist."

Noxi blushed a little and smiled. "Thank you."

Xander turned to Gina. "Lastly thank you Gina for filling in on the fly. It isn't always easy to make adjustments on the fly but you handled it well." He clapped his hands together. "Okay well everyone get in the van we are heading back."

Back at the base Buffy was fuming with anger. She tapped her foot waiting for Xander to return. Finally just before 3 she heard Brittany in the hall. She knew Brittany was on Xander's squad. Her door flew open and she looked to her.

"Where is Harris?'

Brittany was a little taken back and surprised by the outburst. She stuttered at first. "I think he's cleaning up before bed." She pointed to the hall "East wing locker room."

Nothing more was said she just angrily walked down the hall pissed not seeing anyone along the way. She was going to call Xander out once and for all and to hell with who ever got in her way.

The warm water hitting his body felt like a reward for a hard nights reward. A head full of shampoo and some body wash was all he really needed. Since the locker room was empty he belted out an old Nickelback tune. He was horribly out of tune but figured no one was listening.

He didn't hear the locker room door slam shut as Buffy came storming in. "HARRIS WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU." She came storming deeper in hearing Xander singing.

Xander turned around partially seeing Buffy standing at the edge of the shower. He suddenly felt very exposed "What the hell are you doing in here?"  
"We are having this out. I don't care if you don't like me but this leaving me behind stuff. That is unacceptable." Xander quickly rinsed the soap off his body and hair and grabbed the towel wrapping it around himself.

"This is totally inappropriate. You can't just come storming in here."

Her anger had clouded her judgment so much that it just occurred to her what he was talking about. "Oh put your ego in check. It's not like I want to see you naked."

"You are unbelievable." He walked past her and picked his pajamas up off the bench.

"You left me tonight. I was supposed to be out there and you left me."

"You were late and we don't wait around."

"I was there at 8:02. It was 2 minutes."

"Well we left at 8:01. I run a tight ship. The girls know that. I am tough but fair. If you want something easier then pick a different squad."

"You'd love that wouldn't you. That way I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who can't cope or deal."

Xander walked past her and behind some lockers to change. She started to follow till he spun around. "Stay here so I can get dressed." Angry he started pulling the towel off and pulling his pj's on. "I know this may come as a shock to you but not everything in this world is about you. I treated you no different then I would have any of the other girls."

"I'm sure you bail on them all the time."

"Don't take my word for it go ask them if any of them have ever been left behind for being late." He laughed at her. "You know what is funny about all of this. You are pissed at me because you were supposed to go out on patrol with me but you got left behind. Doesn't feel good does it."

"So that's what this is all about. It's stupid vengeance to pay me back?"

"I put the needs of my team ahead any personal feelings."

"Right I believe that."

Xander stepped out dressed in his clean pj's looking at Buffy. "You know what I'm done. It's been a long night and I'm tired. You want to come out tomorrow that is fine I will find a place for you, if you are on time. You want to ask for another squad that is fine too. But I am too tired to fight. I am going to bed."

He started walking out and away from her. She stood there defiant and angry. "I don't see how we could have ever been friends. I'm glad I don't remember any of our friendship. "

The jab hurt Xander but he just kept walking. He walked out the door and to his room. He missed his friendship with his best friend and he hated fighting with her. A part of him wondered if he should have waited for her. Maybe working with her on patrol would have been a step in the right direction. What message would that send to the other girls though? Buffy Summers get preferential treatment. If he had any chance at calling her friend he needed to find a way to mend fences.

The next morning Buffy sat with Brittany and Veronica eating breakfast. She was fuming to the girls about being left behind. "You know what really pisses me off? He gives me this load about he did what he would have done with anyone else. It's such crap."

The two girls just listened but offered nothing one way or the other. Finally Veronica who was growing a little tired of hearing Buffy's whining stood up. "I think I'm full."

Brittany nodded in agreement. "Yeah I think I'm done here to."

Buffy could tell the girls were giving her the cold shoulder. "Was it something I said?"

Veronica looked to Buffy. "I like you Buffy. I just hear you bitching about Xander but I don't think you know what you are talking about. Brit have you ever been left behind by Xander."

She nodded "30 seconds late. I was even there as they were loading the van up. Xander told me to turn around that I was no longer needed for that night."

Buffy looked at her expecting sympathy. "So how is you two aren't pissed? You've both been in my place."

Veronica shrugged. "It's cause we've been in your place. Yeah Xander runs a tight ship but the thing is. It's an effective ship. He keeps us safe. He treats us with respect. Yeah he gives us orders but that's what a general is supposed to do. He leads his troops."

Brittany flipped her brunette hair over her shoulder. "And the thing is Buffy a lot of girls would want the spot you were given. So if you want to sit and rag on Xander then find two other people who are willing to listen cause we aren't. Come on Veronica."

The two left Buffy standing there a little dumb founded. Instead of reflecting on her own mistakes she shook her head only getting angrier. "Now he's turning the other slayers against me."

She showed up shortly later in the gym for some basic training routines. Giles was focusing today on balance and concentration. Soft music played as each slayer tried to find their center of focus. For the first time in days Buffy could feel herself calm.

When the session was done she grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat down and off her body. As she walked down the hallway she spotted Xander carrying his regular tool box. He picked up his pace and stepped to her.

"Buffy."

"Yes Harris?"

"I am heading to my room in a few minutes to put together the patrol plan for tonight. Are you going to be joining us?"

"I chose to be on this squad and I don't quit. So yes I will be there."

"8 pm sharp."

"I'll be there." She growled.

With that Xander left her there and Buffy gritted her teeth angry. She grumbled about his nerve. "I betcha he was hoping I'd quit." She grabbed some clean clothes and stepped in to her bathroom. She pulled off her clothes and stepped in to the shower.

She clenched up putting her hand on the knob ready for the ice cold water . As she turned the knob a pleasant surprise hit her. The water wasn't cold. It was warm and even hot to the touch. She groaned in pleasure forgetting how good a hot shower could feel.

As good as the water felt it occurred to her that hot water heaters don't repair themselves. She thought back to a few minutes earlier and saw Xander with his tool box. The answer was clear. Despite the terrible things she had said to him he still took it upon himself and did something nice for her. A pang of guilt went through her and for the first time in a long time she had wondered if maybe she had judged him wrong.

She stayed in the shower for what seemed like forever and realized she would talk to him that night when she showed up for patrol.

Back in his room Xander had put his tools away and was again working on a flanking formation for the new graveyard they were going to that night. He figured Buffy probably discovered the hot water in her room by now. It was a small step but hopefully one in the right direction that could put them both back where they need to be.

At 7:40 Xander showed up in the loading dock with clipboard in hand. One by one he checked off all of the girls as they showed up. At 7:50 Buffy arrived in the dock ready to claim her place. Xander smiled at her. "Well my eyes must be deceiving me because here it is 10 minutes before go time and you are here and ready."

Buffy tried not to smile but it was too hard. "Just trying to set a good example."

"Glad to have you on the team." He checked off Buffy's name looking down at the clip board. Buffy approached his side whispering.

"I wanted to tell you thank you. You know for the hot water thing."

Xander continued staring at the clip board playing dumb. "Not sure what you are talking about."

"Sure you don't"

"I am going to pair you with Noxi tonight. She's good with a crossbow and you can handle anything up close."

"Sounds good. But there is one last thing."

"Yes?"

"Last night was. Ya see it's like this. I am stubborn and sometimes I am my own worst enemy and I. What I am trying to say is."

Xander smiled knowing this Buffy had trouble with I'm sorry. "Buffy."

"Yes"

"Get your ass in the van."

She smiled and jumped in the back next to Noxi. As the last girl showed up 3 minutes early Xander hopped in the van. "Okay girls. I say we set this ship in motion. Let's find an adventure."


	7. Fragments of me 7

The full moon lit up the night sky as Buffy and Noxi walked through Eastwick Cemetery. Buffy had taken a liking to the new slayer. She had spunk and attitude something Buffy could relate to. So far the night had been fairly quiet. Between all of the girls Vi was the only one to find and stake a vampire.

Buffy kept her eyes opened as they walked. "So I saw that movie you recommended. The one with the guy you said was really fun to look at."

"Ryan Gosling. He is so delicious."

"He wasn't really that hard to look at I'll say."

"That is one thing I miss about civilian life. Don't get me wrong I love the school and I think it's great but the whole girl to guy ratio is way out of whack."

"Well the way I understand it the slayer gig is kind of a no boys allowed club."

"Yeah I get that. I just wish we had some more guys here. I mean hell even a few hot watchers."

"Giles keeps saying they are going to start training more but I don't know how I'd feel about dating a watcher."

"Really?"

"Giles reminds me of a kindly father figure type and I really don't want to get all bumpity with that."

"Well yeah but not every watcher is going to be like Giles. They aren't all trained to be about Tea and books and this is how we've done it for 100 generations. Right?"

Buffy offered a simple shrug. "Kind of asking the wrong person?"

"Well Xander isn't like that."

Buffy smiled and nodded. "No he is not. But Xander also claims he's not a watcher."

"Really? What does that make him then?"

"It makes him Xander." She shifted a little looking at Noxi. "Speaking of him. I kind of have been wondering. What is the story with him and the whole dating thing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well it's like you said. It has to be a mans paradise here. I mean you have how many girls and he is one of the few guys."

Noxi bit her lip feeling like she was betraying him a little by saying this. "A lot of girls kind of consider him to be a bit of damaged goods?"

"Kind of cruel to say isn't?"

"He's amazing and I know a lot of the girls have thrown themselves at him. He has a past though and it's a past that he has trouble working through."

"See this is the stuff he won't tell me. It's so frustrating because I'm trying to be his friend and trying to get to this place where we can be just like we were but I need to know the details."

"The last battle on the hell mouth in Sunnydale he lost someone. Someone that meant a whole lot to him."

Buffy was the first to see it. "Speaking of close." She pointed just past the tree to see a vampire carrying something. "You ready for this."

Noxi radioed in the vamp letting everyone know there location and looked at Buffy as they ran to the vamp. The vamp itself was fat, lazy and slow. Buffy round house kicked the vamp and he dropped what ever it was he was carrying. It gave a wet sploosh sound as it hit the ground. The vampire looked at Buffy.

"I didn't do that I found it that way I just figured why let it go to waste."

Buffy's eyes turned to the dropped item and she started to figure out what it was. It looked like a body stained red with blood but not a bone to be found. It was just a meat sack pretty much.

Buffy looked at the vamp wanting answers. "Where did you find this?"

The vampire looked terrified he knew he was out of his league. "if I tell you will you let me go."

Buffy sighed "I give you my word. I will not kill you."

The vamp nodded and quickly spit out, "I found that behind the old ice cream store. In town."

Buffy looked to the vamp and smiled. "Thank you very much."

With that Noxi pulled the trigger on her crossbow sinking the arrow direct in to his heart. The vamp looked shocked. "But we had a deal?"

Noxi shook her head "She said she wouldn't kill you. I never made such offer." Buffy grabbed the radio from Noxi. "Sargent Rock you there?"

Xander answered the call "Here and listening what's going on."

"You might want to come check out what we found. We are over by the big Oak on the south side."

Xander laughed and looked at the hand held tracker all the girls wore. "You are on the North side. Man you are terrible at direction."

"Just get your butt over here." A quick jog put Xander in front of the tree as Xander looked to Buffy.

"So what should I see?"

Noxi pointed at the disgusting boneless corpse. "It smells really awful."

Xander sighed and looked at it for a second. "The bones are gone."

Buffy nodded. "Which got me thinking. Maybe what ever got this thing was the bone cruncher that did the memory erase to me."

Xander looked at the body and sighed. It was most likely a homeless person. It was sad to say but they were easy targets cause no one ever reported them missing. It killed Xander a little to know this was just one more indignity they weren't able to save him from.

He stood up from inspecting the body. He took out his radio. "Beyonce and Gaga I need you guys to grab a bag from the van and meet us to assist with a clean up."

The code names were silly but in the military it was standard and the girls found it somewhat amusing. A few minutes later Vi and Jasmine showed up carrying a body bag. Buffy looked at Xander.

"What's the plan?"

"Well I want Giles to see what he did to this guy. Examine the body and when he's done we can give them a proper disposal."

Jasmine put on some plastic gloves and knelt down gagging at the smell. "Dear Lord this thing smells awful."

Xander shook his head "Remember this was a person. A victim who was attacked. He had a name and probably a family. They deserve respect."

Jasmine looked down feeling a little ashamed at her comment. The girls lifted the remains in to the bag and two of them carried it to the van.

Xander took out his phone calling ahead to Giles telling him what they found. As they pulled up to the loading dock he looked got out of the van and looked at the girls.

"Okay I am going to need a volunteer to help me carry the remains."

Buffy felt she had a vested interest so didn't hesitate. "Xander I can help."

He looked to the rest of the girls. "Okay good job tonight. Get some rest." He looked at Buffy and sighed as he opened the back doors to the van. "I kind of figured you would want to be the one to help."

"If this poor guy was the victim of the bone cruncher that wiped my mind then I want to be the one to track him down."

Xander grabbed the loops on the bag as Buffy picked up her end and started carrying. "If it's possible to find this guy Buffy we will."

Buffy carried the bag with ease. Her enhanced slayer strength made it so she didn't even break a sweat where as Xander grunted carrying it. Buffy looked at Xander "The Vamp we staked tonight said he found the body behind the ice cream shop."

"Thank you very much for one more happy childhood memory which I can now connect with death and depression."

"Doesn't make me want to get a double scoop any time soon."

The first 6 months in they turned one of the childhood science labs in to a place for research. Giles was there waiting when they carried the bag in. Giles rubbed his eyes obviously weary and tired. As Buffy and Xander came in he looked at the bag. "I assume this is the remains you found."

One final lift from Buffy and Xander put the bag up on the table. Buffy looked at Giles. "I'm wondering if this guy met the same demon who erased my mind."

Giles looked at the zipper on the bag and knew he couldn't hold out any longer. "Only one way to find out I suppose." He unzipped the bag and the smell filled the room Giles quickly grabbed his handkerchief covering his nose and mouth.

Xander looked at Giles. "Forgot to warn you the smell is quite potent."

Giles eyes watered as he pulled the bag back. "Potent is a bit of an understatement." He looked to Buffy "It could be a while before I know anything if you want to go get some sleep I will come to you once I'm done."

"I'm not going to be able to sleep. I'll just lay in bed and toss and turn until you are done anyways. If you don't care I will just sit in the corner and wait."

Xander looked at her "I'll stay with you. I kind of wanted to talk to you about Fatih. She'll be back soon and you have no idea who she is so."

Buffy grabbed Xanders arm jumping up and down playfully "So it's Story time."

They had started referring to anytime they told Buffy a story from her past as story time. She still had a lot of empty gaps but they did what they could with what they remembered.

Xander pulled up a seat on the other side of the room. They were trying to distance themselves from the smell. "So where do I start with Faith."

Buffy sat in front of him. "She's a sister slayer?"

"Yes she is but she is not like the other slayers. I mean there is a difference in the sense she was a slayer back in the days when there was a CHOSEN ONE."

"So she was the only slayer?"

"Technically no. I mean you were the slayer first."

"You said there was only one slayer."

"Just listen and I will get you there I promise" He started with Faith's arrival in Sunnydale. He told her the story of Faith watching her first watcher die, her arrival in Sunnydale, The mayor, the coma, Breaking out of Prison, Closing the hell mouth and every thing in between. Buffy just listened and soaked it all in. When the story was done Buffy looked at him.

"So we have an escaped felon working with us. We trust her with the lives of other girls."

"Escaped felon yes. She's not really being looked for though. Willow is not only a really skilled witch but she is an amazing hacker. A few key strokes and Faith Lehanne never really existed."

"My question isn't about if she is going to get caught it's more related to trust. I mean she did some pretty horrible things."

"Yes she did but we have a running theme with in our group. Forgiveness."

"Forgiveness?"

"We have all made mistakes. Some of those mistakes might be calling up a singing dancing musical demon who makes everyone sing and dance or trying to burn the world from the inside out after you watch a maniac kill the woman you love."

"I trust you guys here. I know you people are not only my safe place but you are my family. So if you trust her then I guess I can too."

"That's the spirit."

"Xander I do have one question?"

"Go ahead."

"When you got to the part in the story with the guy Angel you didn't talk much about him. The others have told me things from my past about Spike and Angel. I've heard all sides from everyone. It seems like when you come to a part in the story with Spike or Angel you do what you can to dust over it. You don't speak much on them."

"That is a fair observation."

"Do you not have an opinion on them?"

"No it's not that. Buffy." He stood up and scratched his chin trying to find the right way to phrase it. "Buffy your mind right now is like a white piece of paper. I could tell you what I think but I believe I'm biased to them. I don't want to pass my strong feelings on them to you. You need to paint that white with unbiased memories. I don't know if I can offer any of those."

"The other girls have told me things from both sides."

"I understand that but I try to look at it from an outsiders prospective." He sat down again across from her. "Buffy there was this guy who was working with one of the most powerful vampires of all time. The Vampire used the friendship between him and the slayer. He knew he could get to her in a way he couldn't. So when the time came he served the slayer up on silver platter to the vampire and he did it with a smile on his face."

Buffy listened in shock and shook her head "Your telling me about something Spike or Angel did."

"No I am telling you about something I did. It was Dracula. He had both you and I under his thrall and he used that to his advantage."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"It's all perspective Buffy. If someone wanted to twist or pervert the memories from my past they could easily do so. They could tell you stories that would make you think bad of me."

Buffy let go of a breath and sighed. "I get it." She looked in his eyes. "So you served me up to Dracula?"

He nodded "Not one of my finer moments."

"Well I'm glad you told me and I don't hold a grudge."

"If it makes you feel any better I was his house boy. It was every bit as humiliating as it sounds."

Giles cleared his throat interrupting them. He pulled off the plastic gloves he was using to examine the body. "So I think I have learned all there is to learn from this chap."

Buffy stood up and walked over to the examination table. "So did this guy have a run in with the same demon who took my memory?"

Giles sighed and looked in her eyes. "I'd say there is a good likely hood. There are small traces of yellow blood on his hands which meant he most likely went down fighting. The bite marks are consistent with the Pilates Demon."

Xander stood besides Buffy. "The vampire Buffy took the body from said he found it outside an ice cream shop."

Giles nodded "That would make sense. This creature needs cold temperatures."

Buffy interrupted, "So an ice cream shop would probably have a deep freeze some where this place could live."

Xander knew what needed to be done. "Tomorrow me and a few of the girls will scope out the location and figure out the best way to go in."

Buffy turned around and stepped in front of him. "No. Xander this is me. I want this one. I am going to be the one to kill this thing once and for all."


	8. Fragments of me 8

Willow was sitting in Buffy's room listening to Buffy once again ranting about how unfair Xander was being.

"You know it's not right. I am just starting to warm up to him. I think he's a good guy and then he does this. He tells me that I can't have anything to do with killing this demon. The demon that took everything from me."

"You can't take it personally. It's the soldier in him that wants to keep everything clean. It's the whole idea of this being personal."

"It is personal though and if anyone has earned the right to kill this thing it's me."

"He told you that you couldn't?"

"He says the safe thing to do is we wait then when we know what it is we are up against he sends the team in."

"That does sound like an effective battle plan."

"But I don't get anything to do with it because I can't keep my emotions out of it. At least that is what he says."

"You do seem pretty emotional."

"Fine I am emotional I will admit it. That doesn't mean I can't be effective." She looked at her watch and sighed. "I'm hoping I can changed his mind. We are starting tear down on room 314 today."

"He told me you were going to be his constructions aid helping hands."

She nodded and stood up. "I got to go get changed in to something I don't mind getting dirty."

"Buffy don't go in there pissed off. Talk to him soundly and logically."

Buffy nodded and turned around then a thought entered her head. "Willow how would I have handled this a month ago."

Willow laughed a little. "Buffy a month ago you were different. For one you wouldn't have been on Xander's squad. You were more of a fly alone kind of girl."

"Just humor me. Some how my old me is in this situation. What would I have done?"

"Buffy you were the captain. You were kind of the one who gave orders so if this was something you wanted you would have went after it. Not that you should do that. I mean Buffy if anything that wasn't one of your better traits."

Buffy nodded and sighed. "I hear ya. Well I have to go to work."

Buffy went to her room and pulled on a coffee stained tshirt and some jeans she considered to be last season. She pulled her hair back and put it in a ponytail. A few minutes later she was on the 3rd floor waiting by the steps for Xander to show up.

He arrived right on time and looked a little surprised to see Buffy. "You are on time, color me impressed."

"Actually I was early."

"Ready to work?"

"Just show me what to do."

Xander took Buffy's hand guiding her through to the safe spots. "I'll guide you the first few times till you get a feel for where to go."

"Thank you."

When they arrived in 314 Xander went to his tool box. "I have something for you."

"A gift?"

"If you want to call it that." He laughed and opened his tool box. He took out a baseball cap for and tossed it to her. It was a simple Atlanta Braves baseball cap.

"The Braves?"

"I'm not going to give you a cap to wear for a team that matters. It's going to get messed up."

"I'm not really a baseball cap kind of girl."

"Are you a like to wash 10 pounds of dirt, mold and grime out of your hair girl."

Buffy looked at the cap and smiled as he put it on working the ponytail out the back. "Just like that I think this hat is spectacular."

Xander put on an old dirty ball cap. "Okay basically you are going to take a hammer and start smashing up the old dry wall."

"So why are we getting rid of it?"

"Mold and rot are in the walls and is easier to just rebuild rather then replace." Xander picked up a hammers swung through the wall showing Buffy what to do. She watched him following his lead. When she felt confident enough to try her own she looked at him.

"So where should I start?"

"Why don't you work on the other side that way we aren't in each others way?"

Buffy watched Xander for a minute. She wanted to work from his example. Finally she started swinging away tearing down the busted up wall. After 20 minutes of working the debris was starting to pile up. Buffy picked up a shovel and started shoveling the debris down the chute to the dumpster below. She looked at Xander exhausted and dusty.

"You know I didn't think this would be so hard."

"I know what you thought." He smirked still working. "I'm Buffy the super girl and if Xander can do this thing then I should be able to do it easily."

"Well sort of. I mean I don't mean to be arrogant but I am the slayer and that comes with certain strengths and advantages."

He laughed "Not arguing that but you have to realize I realized years ago if I wanted to hang with the likes of you I'd have to raise my bar. I can't just hang out at mediocre."

"So I guess you could say I made you a better carpenter."

"And once again we have brought it back to you?" He smirked at her happily.

Buffy smiled and stopped shoveling for a second. She figured with the good camaraderie maybe now was the time to make her move. "Xander I want to talk to you about something."

Xander just kept hammering. "I'm not changing my mind Buffy."

"You don't know what I am going to say."

"Yes I do. You don't think I can see you. Please I can read you a mile away."

"Fine maybe I'm easy to read. I'll just say it. I want to be the one to kill the Pilates Demon."

"I know you do and I even understand it but I can't allow it."

"Xander this thing has stolen so much from me. I should be the one."

He just kept hammering un phased "You are to emotional Buffy. You are in the middle of this which makes you a liability."

"A liability? I am not a liability I am one of the best slayers on the squad."

"Buffy you are the best slayer on the squad. It's my squad though and I make the call. I have the girls scoping out the ice cream shop and I already pulled up blueprints."

"How the hell does a demon even hide in an ice cream shop?"

"The owners haven't opened in 2 months. I have a feeling the demon killed them and claimed it has his own shop."

Buffy shook her head frustrated. "What if I work with the team? You can still draw up the plans but I lead the charge. I get to be the one to kill this thing."

"Sorry Buffy no sale. I have made up my mind."

"You are being unreasonable."

"You come to work or you here to complain."

Her blood was starting to boil. She growled and started shoveling faster and harder. It was funny watching her work. Xander paid little attention. As far as he was concerned he was a rock and he was not changing his mind any time soon.

When the two hours was up Xander looked at the room. The wall were almost completely bare and Buffy the garbage and debris were shoveled down the chute. Xander put his hammer down and put his hands on the hips examining the work they did.

"Wow Buffy you are kind of amazing. You did really good today I am proud of you."

Buffy smiled hearing the words but then remembered she was pissed at him. She dropped her hammer and put on her angry face. "What ever. I need to get a shower. Are we done here?"

"Till tomorrow. Go get a shower and remember why you have hot water." He smirked but even his usual charm did nothing to dent her anger. She just stormed off. Xander put the tools away and headed to his own room to get cleaned up.

As Buffy stepped in the shower she heard Xander's words. She was to close to it. She was to involved. She needed to think clear. As the water washed over her removing the dust and gunk from her hair it worked wonders to calm her. Even if she felt Xander was right she couldn't see stepping away.

She thought back to earlier in the day and what Willow said the Old Buffy would do. Maybe she didn't know the old Buffy but maybe she could borrow a move from her playbook. She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She moved to her closet thinking what she wanted to wear.

She pulled out an all black outfit and sighed. "Xander I hope you forgive me for what I have to do."

A few hours had passed and the sun had went down. Noxi and Vi were sitting in the van sipping coffee and keeping eyes on the ice cream shop. Xander had his teams on stand bye for when the demon finally came out. He didn't want the girls to try to take it down inside the close confined quarters of the shop.

Noxi kept eyes on the door bored. "God is this thing ever going to come out."

Vi shrugged. "I don't' know if I am looking forward to going up against this thing. I mean if it's powerful enough to get to Buffy."

Noxi nodded, "She is a legend. What does that say for what he could do to us."

"Buffy is a legend no doubt about it. Buffy is." She paused trying to find the words.

Noxi found the word for her. "Here"

"What?" Noxi quickly pointed to the blonde walking down the street. She was dressed in black from head to toe and even had a black stocking cap on. Vi shook her head "Oh God Xander is going to blow his stack."

"What is she doing?"

"Trying to get herself killed." Buffy walked down the ally and ran at the hanging ladder of the fire escape. She easily pulled herself up and got to the roof. Buffy looked around finding a way in. The ceiling access had an old rusted out paddle lock. One quick kick and it easily popped off. She opened the hatch and looked down the long drop to the floor. She knew she had to be quiet. She didn't want to alert the demon to her presence.

Noxi phoned in to Xander telling him what she saw. Xander sighed and gave new orders on the fly. "Okay I want you guys to slowly move in. Nothing to drastic or fast. Buffy is in there and I don't want to ruin her element of surprise. Even if she isn't supposed to be in there." He sighed. "I want you guys to act as her back up. She is the new lead. Back her and keep her safe." All of the girls were listening in and gearing up moving in to location.

Once inside the ice cream shop Buffy tip toed looking around. Buffy moved quiet looking for the deep freeze. It didn't take long as she headed to the back of the shop. She knew on the other side of the door was the son of a bitch that took her memories. She reached to her side and pulled out a long silver knife. She crept closer to the industrial freezer putting her hand on the big metal pull handle.

Before she could react the door flew open and she sailed back 30 feet. The demon stood in the doorway. "Stupid Girl. Do you really think I couldn't smell you the second you stepped foot in here."

Buffy quickly pulled herself up to her feet and took her knife out. For the first time she was looking in the eyes of the monster who changed everything. "You destroyed my life."

"Slayer I should have ended you when I had the chance. I will not make that mistake again." At the moment the calvery arrived. Some of the girls came in through the front window and the others came in through the back door they pulled open. 8 girls stood behind Buffy.

Vi called out to Buffy. "I'm pretty sure Xander is kicking your ass later Buffy but for now we are here to back you." She pulled out her sword ready to fight along side Buffy. "What are your orders?"

Buffy shook her head. "This is me. I am doing this alone. If I fail you all can kill him. First sign of any of his funky gas I want all of you out."

The Demon looked at the slayers knowing he would most likely die. It was just a matter of how many slayers he could take down before that. He charged Buffy swinging his arms at her. Buffy ducked them but responded with a kick to the midsection.

The girls watched on ready to protect the sister slayer if she needed it. Some of them still had an awe in there eyes as they watched Buffy fight. It was like seeing Babe Ruth at bat or Michelangelo with a paint brush.

Buffy was doing well in the fight against the demon and even managed to cut the beast in a few places with her knife. The closer she brought the fight to him the more intense she got. All of her rage all of her anger she unleashed at once. The beast swung his arms wildly knocking the blade from her hands. The blade slid on the floor across the room. Buffy tried to find the blade in the dark of the store and the beast used this distraction to his advantage. He wrapped his hands around Buffy's throat and pinned her against the wall. "Now slayer you shall die."

Buffy struggled for air. Vi looked on ready to save her but Buffy didn't need it. She reached in to the back of her pants and pulled out a wooden stake. She drove the stake in to the dead center of the chest. The beast howled in pain and dropped to his knee.

To weak to fight to weak to move he just stayed on his knees knowing the end was near. Buffy stood over him. "You have taken everything from me."

The demon looked in to her eyes. "Killing me won't bring back your memories."

"I know that but it will make me feel better."

The demon looked at Buffy and with his last burst of energy he swung hi arms knocking Buffy to the wall. He raised both his arms and opened the gills underneath ready to release the purple hazy gas.

Buffy looked on not sure how to stop him. Vi provided all the answer she needed. "Buffy sword now.' She looked to Vi as she tossed the sword to Buffy.

In one quick swoop Buffy caught the sword and brought the blade down on the demons arms cutting them off in one smooth motion. A cold wet thud could be heard as the arms fells to the floor. He howled in pain still on his knees but losing a lot of blood.

Buffy stepped back to the demon. "You will never hurt anyone ever again."

"Slayer I will haunt your dreams till the day you die." Buffy had hard enough and swung the blade one last time cutting the head off and kicking the body over and on to the floor. Silence filled the room. She stood feeling numb.

Finally Noxi came to her side. "Are you going to be okay?"

Buffy pulled in a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah I think so."

Footsteps could be heard from the front of the store as a familiar figure emerged from the dark. Xander stood in front of his team.

He cleared his throat. "We can't be in here to long. Last thing we need is the local police showing up so lets clean up and get out."

Buffy looked to Vi. "Here is your sword back." Vi took the sword wiping off the blade. Buffy then looked to Xander. "I know you are mad but."

"Buffy not here. We will talk on the way home." He locked eyes with Vi. "I trust you can get this place in order."

"Sure thing boss."

Buffy started walking out as Xander followed behind her. Noxi called to him.

"Hey chief I was wondering something."

Xander sighed. "What?"

"Technically this place is abandoned and the owners were most likely killed so I was thinking maybe we could take a few barrels of ice cream as a chocolatey reward."

Even angry Xander had to smile. He looked to the girls. "Sure might be a nice surprise if we bring ice cream back for everyone. Bring what you can carry."

Tiffany one of the senior slayers just laughed and yelled to Xander. "That's why we love you boss."

Buffy smiled at him. "So maybe I should grab a few buckets for the."

"Just keep walking Buffy. No ice cream for you."


	9. Fragments of me 9

Buffy walked out of the ice cream shop following Xander's lead. Xander walked down the street in silence with Buffy close behind. The neon signs and the moon provided adequate light to the night's sky. Buffy had an uneasy feeling like a kid who just got busted taking the car with out permission. She had a feeling what was coming and switched in to defensive mode.

"Listen Xander I know you are pissed off.

"I'm not pissed."

Buffy looked a little confused. "You are disappointed in me?"

He laughed thinking that was something a parent would say to a child. "No I'm not disappointed in you."

"Xander I needed to kill that thing and."

He turned around facing her. "Buffy stop. I knew you were going to do that. I told you earlier today that I could see you coming a mile away. You think I don't know. Buffy I know all your moves."

Buffy stood there crossing her arms getting a little closer and more confrontational. "You knew I was going to do that? Then why did you cut me out of the plan."

"First off Buffy you might not remember who you are. You might be different in a lot of ways but some things are just written in your DNA. I swear some things about you will never change."

"So the orders you gave the team were bogus?"

"Oh no. They were completely legit. I had a tactical plan in place that would have been effective and efficient. I planned on using it hoping I could get it done before you interjected but I knew I probably wouldn't"

"You could have made this easier if you would have worked with me."

"Buffy everything I said was true. The best tactical strategy was to keep you out of it. You are to close and to emotional."

"I won Xander. He is dead and I'm alive. Go team slayer."

"Just because you won doesn't mean you were right."

"So what does this mean? Are you kicking me off the squad for disobeying orders?" He turned around not facing her but kept walking.

"You are such a drama queen. I am not kicking you anywhere. First off it's not my choice. Faith will be back with in a week and she can decide where to kick you."

"So Faith is going to be taking over?"

"This was only temporary. "

"So what was with the angry treatment inside the ice cream shop?"

"Buffy I have girls that take my orders and depend on my strategies to keep them alive. I need to convey a certain level of respect for them. When you march in and disobey my direct orders it takes away from that."

Buffy bit her lip feeling a little guilty. He made a point and knew that she did make him look bad. "Look I will talk to the girls. I will make this right."

He laughed and shook his head. "Oh you owe me big time Buffy. I already have a plan in place and you will follow it to the t."

"A plan?"

"You had better put on an Oscar worthy performance for what I have planned."

Buffy tilted her head confused. "A what worthy?"

"I forget 90 percent of my pop culture reference still go over your head cause you can't remember anything?" He stopped in front of his truck and opened the passenger side door. "Get in and I will lay down the plan."

Back at the school the girls brought in several tubs of different flavored ice cream. It didn't take long for word to spread through out the school and the girls were all laughing and enjoying the late night sugar rich goodness. Not to mention the gossip that came with it.

It didn't take long for word to spread that Buffy had dis obeyed a direct order given by Xander. People had already started to speculate what was to come next. Noxi had a bowl of strawberry cheesecake mixed with a scoop of cake batter. She sat across from Tiffany speculating. "Just between you and me I think Buffy is going to be thrown off the squad."

The brunette with blue streaks listened while eating her ice cream. "No way. She is way to talented. She brings to much to the table."

"That may be true but" She was interrupted by the outside door to the cafeteria slamming open. All the girls turned their head and silence filled the room as Xander came in. Buffy was close behind. She had a look of desperation and pleading in her eyes.

"Xander I'm sorry. I screwed up." He spun around getting in her face looking pissed.

"You disobeyed a direct order. I told you to stay away and you pissed on that. I won't tolerate that."

"It won't happen again. I'm sorry I."

"You are damn right it won't happen again. You are done. Go work for Debbie and her team cause I don't have a place for you anymore."

Buffy gritted her teeth not wanting to do the next part but she knew she owed it to Xander. She dropped to her knees. "Oh God Xander please no. I am so sorry. Don't do this."

"It's done Buffy."

"I am begging you. Please have some mercy on me. It won't happen again I will change I will fall in line I will."

Xander spun around and crossed the room to her. He stood in front of her. "Stand up." He shook his head acting like he was thinking. He let go of a deep sigh. "I guess for the good of the team."

"Please I'll do anything."

"Fine you aren't off the team but this can't go unpunished."

"What are you going to do to me?"

"You owe me. 2 hours every day you will be working clean up and knock out detail while I am doing construction in the south wing."

"For how long?"

"Till I say you are done."

Buffy looked down at her feet and nodded. "I guess that is fair."

"You are damn right it is. If you pull this crap again I will pull you from field duty. Then it won't be a matter of working for any squad."

Buffy looked at him knowing Xander was milking it a little now. She put on a plastered smile letting Xander enjoy his power trip. "Okay you are right." She whispered through gritted teeth whispering. "Okay you have proved your point."

He smiled roaring to the room. "I am the boss and the law as far as you are concerned. GOT IT."

Buffy kept the fake smile on knowing she owed him. "Right boss." He walked with Buffy to the elevator pushing the up button.

Xander looked at her "And you don't get any ice cream."

As the elevator door opened Buffy stepped in and Xander followed. With the girls listening she nodded. As the doors closed she looked at him. "I'm so going to kick your ass you know."

Xander smiled "I don't care. It was worth it." He laughed

Buffy spent the next morning out with Willow and Dawn shopping at the local mall. Since Buffy had become so dependent on others to build her memories she had grown closer. She looked these people as her support system.

Buffy walked between Willow and Dawn. "So I'm still wrapping my brain around this whole concept I have died several times."

Willow chirped in. "Depending on who you ask you'll get a different answer. I say 3 times."

Dawn shook her head. "It's 4 times."

Willow interjected. "At the hands of the Master that is one, jumping off the tower after beating Glory is 2. Warrens bullet and her heart stopping in the hospital is 3."

Dawn looked at Buffy "Some people don't count that one."

Willow interrupted. "Which makes for 3."

Dawn shook her head. "You are forgetting the time she was a vampire."

Buffy stopped turning to Dawn "I was a vampire."

Dawn nodded "Not by siring. Basically it was this whole thing with everyone's nightmares coming true and your nightmare was becoming a vampire. Vampires are with out pulse or heartbeat which would make you dead and that makes number 4."

Willow argued not buying it. "Dead and undead aren't the same thing. The number is 3."

Buffy sighed "Well at least my life isn't boring." Buffy stopped suddenly looking in the window of a shoe store.

Willow paid no attention to the store still focusing on Buffy. "If it makes you feel any better it's been a long time since you have died and I have lost all of your attention because you have entered the shoe zone."

Buffy just inched closer to the glass looking at the expensive shoes. "Soooo pretty."

Dawn laughed and shrugged. "Wow I think we have found another thing that this Buffy has held on to."

Buffy looked at the 200 dollar price tag and quickly spun to Willow. "What is left on my monthy stipend?"

"245 dollars and 38 cents."

"So I could afford those" She smiled going in the store.

Willow interjected following her in. "After tax you will have almost nothing left."

Dawn nodded. "Which means no movies or activities or any fun."

Buffy shook her head "My feet will have plenty of fun." She went to the salesgirl asking for the shoes hoping they were available in her size. As the sales girl rang her up she came out adding the bag to her others.

Willow looked at Buffy. "Should we get a bite before we head back?"

Buffy shook her head. "I have to get back. Xander is making me work in the south wing as punishment for disobeying."

Willow rolled her eyes knowing better. "Wow punishment. Really? So Friday when you were helping with the tear down before you killed the demon. It wasn't punishment then but now it is?"

Buffy played dumb continuing the charade. "I know it's weird isn't it."

Dawn just laughed at her sister thinking they were that dumb. "Right."

Dawn drove on the way home as Buffy sat in the back. Buffy switched positions so she could look to Willow.

"Hey I was thinking we could have a fun day on Friday if you want. I've talked to Xander about it."

Willow turned in her seat looking at Buffy. "Why Friday?'

Buffy reached forward touching Willow's shoulder. "I've talked to a few of the girls and they told me about Friday." Buffy had heard from the other slayers that Friday was the anniversary of Tara's death. It was a day that Willow had always taken especially hard.

Willow felt touched the fact that Buffy was reaching out meant a lot to her. It wasn't that the old Buffy was cold. It was more just one of those things where she wasn't as good emotionally with reach out. Buffy could kill any vampire but connecting with someone emotionally was her weakness. At least it was. Willow just smiled at her friend and put her hand on top of Buffy's "I think I'd like that a lot."

Dawn smiled pulling in to the parking lot of the school. "Great. This should be a lot of fun." Buffy jumped out of the car grabbing her bags and running in. She wanted to show the other slayers what she bought before helping Xander.

Dawn walked next to Willow. "Willow lately I have kind of been feeling guilty about Buffy?"

Willow sighed "I think I know what you are going to say. You feel bad because you like this new Buffy more then the old one."

"She is so much more open. She talks to me and tells me how she feels. She doesn't carry around all the guilt."

"I know what you are saying. She looks at the other slayers as her friends and sister. She doesn't seem burdened by the world. She's just."

"Different."

"And you are worried because even though she is different you feel guilty cause you like her more."

"Shouldn't I feel guilty? I feel like that Buffy had earned our loyalty and the fact that I like this one more makes me feel like a traitor."

"I know what you are saying and believe me I've felt the same way but you have to remember this isn't two separate girls. This is still your sister and my friend nothing can change that. You would help her no matter what."

"I guess you are right." Just as they were turning to carry some bags in the dull roar of an engine could be heard coming up the parking lot. Dawn looked at the moving van approaching.

"Who is this?"

Willow just shrugged "Hell if I know?"

As the truck came to a stop the door came open and Faith jumped out and to the ground. "Damn it is good to be home."

Dawn smiled at the brunette slayer. "I thought you were going to call before you arrived."

"Well I was thinking of doing that but decided it would be so much more fun to just show up and shock the hell out of you guys." The other side of the door flew open and Andrew came running out. He didn't say anything just ran straight inside.

Willow looked confused "What is wrong with him?"

Faith laughed at him. "He was the one who insisted on getting the super sized soda and I told him we were driving straight through."

Dawn walked to the back of the truck ready to open it. "Do you need help carrying your stuff in?"

Faith put her hand on top of Dawn stopping her. "Don't open that?"

"Why not?"

"Because if you open that in the bright sun the two vampires who are in there avoiding the sun are going to turn in to big pile of ash."

Willow looked surprised. "They came with you in the truck?"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time."

Willow looked at the truck. "Well why don't you pull in the rear and you can pull up to the loading dock. That way they can get in the school with out getting fried by the sun."

Faith tossed the keys to Willow "Have one of the junior slayers do it I am wiped out."

Willow nodded and watched as Faith walked in. "Welcome back Faith."


	10. Fragments of me 10

Buffy went up to the South Wing to work with Xander as per his usual routine. She was surprised when he wasn't there. She started asking some of the girls if any of them had seen him. With in a few minutes she walked in to Giles off. A look of stress and exhaustion was painted on Xander's face. She walked in on the middle of the conversation not sure what was going on.

"Hey guys what's up?'

Giles took off his glasses wiping them off. "A dear friend of mine who is responsible for managing the largest coven in Europe called me a few hours ago. Everyone is okay but they were attacked."

Buffy looked on confused "Who would want to attack them?"

Giles let go of a breath and leaned against the wall. "These are some of the world's most powerful witches Buffy. Each of them on par if not more powerful then Willow. If these girls were captured dark magic could be used to manipulate them to work magic on there half."

"What does that have to do with Xander?"

Xander cleared his throat. "Giles has offered them sanctuary here. All 83 of them. They'd be safer cause who wants to attack an army of slayers."

Giles nodded "The problem is though all of the room we have here that are functional are being used by slayers. I hate to ask him but."

Xander just spit it out. "He needs to now how long it would take me to get a couple of the rooms in the south wing functional and ready."

Buffy could understand the look of worry on his face now. All the pressure was on him. "How long till they arrive?"

Giles pulled himself up and started a small pace. "Well you have to understand these are powerful witches. They could teleport here instantly but right now they are reserving power incase it is needed for a back up attack."

Xander laughed a little thinking it was funny that Giles was trying to put a positive spin on it. "3 days. Everyone is arriving in 3 days."

Buffy stood her arms crossed a little indignant on Xander's behalf. "You can't seriously expect him to get rooms ready for 83 people in 3 days?"

Giles felt guilty and Buffy wasn't making it any easier. "I know it's a lot to ask and it's unfair that I have to put you in this position but we simply have no other choice."

Buffy shook her head "Of course we have a choice. We always have a choice."

Xander interrupted her. "Buffy stop." He let go of a deep breath and turned looking at Giles. " Buffy and I have spent the last few days clearing out rooms. Tearing out so that this fall I could start rebuilding at my pace. Right now we have 6 rooms that I could start rebuilding on. If I push the panic button work on nothing but this." He rubbed his brow trying to figure up in his head. "They aren't going to be pretty but they'd be functional."

Giles nodded "Functional is fine but is 6 rooms enough?"

Xander laughed "It's not nearly enough. We are going to have to talk to some of the slayers and we are going back to the good old days everyone is going to have to double up in the rooms."

Buffy looked confused "Good ole days?"

Xander turned to her. "When we bought this place it was a lot worse. Most of the rooms weren't functional. For the first month we had girls sleeping in sleeping bags in the gym. As more of the rooms got repaired the girls started sharing rooms. When more were repaired some of the girls got their own room."

Giles started pacing trying to think. "In the new rooms you complete if we can set up 7 beds in each room. That would get us about half way there. Then with the rooms that will become available with the slayers sharing rooms. That should be enough."

Buffy nodded knowing she needed to be sympathetic. "I guess Dawn and I could share my room."

Xander placed his hands on the back of his head. His next request he really wasn't crazy about but he knew if he was going to get the rooms done in time he had no other options.

"I need a handful of girls if I am going to get these rooms done in time."

Giles nodded just happy to have Xander on the same page. "How many are you thinking?"

Xander looked at the ceiling again thinking. He was doing the numbers in his head. "I'm thinking 12 girls."

Buffy interjected "I can help. I'm getting better at this stuff."

Giles nodded "You pick the girls. You have access to the credit card for any building supplies you need."

Xander just nodded. "When are you going to tell the other slayers?"

Giles turned to the door. "I'm calling everyone to the gym right now."

Xander laughed and shook his head. "I would not want to be in your shoes when you tell those girls they are going to have to share rooms."

Giles turned back to Xander one last times. "Xander I want you to know how much I appreciate this. I know at times we ask much of you, too much probably. In this place the most valuable commodity we have is character and yours never waivers. You are the one I can always count on."

Xander shrugged embarrassed by the compliment. "Just doing my part."

With that Giles left the room to Buffy and Xander. Buffy looked at him "He's right you know. You are pretty incredible."

"Save the compliments. I think our 2 hour work at our own pace shifts are officially done. We are going to be working around the clock from here out."

"I'm wondering about the 12 girls. I mean do you really think they are up to this sort of thing?'

"A crew is only as good as it's lead foreman."

"Well I'm going to get some lunch. Probably be my last chance to sit and relax in the next 3 days."

"I'll join you." Xander held open the door and smiled as Buffy lead the way.

Across the hall Faith was talking to a friend when she spotted Buffy. She smiled seeing her and knew she couldn't resist the chance. She ran up to Buffy tackling her in to a hug

"Oh God Baby I've missed you so much?"

Buffy kept her arms at her side not sure what the hell was going on. "Baby?"

Faith looked like she was going to cry. "They told me about what happened to you. They said you lost your memory." She pulled back a bit so she could look Buffy in the eyes. "I thought though that maybe seeing me would change things. I mean you can't forget me."

Xander shook his head trying not to laugh. He wanted to say something but figured Buffy would figure it out. Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry but I don't remember you."

Faith nodded and took a breath. "My name is Faith." She reached for Buffy's hand and intertwined their fingers. "You are my girlfriend?"

Buffy pulled back immediately wanting space, "They never told me I was"

"You really can't remember me. The nights of passions the sounds you've made. My God how can you forget that?"

Xander watched Buffy squirm and knew she enough "Faith stop."

She couldn't hold it in any more as Faith burst out laughing. "Oh God B it is good to be home."

Buffy suddenly realized she was joking. "A joke? You joke about this? "

She wiped a few tears from her eyes. "I couldn't resist."

Buffy gritted her teeth and turned around "I'm getting lunch."

Xander followed behind saying nothing. Faith skipped along behind them.

"Great I have been on the road and haven't eaten in forever. It will give us a chance to catch up."

The three of them sat at the table. Buffy was still a little angry about Faith's joke not finding it funny. Xander how ever picked up with her like the old friend Faith told the story about dimensional rift and how it took everything they had to get it closed and stop the Hell Spawn who was trying to rip it wide open.

Xander took a bite from a cookie and looked at her. "You picked a good time to come back. Giles needs me to take off the watcher hat and put on the construction one so officially I am giving you back your squad."

"Oh come on man. You can't even give me a day to rest?"

Xander just shook his head and chewed the last bite on the cookie. "I have to focus on getting a couple rooms complete and do it quickly."

It suddenly occurred to Buffy she was no longer going to be under Xander's command but Faith's instead. "Wait you aren't going to be in charge anymore Xander?"

"Faith Squad so she takes back over." Xander pointed to Buffy. "Oh you should know I gave Buffy a place on the team."

A big Cheshire cat grin smiled on Faith face. "Wait you are telling me Buffy is under my command now?"

Xander shrugged "Technically I guess."

Buffy shook her head not liking where it was going. "Oh hell no I am not taking orders from her."

Faith laughed "Oh calm down. If you are nice to me maybe I have a treat for you."

Buffy scoffed "Pretty sure I don't want any of your treats."

Faith snatched the cookie off of Buffy's plate and took a bite. "You are going to want this one."

Buffy annoyed "That was my cookie."

Faith ate the cookie with a smile on her face. "Well maybe I know where you can get some cake. I brought you back your favorite kind of cake ANGEL food."

Silence fell the table and even Xander who was mid chew looked at Faith. "So Angel is here?"

She looked at Buffy wondering if the name would mean anything. She still looked confused. "Angel is not the only one who came back. Spike tagged along with us."

Xander figured they would be coming but hoped they would change there mind of course they didn't.

Buffy looked at Xander. "Angel and Spike are the vampires that I used to uhm date?"

Faith laughed, "Date? Really I'm pretty sure you were getting bumpity with them."

Xander looked at Faith knowing it wasn't easy for Buffy. "Faith stop."

She put her hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry. This whole amnesia girl thing is going to take some getting used to."

Buffy shook her head. "I've heard the stories from enough people and know I have a past with these 2. It's just hard for me to comprehend. I mean the only vampires we have come across aren't exactly the kind to stir romantic feelings."

Faith looked at Buffy trying to offer some sincerity. "Spike and Angel aren't your typical vampires."

Buffy closed her eyes and thought. She couldn't understand the feelings of the past. This wasn't the first time she ran in to this though. She knew it wasn't her place to question everything her counterpart did. "I think I need to see them."

Xander looked to her sympathetic. "You up for this? I could go with or get your sister or Willow?"

Buffy shook her head "I can do this. I should do this but I have to do this alone. I have to be able to start standing on my own two feet."

Faith looked at her. "You will be fine. Angel and Spike are puppy dogs."

Buffy looked at Faith "Where are they?"

"They are setting up in the basement. The empty rooms next to the furnace."

Buffy was completely clueless when it came to the vampires. She didn't have any pictures of Spike or Angel. She knew Angel was dark and broody and Spike brash and arrogant. "So Spike is the blonde one and Angel brunette?"

Faith looked a little surprised. "Wow you really don't remember anything?" Faith nodded "Yes Spike Blonde Angel brunette." With that she turned around making her way to them.

Xander looked at Faith. "I hope she'll be okay."

Andrew was straightening up the room for Spike It wasn't the best room in the school but it was the safest from the sunlight. He was trying to get the room clean and free of dust. After he finished dusting the room he picked up a broom. Anything he could do to make Spike feel welcome and at home would increase his chances of staying longer.

Buffy stood outside the door nervous. She wasn't sure if she was up for this but she knew she had to try. She didn't want to go in there angry cause that wasn't how her counterpart would act. She figured her best plan of attack would be to follow her old lead. She turned the doorknob and walked inside.

Andrew was sweeping the floor and turned as he heard it open. Buffy saw the blonde man with the broom and sighed. A look of confusion crossed her face. This most certainly did not look like a guy she would ever consider dating. Everyone said though that he wasn't exactly the typical guy. The blonde hair and pail skin told her this must be Spike.

Andrew looked at her "Hey Buffy it's good to see you."

"I wish I could say the same but I don't really remember you."

"Faith told me about the whole memory loss thing. It's a major downer."

"Yeah well I am making due." She stepped in to the room slowly her hands behind her back. "It's not all bad. I have people here who have helped a whole lot to fill in the memory gaps."

"Memory gaps?"

"They told me about you."

Andrew suddenly stepped back not sure if he liked the look Buffy was giving him. "Wha what did they tell you?"

"We started off as enemies. You tried to kill me."

A small uncomfortable smirk crossed his face. "They told you that huh. Well you know the wacky thing about the past it never really goes away."

"The told me you have blood on your hands."

Andrew thought back to Jonathan and to a lesser extent Katrina. He looked at Buffy with fear. "I've made mistakes."

"But they have also told me that you have done a lot of good. You have helped and that you are working on this whole good fight thing."

Andrew nodded and looked at her. "I am truly a dark tortured soul working through my road to redemption."

Buffy sighed and still was wondering what the hell she could ever see in someone like him. "I need something?"

"Anything Buffy. What 's up?"

"I'm trying to find a way to connect with my past and I can't believe I'm" She closed her eyes and sighed "What the hell I just have to go for it." She crossed the room to Andrew and grabbed him kissing him deeply.

Andrew squirmed feeling Buffy's lips press against his. It wasn't that Buffy wasn't attractive she just wasn't his flavor of gum. His lips curled in his body tensed. At that exact moment the door from the other side connecting open to the loading dock opened as Spike and Angel walked in.

As soon as Buffy was done Andrew pushed her away and yelled "HELP."

Angel just stood there confused and Spike's jaw was practically on the floor. Finally Angel broke the tension. "There is something you don't see every day."

Andrew ducked behind Spike looking for protection. "Spike you have to protect me her crazy slayer powers have made me irresistible to her."

Buffy looked at Andrew. "Wait you aren't Spike."

Spike then looked at her "You thought I was him?"

Buffy was quickly getting pissed. "They told me Spike and Angel were down here. All I know is Spike is blonde and Angel is brunette."

At this point Angel couldn't hold it in any longer. He started laughing. "She thought he was you."

Spike shook his head "Hell No. No one could ever mistake me for him."

Buffy looked at Andrew. "He's got blonde hair. He is pale."

Andrew peeked out from behind Spike. "I sunburn easily."

Buffy was now annoyed. "So who the hell are you?"

"I am Andrew. They didn't tell you about me."

Buffy shook her head "But you said you were the tortured soul and blood on your hands"

Andrew nodded. "Well that stuff is true. I have made a lot of mistakes and I have ventured to the dark side. I am truly a man of"

Buffy threw her hands up. "STOP."

Angel looked at Buffy "So this didn't go off as you hoped I take it."

Buffy now angry "Not even close." With that she spun around and left she had enough at least for now.


	11. Fragments of me 11

Buffy went directly to her room not wanting to see anyone. Kissing Andrew was the height of her embarrassment. She didn't remember a whole lot of her past but was fairly certain she never did anything as embarrassing before. She just knew the girls were going to be laughing on that one for weeks. Then there was Faith. My God what was Faith going to say? Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. "Go away."

Xander stood on the other side of the door. "No can do. Slayeroo. We got work to do. I have all the girls together and they are in the South Wing. Come on its time to get to work."

Buffy jumped out of the bed and flung open the door. "I can't work today. I'm not feeling good."

Xander flashed his lopsided grin to her "Yeah I'm pretty sure that line wouldn't have worked on your mom when you tried playing hooky so it isn't going to work with me."

"Stop it Xander. This is serious. I can't go out there."

"Is this about the Andrew thing?"

A look of dread was painted on her face. "Oh God you know. That means everyone probably knows."

"Relax I went down and heard Spike and Angel yelling and I told them to calm down and Spike started ranting how anyone could ever mistake him for Andrew."

"This isn't my fault you guys were the one who said Spike wasn't like anyone I would usually date. You said he was blonde and then that idiot boy starts spouting off like a man with a dark past and his hands covered in blood."

"That does sound like Andrew. He is a drama queen to the very end."

"I'm not never going to be able to live this down. The girls will never let me hear the end of it."

"Which is why you need to come with me up to the South Wing. Bury yourself in work and you won't have time to think about it."

"Xander I"

"We have a plane full of witches on the way and I need you. You can't let me down."

Buffy looked up in to his eyes ready to tell him no. She sighed feeling herself melting. "Fine but you are handing me a tools and the first girl to give me crap is going to get a hammer shoved up her"

He just laughed and interrupted her. "Come on we got work to do."

"Fine but wait here. I have to change."

Xander leaned against the wall in the hallway waiting. He pounded on the door "Come on you are keeping the girls waiting." With in a few seconds Buffy stepped in to the hallway wearing the cap Xander gave her an old t shirt and jeans. "You know I think I kind of like construction worker Buffy. It's a really good look for you."

She led the way down the hall and the South Wing. As she passed 2 of the girls they offered a kindly smile to Buffy. There was no snickering or laughing. She felt a little better. Maybe word hadn't spread about Andrew and the world's worst kiss.

As they walked in to the room the 12 girls were all waiting around. Xander cleared his throat hoping to get the attention on himself.

"Okay girls we are working against a serious dead line. 2 and half days to get these 3 rooms not only tore down but rebuilt so I hope you wore your ass kicking boots."

Noxi raised her hand. "But I have never done this kind of thing. I don't know why you picked us?"

Xander crossed his arms standing firm in his decision. "I hand picked all of you because I wanted girls who could listen and learn. I am your point man on any questions. That being said Buffy has been helping me so she has some experience in this area so she is my second in command."

Just then Sasha smiled at Buffy. "Well I for one have total trust in both you and Buffy. I just wonder if your new boyfriend Andrew is going to help us."

Laughter filled the room and Buffy's face turned beet red. Xander was about to step up to say something but Buffy showed she was more then capable of defending herself.

Buffy laughed with the girls. "Can you believe I actually kissed Andrew? The whole thing is so embarrassing. I mean he's not nearly as hot as all the boys you've been kissing this year." Buffy put her hand to her mouth as if she made a mistake. "Oh wait you haven't kissed any boys this year."

The girls laughed at Buffy's comeback and Xander decided the time for talk was done. "Okay enough chit chat. It is time to get to work."

Xander spent the next half hour walking through the steps of tear down. He handed out breathing masks and some old caps. When they started the girls were rough. Anything they lacked experience wise they made up for with raw strength and power. He split the girls up between the 3 rooms.

The first hour the girls complained about broken nails and dirt that was never going to come out. It didn't take long though for the inner construction worker to find it's way out. 4 hours later all the walls were bare and they had started shoveling the dirt, insulation and drywall. Xander was checking in on Buffy's room when he saw them practically done. He watched Buffy shoveling down the chute to the dumpster.

"I have to tell you Buffy I think if the slaying thing didn't work out I could make a ton of money with these girls working construction." He picked up a shovel and started helping her.

"So they are good?"

"I scheduled everything in the same time frame as if I had 12 experienced men."

"And?"

"We are four hours ahead of schedule."

Buffy smiled "Go girl power." She bent over and picked up a piece of drywall breaking and folding it so it could down the chute. "So once we are done with clean up?"

Xander sighed "Well I'm gong to test the wiring I'm hoping it all can be used I really don't want to have to rewire if I don't' have to. If it all checks out then tomorrow we can start with insulation and drywall spend the last day painting and putting down the carpet moving the beds in to the rooms."

Buffy smiled "You are the man with the plan." With most of the debris now down the chute Buffy picked up push broom. "So do you need any help with testing the wires?"

"I never turn down help but I just thought you'd want to." He bit his lip trying to find a way to say it.

"Want to what?"

"Well Angel and Spike are back and they are going to want to see you."

"Priority comes before two vampires. They can wait"

"Are you sure cause I have no problem doing this on my own."

"Yeah I'm sure. I know it sounds silly but I want to get as much knowledge as I can with this construction stuff. I mean it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have a trade to fall back on."

"In case the world stops making vampires and demons?"

She laughed and pointed at him "Exactly."

Just then Noxi and Stephanie came in. Noxi looked at Xander. "We are done in room 2."

Stephanie chirped right back. "And we are done in room 3."

Xander slapped his hands together. "Okay well call the rest of the girls in here to finish clean up and I think we can call it a day." With in 20 minutes all three rooms were not only bare but they were spotless. The girls looked dirty and dusty. He sat down on the table looking at all of them.

"Okay so I want you girls to know I couldn't be any prouder of you then I am today. What you girls do in the field is one thing but today you showed me that when it counts you really pull together and make it all work."

Stephanie took off the hate shaking the dust and dirt from it. "I find it funny that we trade vampire dust for drywall dust."

Xander laughed and looked to all of them. "Okay get out of here. Get some rest. In tomorrow episode you'll learn the joys of hanging and mudding dry wall."

The girls left Xander and Buffy there. He was putting the tools away. He groaned a little looking at Buffy. "I have to tell you the older I get the harder these days are."

"I don't know if the slayer healing or what but I feel like I could still go."

Xander shook his head "So unfair." He turned looking at her "I'm thinking I'm going to take a break for an hour before I come back to test the wiring."

"Yeah it would be nice to get cleaned up."

"And a bite to eat?"

"You still have the card Giles gave you?"

"What are you thinking?"

"He did say what ever supplies we need. Well I think we are going to need some Chinese food."

"Buffy Summers you are a woman ahead of your time."

"Meet you back here."

Spike was sitting down in the hallway against Buffy's door. He had been there for 3 hours and was waiting for her to show up. When she finally showed up it wasn't as expected. "What the bloody hell happened to you?"

"It's drywall dust. It's called work." She looked slightly annoyed. "I really need a shower so kind of hoping you would stop blocking my doorway."

Spike jumped to his feet. "I thought construction was Harris's bag."

She pulled out her key and unlocked the door. "He's teaching me." She turned around facing him. "I don't mean to be rude but do you want something?"

"Well my welcome back to you wasn't what I wanted it to be so I was hoping we could reconnect."

"Can't"

"Why not?"

"There is work to be done. We are against the clock. Xander and I are getting cleaned up and then we need to check the wiring."

"Should have known. It's always sodding Xander. Blow him off. Tell him something came up."

Buffy looked insulted. "Excuse me I told him I was going to help. I don't blow off my friends."

"It wouldn't be that big of a deal I'm sure Xander could do it himself."

"Look I want a shower and I've made my choice."

"Fine how about afterwards. I mean you aren't going to be working all night are you?"

"I don't know how long it will take. Maybe when I'm done we can talk or what ever."

"Maybe?"

"Sorry that's all I can offer." She stepped in the room and closed the door on him. She rolled her eyes "Pain in the ass much." She pulled off her clothes and stepped in the shower cleaning the dirt and dust out of her hair.

Spike stormed down the hallway angry. He slowed his walk as he saw Willow. She offered him a kind smile.

"Spike I heard you were back. I was going to come down and see you."

"Good to see you also Red. It's nice someone is happy to see me at least."

"This is about Buffy?" She sighed and looked at him. "Spike you have to realize she has been through a lot and things are hard for her."

"She's an entirely different person. I mean I look in to her eyes and it's like I can't even see a piece of the girl I knew."

"She kind of is a different person Spike. You got realize her mind was a clean piece of paper and we been doing everything possible to fill that paper with the Buffy Summers story."

"I just thought."

"I know what you thought Spike. This isn't a storybook. She isn't going to look in to your eyes and magically everything returns."

Spike looked down at his feet. "I didn't think." He stopped "Well maybe I did. It just would have shut Angel up. He has this idea in his head that"

Willow shook her head and put her hands up. "Whoa whoa whoa don't put me in the middle of this whole argument. I like Angel and I like you. Consider me an impartial referee."

"Yeah yeah I get it."

"If you get hungry later I called the local butcher shop and had them drop off some pigs blood. It's stocked in the utility fridge in the old staff lounge."

"Why not the cafeteria."

"Nothing personal but the girls don't want to watch you drink while they have to eat."

"Man you know how to make a bloke feel nice and welcome."

Xander had already begun running tests on the wiring. Buffy peeked in room to room till she found him. "Hey you started with out me."

Xander turned around smiling. "Don't worry there is still a lot of wire left to test."

"So show me how to do this?"

Xander smiled at her. He was happy she was so enthusiastic about it. "Really. You want me to show you." He nodded and took the voltage probe handing it to Buffy. Buffy listened to his instructions and Xander walked her through the first few till she got the hang of it. Finally he let her do one on her own just watching her. "So you really have taken an interest to all of this."

"Why does that surprise you?"

"Well it is just so different from who you were"

She kept working but sighed. "You know it's frustrating. I'm trying my best but it seems like everyone thinks something is wrong with me cause I can't be the old me exactly."

"I didn't mean it as an insult Buffy. To be honest with you I think it's great that you want to learn this stuff. You are growing. I'm proud of you."

Buffy kept working and facing the wall so she couldn't see him but she couldn't fight back the smile. "So I saw Spike today and before you make the joke yes I am sure it was Spike."

"I'm not surprised."

"Why?"

"Well Buffy you are a big part of his life or his un life. If the roles were reversed I think I'd be the same way."

"Really?"

"If I came back after 2 years of not seeing you I would probably have tracked you down immediately."

"I guess I didn't think of it that way."

He sighed shaking his head "When did I get to this place where I am defending them." Just then his phone rang out and he pulled it out answering it. He came back to Buffy a second later. "I'm going to run down our supper is here."

"I'll keep working." Xander skipped down the steps and out the door to meet the delivery guy carrying supper. As Xander turned around ready to go back in Angel stepped out of the dark.

"Hey Xander you got a minute."

He turned looking at him. "What are you doing out here?"

"I could tell you I was checking out the grounds but I'm not going to lie to you. I knew you were coming this way so I came out here to meet you."

"Angel don't take this personally but I have to much to deal with any drama right now."

"Why does it have to be drama? Maybe it's just catch up."

Xander laughed and leaned against the hallway wall. "Really? We just used to talk so much. We have so much to say to each other."

"You always do that. You attack and lash out. What have I ever done to you."

"Angel maybe some day you and I will sit down and we will have the big conversation about all of the tension between us. Today isn't that day though. I have to much to do and not enough time."

"Look I just am worried."

"About Buffy"

Angel nodded and shrugged. "I just want to help,"

"If you really want to help I'll give you one piece of advice."

"Give her space. You need to let her not only set the speed limit but plot the course."

"You don't believe I would do that?"

"I can see you coming a mile away."

Angry he crossed his arms and looked at him. "What do you see?'

"Okay I'll play your game." He looked Angel up and down. "You probably have that ring you gave Buffy. The one with the heart and the crown with the hands."

"The Claudia Ring and no I don't have it on me."

"You figure you will show it to her. If that isn't enough to make her remember you will tell her some story. It would probably be the story of you coming back from the hell dimension a wild beast but some how your love for her helped you to find your way back."

"Stop it."

"Then in your mind you think she'll hear the story and poof all of it will magically come back."

"That's not what I thought."

"Angel I have work to do."

"You can't tell me this new situation hasn't benefitted you. You have to be loving this."

"How dare you? Do you know how close I came to losing her? For the first 2 weeks she couldn't stand to be in the same room with me. She told me she didn't know how someone like me could ever be friends with her."

"Xander I"

"No. You are going to listen. I put the time in. I put the effort in. Yeah me and her are good now but it didn't happen magically."

"I'm sorry if I was out of line."

"Angel I don't have time I still have to get some stuff done. I haven't eaten and mostly I'm just tired."

"Fine but for the record. You were wrong. I don't have a game plan with Buffy."

Xander rubbed his eyes tired. "I just want what is best for Buffy."

"The stuff about the ring and story time. I am not that predictable."

"Just don't go charging in. Please be gentle." With that he turned around walked up the stairs carrying the food leaving Angel in the stairwell.

Once Xander was out of sight Angel reached in to his coat pocket pulling out a small box. He opened the ring box looking at the Claudia Ring. It was a replica of the one he gave her years ago. He sighed and tossed it in the garbage can with a simple grumble, "Stupid Xander thinking he knows everything"


	12. Chapter 12

Faith and the command of girls that followed her stood behind her. All of them looked a combination of angry, sad and disappointed. The rain pelted them and most of the girls were covered in dirt or mud.

As they filed in to the school Kylie ran to Faith's side. "I know things were rough but it doesn't have to be this way. When Xander led us he would." Faith whipped around staring down every girl.

"STOP. I am sick and tired of every one of you girls telling me this isn't the way Xander did it. I am not Xander. Now get cleaned up and get to bed." She turned leaving all of them standing there. Faith pulled off her boots and kept storming through the halls. Willow was grabbing a cup of coffee when she saw Faith. The mud caked in her hair and face made her stick out like a sore thumb.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Faith shook her head "It used to be I went out with the girls and just pointed to the graveyard. The only direction they ever needed was go and kill but now they want me to tell them everything."

"Still not explaining the mud."

Faith pulled at a mud clump in her hair trying to just get it out. "It's not my fault. These short little Oompa Loompa like demons. They came out of everywhere. Not really much of a threat just vicious bastards. The fun part though is when you kill one of them they explode like a giant meat sack. "

"So this isn't mud?"

"No it's mud. Gross little sons of bitches eat the stuff and then bam it's like the world's most disappointing piñata."

"Sounds like a nice welcome back to patrol."

"You know as much as this mud sucks it isn't even the worst part of my night." She shook her head. "I never signed up to be leader and commander to these girls. It's not really my thing but I do my best. They like Xander better. The entire night I keep hearing this isn't the way we usually do it."

Willow walked along side Faith. "Xander does good with the strategy end. I think it chalks back to the time he went all Gi Joe on Halloween. He can map out battle strategies and flanking."

"That's just it. He's good and I get it. I am more of a soldier then a leader. I never asked to be put in charge of anyone. I stepped up though to help. At Giles request might I add, I didn't ask for this. Now I come back and I haven't done anything different from the way I used to lead but it suddenly it isn't good enough anymore."

Willow stopped in front of Faith's door knowing this was as far as she would follow. "Why don't you talk to Xander maybe he could help you. Maybe he could teach you or."

"You aren't listening Willow. I don't want this role anymore. The girls don't want to follow me."

"What are you going to do?"

She looked down at her feet and sighed. "I don't know. I wish I could go to Xander and ask him to just take the team back. The girls like him. He has the results to show that this is something he can do."

"But?"

"Do you know what Xander did today?"

"Spent working the South wing trying to get everything ready for the coven."

"I don't' think it's fair that we heap so much on him. Hey Xander fix this and that oh and help with research on the latest demon and then instead of going to sleep that night take a group of girls out and throw away any prospect of any time you might have to yourself."

"He is busy."

"Willow he piles on to much and if I asked him to take back command of the girls he would do it. He would do it with out hesitation. He's too nice of a guy. He will sacrifice sleep and social life and any hope of anything fun all because that is who he is."

Willow sighed and nodded. "You are right. I know what it is to feel guilty asking him for anything. "

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well for now I am going to clean 12 pounds of mud out of my clothes and hair and then get some much needed sleep." Faith finally noticed the coffee cup Willow had been nursing from. "What are you doing up so late."

"Remember coven on the way. This is kind of my time to shine. I'm trying to find a place for everyone and everyone in their place."

Faith closed her eyes and sighed "Do we ever get a vacation around here?'

"Kind of makes me wish there were two of me at times."

"And it could be nice if she wasn't a black leather clad vampire."

"Or a sex robot."

Faith nodded in agreement. "Always the sex robots that get forgotten."

"Get some sleep Faith. It will put everything in to perspective."

She nodded and yawned "Night Will."

Willow was heading to her room when the bell on the elevator rang out. Buffy stepped off the elevator and smiled. "It's good to see I am not the only one up at this hour."

Willow nodded stepping to her side. "We do keep the craziest hours here. What's keeping you awake."

"Oh Xander and I just finished testing all the wiring."

"It's nice to see that you and Xander are getting along so well. Working together as well as you do with the rebuild."

"So Will what keeps you up?"

"Just burning the midnight oil. Some things never change."

"We should find a bucket of brownie batter ice cream and Lethal Weapon on tv."

"Just like old ti" Willow stopped and turned to Buffy. "I remember that night. I was just back at UC Sunnydale and you were finishing a patrol. We turned the tv on and killed that bucket of ice cream."

"It was a lot of fun."

"You and I were the only ones awake that night. I could have been the only one to tell you that story."

"What's the big deal?"

"I never told you that story. Don't you see what this means?"

Buffy got a blank look on her face suddenly realizing. "I have regained a memory."

Willow smiled at her "It's coming back."

"Whoa hold on Willow I mean it's just one memory and a cop flick and bucket of ice cream isn't exactly a foundation to build off of."

"I know and I get that but it's a starting point. Its hope Buffy."

She stood there in a shock as the idea hit her for the first time. "I could get all of it back? I could"

Willow hugged Buffy tightly. "This is great Buffy."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm tired and got a lot of work tomorrow. For now let just keep this between us."

"I promise my lips are sealed." Buffy walked to her room saying nothing-just thinking. As she got ready for bed her mind raced. It was difficult to fall asleep. When she finally did sleep she dreamed. She opened her eyes to find she was in her room and in her bed. She stood up and looked around.

She could hear a voice calling to her in the distance. At first it was faint and unrecognizable. She whipped around trying to find where the sound was coming from.

"Who is there?"

"You don't belong here."

Buffy turned towards her dresser. The sound seemed to come from that direction. She looked up at the mirror. "What do you want?"

The reflection was fuzzy it was her but different. Not a difference you could see at first glance. You had to look close. It was in the eyes. Finally the image spoke. "You don't belong here."

Buffy looked at the mirror and at the girl that looked so much like her. "This is my room. You are the one trespassing."

The reflection laughed at the statement almost tauntingly. "You don't get it. I am not the one trespassing. Everything you have belongs to me. It is mine and I'm coming back. Right now you are just a stranger renting a room until the owner comes back and evicts you."

Buffy shook her head not wanting to hear the words. "No."

"I'm sorry but this is your notice of eviction. I'm coming back and I'm taking what belongs to me."

Buffy shook her head. "No this is mine. I won't give it up."

"You don't have a choice."

"I'll stop you I'll fight you I'll"

"I'm not only stronger but I am better."

Buffy shook her head and felt a rage building inside her. She clenched her fist and could hear no more. She lashed out at the mirror with everything she had wanting to destroy it. As her hand connected it fractured the glass spider webbing the glass sending cracks through it.

The image still stood there with the cracks running through the glass. She looked at Buffy. "Poor scared little girl. I am not the enemy. I am the thing that kills the enemy I am Buffy the vampire slayer and I will be taking back what belongs to me."

Buffy woke up suddenly and quickly from the dream. She shook scared and nervous of what she just saw. She jumped up out of bed and ran to the light switch quickly turning it on. She looked at the dresser in the room and swallowed a nervous lump in her throat. She stepped back to the dresser looking at the mirror. It was un-cracked and undamaged. She stepped to it slowly afraid of what she might see in the reflection. She slowly raised the hand to the mirror touching its smooth surface. She steadied herself and muttered. "It was only a dream." She slowly inched back towards her bed and thought back to the dream.

What would happen to her if her memories did come back? She was so different from the girl of her past. Memories had become so important to Buffy. It was your memories that defined who you were. Your past experiences in life carved out what you would become.

The thought that scared her most was the memories. If the memories came back they would carve away at her shaping her in to the person she was. Eventually remembering so much that she simply did not exist.


	13. Fragments of me 13

Buffy didn't tell anyone about her dream. She wasn't really able to get back to sleep after the nightmare though. When the girls showed up at 9 AM to start work on the South Wing Buffy was already there and had a table set up in the hallway. She had juice, coffee and donuts ready for anyone who wanted them.

Stephanie came up and grabbed a glazed looking at Buffy. "Wow this is nice Buffy."

"Well I woke up early and gathered a few treats and grabbed the tools so we could get started right away."

"Someone is feeling ambitious."

Buffy shrugged "Not really a big thing." A few minutes later Xander made his way to the table. He looked at Buffy. "Hey Bufferino." He grabbed a glazed out of the box. "I don't tell you I love you nearly enough."

"You love me?"

Xander pointed to the glazed donut in his hand with a mouth full looked at Buffy. "I was talking to the donut."

Like the day before the girls worked hard. With in 2 hours all the drywall was hung and in place. The girls took to mudding and taping. They weren't artists by any means. A good mudder should have made the seams invisible but considering the rush they were under he had to give it to them.

At 11 30 he released everyone for an extended lunch. He needed to give the time for the mud to dry. Buffy moved through the cafeteria loading up her tray with enough to feed 2 people. She looked around the cafeteria for Xander. He was still doing clean up. She started to head over to the other girls when she felt a shoulder on her hand.

Angel stood behind her "I was hoping we could talk."

Buffy turned around seeing Angel. She pulled away not liking the intrusive touch. "Nothing personal but please don't touch me."

Angel nodded "I apologize. Old habit I guess."

Buffy looked at Angel "Well I was going to join the other girls if you want to."

He shook his head "Kind of in front of the window and you know the whole anti sunlight thing."

"Oh right. You are a vampire." She looked at him "I guess I could eat at the table in the hall."

"That would be great."

Buffy lead the way and sat down at the desk in the hallway. She put her food down and started immediately on the bag of chips. Angel sat down looking at Buffy curiously.

She was still covered in dry wall dust and had the drywall mud on her hands. "I have never seen this side to you?"'

"What side?"

"Well I never saw you as construction girl?"

Buffy opened her bag of chips obviously hungry. "Never to late to learn something new."

"Isn't everything you learn these days something new."

She smirked a little. "Very true." She popped open her soda and took a sip. Gone was the Buffy who took dainty bites. This was more like the construction worker outside the lunch wagon.

"So I was kind of hoping we could catch up tonight."

"Aren't we doing that right now?"

"Well I was just. Buffy you are a big part of my life and I like to think I was an important part of yours. I would like my chance to tell you some of our stories from the past."

Buffy chewed her food and nodded. "That does make sense but with the work in the South wing I'm not going to have a lot of time at least till Friday."

"Well I can wait till Friday."

Buffy shrugged "Well what do you have in mind?"

"We used to train pretty good together. Why don't we pull an all nighter. I could help you with patrol and then we can come back and work on some our old relaxation techniques."

Buffy stopped mid bite and looked up at him. "Relaxation techniques isn't code for anything is it, cause if so you can count me out."

"Buffy I am talking about meditation and some different yoga stances."

"Yoga?"

"We used to practice it before it was cool."

"Willow tells me that we go back a long ways."

"Over a decade."

"So you know a lot of things about my past."

"Yeah of course. I know things about us that your friends can't tell you."

"Well what if I wanted to know stuff that wasn't about us?"

"Don't you have the slayers and your friends for that stuff?"

Buffy nodded leaning forward and whispered. "Some things people refuse to tell me. Everyone here is so tight that they won't say anything."

"What kind of stuff you want to know?"

"Do you know the story between Xander and how he lost his eye?"

"Xander? You want me to tell you about Xander?" She nodded and picked up her sandwich taking a bite. "Well why don't you ask him?"

She swallowed the bite "He won't tell me anything."

His face was a mixture of confliction and confusion. "Buffy I'm not sure how I feel about this. I mean it's not really my business."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh." She finished the last bite on the sandwich and picked up her cookie. "Well I should get back."

Angel stood up. "But were still on for Friday."

Buffy shrugged "Probably. I mean we can wait and see."

Spike watched Buffy walk away standing in a corner. He saw the frustrated look on Angel's face and couldn't help but smile. "I think that's what the Americans calls striking out."

"Shut up Spike."

"Hey I feel for ya. I mean it's not like I'm connecting with her."

Angel shook his head looking at the ground. "I just get this feeling when she looks at me she sees me like."

"You are the enemy?'

"Exactly."

"I get the same feeling."

"I just don't get it."

"Oh come on Angel you can't be that dense. It's obvious why she looks at us this way."

"Well spell it out for me."

Spike paced in front of Angel his hands behind his back. "Who does she spend the most time with lately?"

"With all the construction I guess I'd have to say Xander." He looked at Spike in the eyes. "You think this is Xander's doing?"

"Oh come on we both know he hates you. He hates me almost as much."

"Actually I think he hates you more."

"No it's you."

"Spike just stay on focus."

"Right. Anyways don't you find it funny that Buffy is suddenly giving us the cold shoulder."

"You think Xander is turning her against us?"

"She has no memories to base on. All she has is what people tell her. What do you think he's been telling her?"

"She's a ball of clay and he's shaping her in to"

"In his own perfect little Buffy."

"And they call us evil." He shook his head "I'm not going to let this happen."

"Damn right we aren't."

"I say it's time we figure this out."

As the night wound down Buffy looked at the nearly finished rooms. A fresh coat of paint and some nice trim work went a long way. Tomorrow morning they would haul the beds in and finish well ahead of schedule. He picked up his tools and sent the girls on the way.

Buffy was putting the final screw in to the light fixture and stepped down from her stepladder. Buffy stepped back looking at the entire room. Xander came behind her slapping her shoulder, "Good feeling isn't it?"

"It's just so hard to believe that we went from broken shambles to this."

"To borrow a line from Bob the builder. Can we fix it. YES WE CAN." They suddenly turned around as they heard someone clearing his throat. Xander saw Giles standing in the hall.

"It's nice to know you have time to sing children's songs when we have a coven arriving in less then 24 hours." Xander jaw dropped unsure what to say. Giles serious demeanor was pealed away and he laughed. "I'm joking of course."

Buffy smiled "That's good I was about to tear you a new one."

Giles stepped in the room. "No tearing necessary Buffy. I not only want to commend you Xander but all of the girls. I put in front of you an impossible task and yet you came through with flying colors."

Xander laughed, "We aren't quite done yet but the rest should be done early morning."

Giles scratched his chin. "You know if you finished 6 rooms in 3 days just imagine how quickly you could finish the entire school."

Xander spun around and picked up a hammer. "I'm going to kill him Buffy."

Giles just laughed. "I'm joking. I know you are tired and I promise soon you'll have your old schedule back."

Buffy looked at Giles. "I'm going to take a day to relax but I want to get back to a regular patrol schedule after that. "

Giles nodded "You'll be under Faith's command."

Buffy plastered the biggest fakest smile she could muster. "That sounds just super but what about Xander and his squad."

Xander was shutting the lights off in the room ready to leave. "I don't really have a squad Buffy. I mean I was just helping out till Faith took back over."

Buffy turned to Giles "You should give him one. He's like 10 times better then anyone you got."

Xander shook his head "Buffy don't exaggerate." He pulled the door shut walking with them down the hall.

Giles shook his head "I'm well aware of Xander's accomplishments. I would be more then willing to give Xander his own command if that's what he wanted."

Xander bit his lip looking reluctant. "Buffy it's nothing personal but I keep busy enough around here with doing everything else."

Buffy nodded "I get that but this is about safety. While you were in charge no one was hurt. Your plans were amazing."

Xander stopped as Buffy and Giles continued walking. "Buffy why don't you do it?"

The two of them stopped and looked at him. Buffy soaked in the idea. "But you were always the one who came up with the battle strategy and lay out. You knew where to put everyone. Who worked well together."

Xander shrugged "I could teach you that stuff."

Buffy shook her head "Xander this isn't stuff you can teach. Either you have it or you don't."

Xander shook his head. "Buffy I"

Giles took off his glasses stating the obvious. "What if you two were to work together?"

Buffy smiled "Like Co-Captains"

Giles nodded "It would alleviate much of the time Xander used to spend."

Xander nodded getting it. "I could still strategize the plans and you could put them in to effect in the field."

You could see the excitement growing in Buffy's eyes. "We'd have to put together a team of girls."

Giles shook his head. "Actually I don't think you would. You could just take over the A squad."

Xander shook his head objecting. "I'm not stealing Faith's spot."

Giles stood in front of Buffy and Xander. "You wouldn't be stealing it. Faith wanted me to give it back to you but she said she felt guilty about lumping so much work on you."

Just then a smile spread across Buffy's face. Xander could swear he saw a bit of an evil glint to Buffy's eyes. "So Faith would technically be just another slayer and under our watch."

Giles stammered a little. "Well technically I suppose."

Xander shook his head "Buffy stop it."

Giles cleared his throat. "I assume you'll need time to think it over."

Xander nodded ready to tell Giles he would let them know after thinking it over. Buffy just nodded though taking command. "We will do it."

Giles smiled. "I'm sure Faith will be thrilled."

As Giles walked away Xander couldn't help but laugh. Buffy turned to him curious.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh it's just you taking charge and answering for me. You are getting more and more like her everyday."

Buffy smiled but felt uneasy hearing the words. "Yep just like her."


	14. Fragments of me 14

Fresh off the plane the coven of witches carried there bags out of the airport shuttle van and made there way inside the school. Several of the slayers looked out the window watching as the strangers filed in. Willow and Giles stood in the entryway greeting the girls as they came in.

Faith and Buffy watched in the hallway watching from a distance. Faith sighed "Yet more girls to add to the school. Seriously why can't it be a fleet of Marines we are reaching out too?"

Buffy sighed watching them. "Cut em some slack. This has to be hard. I mean they were forced from there home and now they have to make the best of a bad situation."

"I guess."

"Besides Giles says we are going to be getting some new watchers by the end of the year."

Faith turned away from the in coming witches and looked at Buffy. "Tomorrow is the first night you and Xander are taking command."

Buffy nodded. "Technically it's me in the field giving the orders and Xander is coming up with the battle plan."

"Fine but don't be thinking just cause you are the so called leader I'm going to be all yes Sir."

Buffy rolled her eyes and shook her head "Of course not. You can call me Commander Summers." Buffy laughed and walked away.

"Sooooo not happening."

By noon most of the witches had found their rooms and a couple of the slayers were showing them on tours of the school. Xander was sitting in the library across from Andrew at a table. Andrew was kind enough to bring out his newest comic books and Xander was catching up on what was going on with Clark Kent and Peter Parker.

Andrew for his part was doing his best at remaining quiet so Xander could read finally he put down a copy of Batman. "So do you think these new Witches are good witches."

Xander sighed and put the comic book down. "Good as in they are skilled or Good as in like Glenda from the Wizard of Oz."

"Either or?"

With a deep breath Xander rubbed his temple. "I trust Giles judgment and with that judgment comes the basic understanding that he will not invite evil witches in to my life. As for powerful Willow speaks for them."

"These are the girls that helped her after she went all dark roots."

A small grin spread across Xanders face. "And tried to kill you."

"Hey don't sound so happy."

"Sorry it's not you. It's the situation."

"You are right. I mean how often is it the bad guy suits up to play for the other side."

"Well there is Spike."

"Yeah I guess you are right."

"Angel also spring to mind."

"Okay you proved your point."

"Let's not forget my ex Anya. I mean she spent how many years as a Vengeance demon punishing men. Then we have Faith and her tale of falling in to the pit of darkness only to climb her way out."

"Ya ever notice redemption is a running theme in this group."

"Well you have never done the whole big evil."

Xander put the comic book down and looked at Andrew. "No one is perfect we have all done things we regret or would change."

"Xander Harris what have you done that I so bad?'

"Let's see I was under Dracula's thrall, then there was the time I called fourth a demon in the town that made everyone sing and dance. Then you have wild hyena Xander. Not one of my finer moments."

"Well Mister Giles is"

Xander interrupted. "Giles used to be known as Ripper. With his magical past it wouldn't have been a stretch to think he could have ended up like Ethan Rayne."

Andrew smile had crestfallen a bit. "Wow so I guess we are all evil."

Xander laughed and shook his head looking down at the table. "The point is Andrew that we all have made mistakes. Some of the mistakes are bigger then others but as a Scooby we look to the higher purpose and all that."

Just then the library door opened and a new face walked through she had mid lengthy curly hair crystal blue eyes and soft features. She had a strong resemblance to the blonde doctor from the show Scrubs.

Xander turned as he heard the door open and was instantly enamored. Andrew noticed her also. "Is she a new slayer?"

"I don't think so? She doesn't look like anyone I've seen" She stopped in the middle of the library and looked around then made eye contact with Xander. She smiled at him and started walking towards his table.

Xander stood up meeting her half way. "You look lost. Can I help you find something?"

"Actually I was looking for you?"

"For me? Uh oh that's never good."

"Relax. My name is Hope. Willow told me I could find you in here."

"Seek and you shall something something."

She smiled at him. "I owe you a thank you. I understand you were the one who got the rooms ready for me and my girls."

"Your girls?" Xander looked a little surprised. "You are the one in charge of the coven." The surprise was obvious on Xander's face. "But you are so young I mean."

"You were expecting someone Mister Giles's age. You probably were thinking I'd be very British and uptight."

"Well sort of yeah,"

She smiled again and shook her head. "My mentor was very much the old British stereotype. When she stepped down I took her place. I was doing fine for 6 months and then we got attacked."

"Giles told me that you and your girls were looking for safe haven. I hope you can find that here."

"Everyone has gone above and beyond to make us feel welcome."

""If there is anything I can do to help just ask."

"You have done more then enough. Willow told me what you and your crew did in 3 days all I have is thank you."

"The girls did everything so they deserve the thanks. I'm just a lug with a hammer."

"You are just like Willow said you would be."

"What did Willow say?"

Hope started walking out of the library as Xander walked by her side. "Her and I go back a couple of years."

"You were in the coven that she stayed with when she had her melt down."

"We spent a lot of time together that summer. She's an amazing witch."

"Well I feel I owe you thanks now. After Tara died she was." He shook his head "Besides the whole scary veiny evil witch rising thing, past all of that I saw her broken in a way that she never had been before."

"She's very important to you?"

"Only since I was 5"

"Us Witches stick together. We are a tight knit family."

"I can relate the feeling. All the slayers here Giles all of us we are tight."

"Well I hope you don't think we are just crashers looking for a place to put our feet up and relax. We earn our keep here and will pull our weight."

Xander stuck his hand out to shake. "Hey I am glad you are here" Hope took his hand and shook it back. "I have to get some work done but I'm sure I'll see you around."

Hope nodded but held his hand just a bit longer. "Mister Giles said you are the repair guy."  
"Not just repairs. I do a little of everything. I help with patrols and run some of the practice drills."

"I didn't mean that as a insult. I only ask cause I wanted to offer my services."

Xander chuckled a little looking at her. "Your services."

"Hey don't give me that look. You might see one extremely beautiful sexy, self confident witch but beneath that lies a construction worker with years experience."

"You really?"

"My father had his own construction company. I probably have more time in building then you."

Xander backed up a little and laughed looking her up and down. "That sounds like a challenge."

"Not at all. It's an offer. You want some help around here just say the word."

"So you are the construction worker Wiccan? Any other talents you want to tell me about."

"I make killer good pancakes."

He laughed, "I think you'll fit in just fine around here."

On the other side of the school Spike and Angel walked down the hall. Spike was following Angel's lead but wasn't 100 percent sure with the battle plan they were jumping in to.

"Angel why the hell are we doing this again?"

"We want to find a way to get back in Buffy's good graces. You don't want to do this fine. Go back to your room and I'll step up."

"And leave you to get all the credit. No bloody way."

"It's just sparring Spike. Buffy came to me and asked if we would help with some of the girls. She said it would take training to a new level if she had vampires for the girls to actually spar with,"

"Sounds like a good way to get staked."

"Stop being so dramatic."

As they entered the gym Buffy stood in front of the girls leading a class. "The thing is you can spar with each other and practice all you want but at the end of the day nothing quite prepares you for a vampire."

Angel listened to the words standing in the doorway as Buffy talked. Buffy looked at them for a second but kept the same stern look. "Vampire has an advantage over most people. A vampire looks human. They sound human. They will use that. They will lie to you. They will tell you what you want to hear. But never forget what they are. They are predators who feed on life itself. They are leaches and will kill you the second you drop your guard. "

Spike leaned over to Angel whispering. "Oh yeah Angel this was a sodding beautiful idea." Angel was about to say something when Buffy pointed to them.

"I have managed to get two vampires here today who are willing to spar with you. I have told them not to take it easy on you. So I expect you to come at them with everything you have. I don't care what stories you may have heard of them in your past. Today they are not Angel or Spike. They are Vampire one and Vampire 2."

Spike raised his hand "For the record I'm vampire one. I don't take second billing."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I want you to show me what you got." Buffy looked at Spike and Angel and pointed to some of the mats in the middle of the gym. Spike and Angel slowly made there way there. The girls formed a circle around them. Buffy looked at two of the slayer "Becca and Aubrey get us started."

Angel looked at Buffy. "I think we should say fir" a right cross to the face from Aubrey interrupted him. Spike pointed and laughed only to find a foot quickly coming at his face. Buffy started barking commands to the girls. She ordered kicks, punches, sweeps roundhouses biting, slapping and scratching,

Aubtry and Becca kept fighting till they could barely stand. When they were tired and could take no more Buffy yelled, "Done."

Spike smiled relieved. "Thank goodness I"

Buffy shook her head "I was talking to Aubrey and Becca. You two out." She pointed to the next two girls sending them in.

Angel looked at Buffy "How about 5 minutes to catch our breath"

"You don't have breath." And with out warning it started again as one of the slayers delivered a quick kick to Angel's spine. This continued for the next 3 hours as the girls used Spike and Angel as punching bags. At one point one of the girls started going easy on Spike and Buffy looked to her. "Don't worry about hurting him. They have that magical vampire healing."

So when they were done they laid on there back in the center of the gym to weak to move. They looked like Sly at the end of Rocky. Buffy looked at the girls. "Okay that was really good girls. Grab a towel and hit the showers." As the girls headed out Spike And Angel started pulling themselves up groaning in pain.

Buffy came over to them helping them up, "You two I want to tell you thank you. I think you helped the girls that you gave them real sparring time with a vampire."

Spike groaned in pain grabbing his should and let a primal scream out as he pushed the shoulder back in the socket. "I think it was easier to win your respect last time by saving the sodding world."

Angel started limping towards the door. "Normally this is where I would tell Spike to shut up but I have to take his side." Spike followed his lead walking away from her a little bitter.

Buffy laughed chasing after them. "Hey hey hey stop." They both turned facing her. "I know I encouraged the girls to be hard on you and I know you did it as a favor to me. So let me pay you back proper."

Spike tilted his head. "And how would you do that?"

"You two go get cleaned up and be back here in an hour. It's my night off we can get some drinks at the club in town."

Angel looked at her "I can barely move Buffy."

Spike saw his opportunity. "Angel is right he should stay back you and me can go."

Angel gritted his teeth. "Like hell you are. I'm going."

Buffy laughed, "Great I'll see you two back here in an hour."

With that Angel and Spike limped down the hallway to there rooms. Angel looked at Spike offering a small smile. "I told you this would work."

"You have a really messed up definition of work."


	15. Chapter 15

Buffy stood on the roof of the van doing her best to get a better view of the graveyard. She spotted a demon threat by the Myers crypt and did her best to deal with it. She took out the hand held radio. "Okay Sylvester and Tweety 300 yards for you looks like you got a house sized demon ready to do some damage."

Faith answered the radio. "I hate these stupid names. I am not Tweety." Noxi just laughed she had got along fairly well with the senior slayer and made the transition well as her partner.

Buffy just ignored Faith's comment. "Tom and Jerry I want you at Myers Crypt offering back up. " Buffy picked up the binoculars and turned her attention east towards a tool shed. "Betty and Veronica how are you coming on that vampire nest."

Spike answered the call. "I hate these sodding radios. Why don't we do things the old fashioned way."

Angel interrupted "It's done. They weren't much of a threat."

Buffy nodded "Good job Betty. Now grab Veronica and get to the Myers crypt."

When the night's patrol was done once again the slayers won the day. Buffy was doing a weapons inventory as everyone waited around. Spike was smoking a cigarette and Angel was helping one of the girls with a fighting stance when Buffy called the team together.

"Okay tonight was good. You guys are my well-oiled machine. This graveyard is a great deal bigger then we usually deal with but you have adapted well. I have some inside information that says a factory in the old business district some vamps are using as there own personal condo."

Noxi looked at Buffy. "Why didn't we go there tonight?"

Buffy was reading from the clipboard but checking off everyone's name. "We got the information to late in the day. Xander wanted to wait to work up a proper battle strategy."

Faith shook her head "What ever happened to the days of just charging in to battle."

Buffy looked up from the clipboards. "Well from the stories I've been told I died twice, you were in a coma,"

Faith grinned like the Cheshire cat. "The good ole days."

Buffy slapped the side of the van. "Alright back to base. We are calling it a night."

20 minutes later the rag tag group found there way in to the school. Buffy was tired but always touched base with Xander telling him how the battle strategy went for the night.

Buffy walked in the library to find Hope and Xander sitting at the table arguing. Xander looked at Hope almost indignant. "I'm sorry but you are wrong. The new Batman movies are truly amazing. The story and plot were way better but that doesn't' mean Bale is the best Batman ever."

Hope rolled her eyes. "Oh really? Who is then? Clooney?"

"Clooney got a bum wrap. The script was so bad that no one could have done good in that movie but no he wouldn't have been my choice. I'm going Michael Keaton."

"MICHAEL KEATON? Really the guys like a troll. He had to wear lifts as Batman. Vicki Vale was taller then Batman."

Buffy stepped forward clearing her throat. Xander looked up seeing her "Oh hey Buff."

"I'm sorry to interrupt."

Hope stood up and shook her head "Oh you aren't interrupting. I was just shutting down Xander's ridiculous argument."

Xander scoffed at her. "Just be ready to work your butt off tomorrow."

Buffy looked at Xander "Tomorrow?"

"Hope has this idea in her head that she's better dry waller then I am."

Buffy looked surprised. "Oh so you are helping us."

Xander slapped his hands together. "The more the merrier I say."

Hope waked away and Buffy turned her attention to Xander. "She seems…"

"Nice isn't she."

"Yeah sure. Anyways I wanted to tell you how tonight went."

"How'd my plans work?"

Buffy leaned against the bookshelf. "It was good. I don't think Angel and Spike were too jazzed about the code names but other then that tonight was a total win." "Great, That reminds me. I have something for you."

"A present?"

He laughed and started walking to his room. "A battle strategy shaped present."

"Always the best kinds."

Xander turned around walking backwards so he could look at Buffy as he walked. "So seriously how were Spike and Angel? Are the girls working well with them?"

"Okay I'm not going to lie. On more then one instance I had to remind them they were foot soldiers and not the captain. They wanted to do things the way they felt was right. I called them out on it and said either follow orders or get the hell out of the way."

"That worked?"

"It has for now."

Xander turned around as they arrived at his room. He unlocked the door and invited Buffy in. "So the vamps at the factory tomorrow are a little stronger then most of what we have been seeing lately."

"Strong how?"

Xander picked up the file up off his desk. "Seems like we've hit a lot of the pimple faced fat slacker vamps lately."

"It is true. Vamps aren't really selective with who they sire."

"Anyways these are more old school. I wouldn't call them as experienced as Spike or Angel but they aren't newbies." He put the file in Buffy's hand. "Anyways your victory dance is spelled out in here."

"You are an artist Commander Harris."

"I'll walk you through the finer points tomorrow morning."

Buffy nodded and held the file up. "I will bring this to breakfast."

They said there good nights and Buffy found her way to her room. Dawn as most nights was already in bed snoring loudly. Buffy was so tired it was easy to shut out the noise.

The next morning the alarm rang out at 8:30AM and Buffy got out of bed and in to the shower. She quickly got dressed and headed out the door. She spun around and stopped suddenly remembering the file. She picked it up off the desk and headed to the cafeteria. She was a little surprised to see Xander wasn't there yet. Usually it was him waiting on her. She took this as her chance to do something nice. She grabbed a cheese Danish and coffee for him and took her yogurt and juice to the table Giles and Willow were sitting at.

Giles looked up at Buffy "Good morning Buffy"

Willow looked at the food in front of her. "Someone is hungry today."

"Oh no. This isn't all for me." She held up the folder "Xander is meeting with me to talk battle strategy. Although he is running behind this morning usually he's here before me."

Willow looked up at Buffy. "Who is meeting you here?"

"Xander. You know we have been leading Faith's old squad."

Giles looked confused at the name. "Xander? That's an odd name for a slayer. Have I met her?"

Willow looked to Buffy. "Is she one of the new Midwest recruits? Those girls are fierce."

Buffy laughed thinking they were messing with her. "Very funny. The whole mess with memory girls head. That's good."

Giles shook his head. "Buffy I'm doing no such thing. I can honestly say I have no recollection of this Xander you speak of."

Buffy was growing aggravated by this game. "Wow someone has done something to your mind if you have blocked Xander out. I wonder if it's just you two." Buffy leaned over and looked at Brittany who was eating a bagel. "Hey have you seen Xander this morning?"

Brittany had the same perplexed confused look to her face. "Who?"

Buffy turned back to Giles. "You have known Xander for 10 years." She then looked at Willow "You have known him since you were 5."

Willow reached across the table taking Buffy's hand. "Buffy I know things have been hard. With the memory of what is real and what isn't. Maybe you just need a day of rest."

Buffy stood up grabbing the file Xander made. "Look right here. He made this see it says" She looked at the folder that once had Xanders name on it. In it's place was hers.. She stammered for a second confused. "This makes no sense."

Giles looked at her "Calm down perhaps it would be best if you just" Buffy shook her head not hearing any of it. Instead she turned and ran out of the cafeteria down the hall and to the other side of the school. She ran as fast as she could to Xander's room and flung open the door. "XANDER."

Xander was nowhere to be found but instead was Faith laying in bed tired and sleeping. "What the hell is your damage?"'

"Why are you sleeping in here?"

Faith sat up wrapping the sheet around her. "This is my room. Where would you expect me to sleep?"

Buffy shook her head. "No no no no no no. This is Xander's room. He was just here 8 hours ago. I saw him before I went to sleep."

Faith shook her head confused "Buffy I don't know what you are talking about." Buffy could hear no more, she left the room angry, she started looking to anyone who could possibly remember Xander.

She talked with Hope and Noxi Brittany, Andrew, Spike and Angel. All of them looked confused when she mentioned the name. It was like he never existed. She knew what ever she was up against she would need help.

She ended up in the library looking for Giles. Giles was teaching a home school class to some of the younger girls. Buffy pulled him aside.

He looked to a little belligerent. "Buffy you can't interrupt these classes. These girls by law must attend a set number of class hours every week and as such."

"Giles Stop. This is an emergency. Someone is messing with all of you. Something is going on and I can't deal with this on my own."

Giles closed his eyes and sighed. He looked to the class. "Okay I went you to read chapter 3-6 and answer the questions that go along with the chapters. I will be back momentarily."

Buffy pulled Giles out of the library. "So here is what I think. Someone has kidnapped Xander and then did something to everyone's memory so that they don't remember him."

"Xander? This is the person you were speaking of this morning."

"This has to be big time Giles. I went to where his room used to be and all his things were gone. Faith was sleeping in there and acted like the room had always been hers."

"She has always had the same room Buffy."

Buffy smiled getting an idea. "The New Witches Coven Giles. When we needed the work done for all those rooms how did it get done. Who did all of that?"

"We hired contractors Buffy. I can show you the paperwork."

"Contractors? No. You didn't. It was Xander and me and a bunch of the other girls. We were." She looked frustrated.

"What is it you expect me to do?"

"Get Willow and Dawn I'll get Andrew and Faith, We have to figure this out."

Giles nodded "Conference room in 10 minutes."

Buffy found Andrew tinkering with some gadgets in his room and Faith was just getting ready for her day. She practically had to drag them to the conference room but she got them there. Giles was already there with Willow as Faith and Andrew took a seat.

Buffy looked around the room then to Giles. "Where's Dawn?"

Giles gave the same look he did with Xander. "Who?"

Buffy's eyes went wide as pancakes. "Dawn Summers my sister."

Willow stood up inching towards Buffy. "Buffy you have always been an only child."

Buffy slammed her fist down on the table. "No no no." Buffy reached in to her back pocket pulling out a picture of Joyce Dawn and Buffy. Buffy looked at the picture to find Dawn was gone. She shook her head looking like she was going to lose it. "No. This isn't happening."

Willow walked to her "Calm Down Buffy we will figure this out."

Buffy looked at Faith with tears in her eyes. She was desperate for anyone to believe her. "Come on Dawn? She shares a room with me."

Faith looked at her "I've known you Buffy for years and I've never heard anything about Dawn."

Buffy sat down in the chair and felt the tears starting. "I'm losing them. I'm losing them and no will ever know,"

Faith reached across the table taking Buffy's hand "Hey don't cry. We can figure this out. We are slayers we are strong."

Giles looked to Willow, "Come to the library with me and lets gather some information."

Willow followed Giles out the door and down the hall. "What do you think is going on with Buffy?"

"I think the pressure is getting to be to much. Her mind was a blank canvas weeks ago and now she has had all these thoughts and stories jammed in to her head. Her very reality is starting to break down. She doesn't know what is real and what is imagination."

"She losing it Giles we have to help her."

"She is in a fragile state and we have to deal with her accordingly."

"Agreed"

Buffy for her part had pulled it back together. She wanted to cry. She wanted to break down but if she lost it then Xander and Dawn would be lost, Right now she was the only one who remembered them and she had to stay strong for them. She pulled away from Faith's hand. "I think I'm going to go and talk with Angel. He has contacts that might know what kind of demons can do this sort of thing?"

Andrew looked at Faith. "I know Angie. Angel doesn't ring any bells."

Buffy kept her fact to the door and closed her eyes. "Let me guess. You don't know Angel?"

Faith shrugged "Sorry Buffy. It doesn't sound familiar." Buffy shook her head and walked out of the room. She stopped at her room and looked for any sign of her sister. Of course there was none. She stopped in the basement next to the boiler room to find the room that was cleaned up and made in to a bedroom now dirty and filled with tools.

It wasn't just Buffy's friends. There were whole slayers who Buffy had worked with. They were slayers that no one had ever knew existed. But Buffy knew. Even members of the new Coven who she had just gotten to know were gone.

Buffy found her way to the outside pacing and thinking. In her mind she knew they existed even if others questioned her sanity. Every time she called someone out they had a viable answer.

Buffy asked Faith who her battle partners were just weeks earlier in LA. She told her Andrew was there and then some of the slayers from the area helped her. She never mentioned Spike or Angel. Buffy asked Willow the first night that she was gassed by the demon. Who found her in the graveyard and brought her back to the school. Of course Willow said it was Giles.

What ever magic or mojo was working was doing it's thing to patch the holes that would be created by ripping a person out of existence. Just before 4pm Willow came to Buffy telling her they may have found something.

Buffy felt relieved and followed Willow to the library. Hope was sitting at a table with Faith and Willow a few slayers gathered around. Willow pulled out a seat for Buffy. "We think we know what is going on Buffy."

"We have got to work quick. What ever is doing this is working fast, at this rate by sundown everyone will be gone."

"No one is gone Buffy?"

Buffy looked around the room. "Where is Giles?" Even as she asked the question she knew he was gone.

Willow looked to Faith and then back to Buffy. "I'm sure Niles is safe."

Buffy sprang up. "Giles His name is Rupert Giles. He's the watcher at this school."

Faith nodded her head trying not to seem condescending. "I'm sure he'll be right along."

Buffy knew what they were doing. "I'm not crazy. This isn't my memory failing me. This is real and you are treating me like I'm losing it."

Willow slowly walked to the front of the table. "No one said crazy. But Buffy you have been through a lot this month and it would make the most sense that you might get some things confused. It's normal that you have to question some of what is real and some of what isn't."

Buffy stood up angry. "This is a school for slayers. Why is there not a single watcher here? What practical sense does that make?"

Faith looked at Buffy. "We didn't want to do things the way the watcher council had for 100's of years. You were the one who said we would carve out our own way."

"Faith sometime soon I'm going to turn around and you are going to be gone. I'm going to ask Willow or Hope or someone what's going on and they'll act as if they never heard of you."

Willow looked at Buffy and sat across from her. "Buffy have you ever heard of Akham's razor." Buffy shook her head. "It's the idea that the most obvious logic is usually the right one."

"Willow."

"So you tell me Buffy what is more logical. A world of characters and friends family that only you can remember one by one disappearing. Not only them disappearing but any proof they ever existed. They don't have any pictures or belonging. There is nothing to show they ever were alive."

"Willow it's the spell."

"Or someone who has already been having trouble with there memory. They are now uncertain of what is real and what isn't."

Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head "I know what's real. I know what I believe." She fought the back the tears and opened her eyes to find the room empty except for Willow. "They are gone aren't they?"

"Who?'

Buffy stood up and backed away from the table. "Willow this school we live at. How many people live here?"

"It's just you and me. Dynamic Duo remember?"

Buffy stood up stepped to Willow "What possible sense does that make. Why would we ever need an entire school just for you and me?"

"You said it was pretty."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "The holes they are patching are so implausible that they don't even make good sense anymore. "Really Willow? Really I want to live in an old school cause it was pretty?"

Willow looked at Buffy and heard her words. "That is kind of strange I have to admit."

Buffy smiled. It was the first time since all of it had started that any one possibly believed her. "It doesn't make sense does it?"

"We have to work quick Willow. I think you are the only one left and if I lose you I don't know what happens."

Willow said no words she just nodded. "I'm going to go to the library and grab some books. We will figure this out I promise you." Buffy ran to Willow hugging her.

"Oh God thank you I'm not crazy." Willow hugged her back and then pulled away as she left the room to get the books from the library.

Buffy smiled feeling hope for the first time but suddenly a pit grew in her stomach. Willow was her last hope and she had just let her out of her sight. She ran out the door and looked to the now empty hallway. Willow was gone and now she was truly alone.

"WILLOW. " She fell to her knees sobbing as it hit her. She was truly hopelessly alone. She laid there for what seemed like forever. She didn't know how she would move on. She didn't know if she wanted to. The cold cement floor pressing to her check collected her tears. She laid there with no intentions of moving.

Then real low a small noise could be heard in the distance. It sounded like chattering at first. Buffy stood up curious. She looked down the hall at the end and near the gym. She inched towards the noise as it became louder. It was the sound of people talking. She picked up her pace practically running hoping beyond hope it was the people she loved.

She turned the corner to find her sister talking to Hope.

Dawn smiled. "I know it's totally garbage for the mind but I can't help it. I love Project Runway."

Hope laughed, "I know what you mean reality tv is like junk food. Shouldn't have it but it's so good."

Buffy launched herself at Dawn hugging her. "Oh God you are back. I really thought I lost you"

Dawn turned around pushing Buffy away. "Get the hell away from me. Someone help."

Hope pulled Buffy back as the crowd suddenly turned attention to Dawn. "Hey back off lady."

Buffy looked at Dawn confused "What is going on?"

Giles, Xander and Willow pushed through the crowd to get to Buffy. She looked at there faces relieved they were all safe. "I was so worried about all of you. I thought I lost you. It was crazy."

Giles stepped to her. "I'm sorry but I don't believe I know you."

Buffy's face fell suddenly the dread hitting her again. "Giles it's me I'm Buffy."

Xander scoffed at her laughing. "You Buffy? I don't think so. See we already have a Buffy."

Willow nodded stepping to Buffy and looking her up and down. "No offense but you couldn't hold a candle to her."

Buffy shook her head "But I am Buffy I am swear to you."

"Then who the hell am I." The voice came from behind her. She slowly turned around to come fact to face with the mirror image of her own self.

Buffy stood there weak in the knees feeling like she was going to collapse. "It's you. You did all of this. You took all of them away from me."

She laughed at her. "You don't get her. All this time you thought they were out of place. One by one they went missing and you never made the connection."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"They weren't out of place. You are the one here who doesn't belong. I warned you I was coming back."

Buffy shook her head and stepped up. "I won't go that easy. I'll fight for what's mine."

She laughed at Buffy. "You'll fight? Me?" She shook her head "Okay slay girl bring it on." Buffy swung at her wildly and her twin grabbed her easily twisting her arm and pinning it behind her back. Her other arm she quickly used putting Buffy in a sleeper hold. She laughed "See Princes you are good. But you aren't even close to in my league." She let go of her and pushed her to the ground.

Buffy looked like she was going to cry. She stayed on her knees and looked up to Giles. "You have to help me I don't want to die. I have a right to exist."

Giles shook his head "My loyalty will always go to Buffy. The real Buffy."

Dawn yelled out angry. "You aren't my sister. You're an imposter."

Willow stepped up. "And you have worn out your welcome."

Buffy looked around for help from anyone. She saw Xander and searched his eyes for a trace of sympathy. "Please Xander I need you."

Xander squatted down so he could look her in the eyes. "You treated me like garbage from the beginning. I didn't have to earn my friendship with her. She accepted me and is my hero. If I could have her or you back I am going to pick her over you every time. I don't know you." He stood up and turned his back to her.

Buffy felt like she was losing everything she laid on the floor crying. She sobbed "I am real. I am real. I am real." Suddenly Buffy was shaken up out as the world she was in was ripped away from her. She opened her eyes to find Xander standing over her.

"Buffy wake up."

"Xander?"

"I was knocking and then I heard you yelling something in your sleep."

"Oh god." She grabbed him and hugged him sobbing.

Xander didn't know what it was she saw but he knew words wouldn't make it better. Instead he just wrapped his arms around her holding her. He rubbed her back in small circle and just whispered "It's okay Buffy. I promise it's okay." She stayed like that for probably 20 minutes.

Finally she looked at him. "Thanks Xander I had this terrifying nightmare."

He released his grip and pulled back a little. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Someday but not now. I don't think I'm ready yet."

She stood up and stretched. "Give me 20 minutes and I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

He stood up and did one last check on her as he left the room. He sat at the usual table in the cafeteria. Buffy showed up as scheduled and sat down at the table across from Xander. "Morning Buffy."

Buffy smiled feeling a sense of relief seeing all the slayers and her friends in the hallway and cafeteria, confirming she wasn't alone. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out back there."

"Hey Buff don't apologize. You have been through so much lately you need to know that you have a support system in place if you need it."

"My dream was so real. I can't ever remember being so scared."

"Was it a slayer dream I've heard those can be quite bad."

She shook her head "I don't think so. I just have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately. You know how if you think about something to much it can show up in your sleep time."

"Been there."

She closed her eyes. She wanted to tell Xander the truth. She was afraid that if she started remembering then the old Buffy would be back. She'd be gone and the Buffy they knew would be back. He didn't want to tell her because she was afraid he'd think her selfish. She was holding on to something that she didn't have a right to. She stirred her drink and looked in to the cup. There was one thing she learned from the dream. One thing she could fix right now.

"Xander when this first happened to me I wasn't nice."

"Buffy we are past that."

"Not yet. I was stupid. I hate that I didn't trust you. If I could fix that I would."

"Buffy it's okay. It was a hard time for you."

"I'm just afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Resentment." She stopped and stared into her drink and looked in his eyes. "I would understand if you did."

He reached across the table and looked in to her eyes. "Look at me. I am telling you and I mean this with everything I am. In this lifetime or the next or the 100 after that I am always going to be there for you. I give a rats ass about how we start cause how we end will always be side by side."


	16. Fragments of me 16

"Come on girls I won't have tardiness." The last girls filed in to the gym as Buffy barked the orders. Giles offered her a chance to teach a class on hand-to-hand combat. Buffy had jumped at the opportunity and welcomed the distraction.

Faith wandered in behind the last girl and Buffy came over to her whispering. "You can't be late. It sets for a bad example."

Faith laughed and shrugged "Come on B you have always been the good one and I'm the trouble maker."

Buffy rolled her eyes then walked to the center of a gym. "Okay pick a partner and today we are working on some of your more extreme fighting techniques. The enemy doesn't' play fair so maybe it's time you learn a few things Giles wouldn't be so willing to teach you."

Darlene shook her head. "Fighting dirty seems like we are sinking to their level. What about integrity and honor?"

Faith interrupted before Buffy could answer. "You get a 250 pound vampire on top of you and the only chance of escape is smashing his walnuts you'll throw that honor and integrity right out the window."

The first half hour Buffy and Faith re enacted various techniques. Some of the fighting positions were about escape and some of them were just cheap shots. Faith walked to the weapons chest picking up a dagger. She held it up for the class to see.

"Your enemy won't care if you are unarmed. Just cause you don't have a weapon doesn't mean they'll toss theirs down. Now Buffy is going to show you what it takes to disarm me." Faith smirked at Buffy. "At least she is going to try"

Buffy saw Faith standing there with the blade in her hand. Suddenly the room went away and her mind flashed to a rooftop. Faith held a knife in her hand. It was a different knife then she was holding in the gym. This knife had more detail and was much more decorative. She watched as Faith came at her and lunged at her with the knife. The look in Faith's eyes was one she didn't recognize. It was evil.

She watched herself fighting Faith. _"What's the matter Faith? All that killing and you are afraid to die?'_

Faith lunged at her with the knife. Buffy was unable to not only disarm her but take the knife from her. Faith sneered angry. _"That's mine."_

_ "You're about to get it back."_

Buffy's eyes widened she was back in the gym but saw Faith with the knife and instinct took over. She round house kicked the knife in her hand sending it to the floor. Then with out thought she tackled Faith to the floor. "I won't let you kill me."

"What the hell Buffy?"

Buffy started punching her and this sparring exercise went from a practice drill to all to real. Faith looked confused and tried fighting back but Buffy had the position of advantage on her. The girls could tell something was wrong and immediately came to Faith's side pulling Buffy off her. Rebeccca, Noxi and Jasmine held her arms with everything they had freeing Faith.l

Buffy just howled. "Let me go. She's going to kill me. She's going to kill all of" But she stopped. She saw she was back in the gym and knew that Faith wasn't a threat. Faith pulled herself up off the floor wiping the blood from her nose.

"Buffy what is wrong with you?"

Buffy fought the tears and shook her head. "I'm sorry Faith I don't know what."

Faith looked at the girls. "Let her go." They released their grip. "It's okay B." Buffy took off running out of the gym as fast as her legs would carry her." Faith ran after her but she was too fast.

Buffy wanted to be aloneso she ran down the stairs and to the basement. As she turned a dark corner another image flooded her mind. She was in the master's lair. In the memory Buffy was filled with fear and absolute certainty that she would die.

As the memory filled her mind she felt every drop of that fear. The violent image flashed and physically jolted her body back. She fell to her knees and just cradled her body. She watched as the Master grabbed her in deaths embrace and drank from her. Then the cold release of death as she drown in the water. Buffy sat against the cold basement wall crying.

From the shadows of the school Spike stepped in to the hallway. He could hear Buffy sobbing and inched slowly towards her. "Buffy?"

She looked up as twin tears trailed down her eyes. "I died. I really died."

"I thought you knew that. Someone would have told you that by n" And suddenly he realized. "You are seeing it."

"I don't want the memory Spike. I can't escape them I close my eyes and they are there."

"Oh God Buffy I." He knelt down at eye level. "They can't hurt you. They are just memories. More then that Buffy you conquered death and the Master you stood strong"

"Spike I" She closed her eyes. "Please don't talk I just need someone here. Do you think you could just sit here for a while?"

He didn't say anything else and just slid down against the wall next to Buffy. He sat on the floor. Buffy's breath slowed and her heart rate eventually turned back to normal. She sat there for almost an hour Spike by her side not saying anything.

Finally in a weak voice she said "I don't think I am strong enough for this."

"Don't say that. I know how strong you are."

"No you don't. You know how strong she was. I am not here and she is laughing at me right now. She's laughing cause I'm weak."

"You are the strongest woman I've ever met and I know what you have inside of you."

"That's just it Spike. There is what she would do and what I would do and I think they are two different things"

"What would she do?'

"She's strong Spike and she didn't need to lean on her friends or talk about her problems. She forced them down and she sat on them and put on a happy face. She was strong that way."

"And you feel like the right way for you to deal with it is?"

"I need help I know that. I can't stand on my own. I can't be that person who deals with this all by myself."

Spike closed his eyes. "When this first happened to you Buffy. When you lost your memories and forgot everything I wanted you to find the quickest way back to the old you. I didn't know what it would take but all I wanted back was the girl I knew."

"At least you are honest."

"That's just it though. Maybe this new path you are taking is about learning from her strengths but not losing what makes you strong."

"You think I am strong?"

"I think you could learn a lot from her but she could take some lessons from you."

Buffy pulled herself up against the wall. "I think if I want to be stronger I need to." She cleared her throat. "I need to understand her. "

"How do you do that?"

She didn't answer instead she just turned looking at Spike. "Spike I owe you a thank you. I haven't been the nicest to you so it means a lot that."

"Buffy I like you letting me in. If there is anything else I can do."

"Not right now Spike. I need to take care of something."

"What?"

Buffy found herself in front of Faith's room knocking on the door. From the other hide she heard the rogue slayer. "It's open."

Buffy stepped inside and looked at her. "Hey."

"Hey Buffy. Are you done whigging out?"

"About that. I am sorry."

"Not needed. We have both taken our share of ass kicking one on one. That one probably won't be our last."

"All the same what I did was out of line."

"Can I ask what brought it on?"

Buffy stepped in to the room nervously ringing her hands together. "This is going to sound insane but I think. I was seeing something from the past. It was a rooftop and a there was a knife and then when I saw you in the gym."

Faith closed her eyes and remembered. "That was back when I was working with the Mayor." She laughed a little angry and bitter. "I can't escape my past. I try to do good and bam it comes right back."

"Faith I have no blame from the past for you. We have all made mistakes and"

"Wait a minute, I can't believe I skipped over the biggest fact. You are remembering now?" Buffy sat on the edge of bed nervous. She just nodded. "This is huge B"

"It's scary Faith. It's terrifying. I am remembering things. Things absolute nightmares are made of."

"Things like me trying to kill you?"

"I saw the Master killing me. I saw myself die. I felt him draining my blood and then the cold water and finally letting go and"

Faith shook her head. "Oh God Buffy I."

"I know this isn't something she would do but I don't know what else to say. Faith I think I need help."


	17. Fragments of me 17

Buffy was sitting on the tailgate of the truck waiting for the girls to check in from patrol. The truck was the latest acquisition of the school. Its former owner was a vampire who they dusted. A little paperwork and some simple hacking had the title now firmly in the hands of one Willow Rosenberg.

The night had so far proved uneventful. The girls were quickly growing bored and the meanest thing any of them found wandering the graveyard was a cat who was looking for a little affection.

Buffy grew bored and turned to her duffle bag for some entertainment. Recently Dawn was able to locate a few of her more recent diaries. While she found a lot of the

stuff silly and trivial it gave her insight in to a lot of who she was. She opened the book to where she quit reading.

_April 14__th__ 2003_

_All intelligence points to a major confrontation going down at the vineyard. I don't know what is there but what ever it is The First is trying to keep us away. I don't know if the girls are ready. They seem so young, so inexperienced, but this is my army. I have to lead them for good or bad. Lately I feel the hard exterior I have to wear to show everyone how strong I am is making me colder and more distant. Is that that the sacrifice I have to make. I grow strong but cold and unemotional. Maybe that is why I can connect with Spike. Maybe I am only able to connect with the dead. I feel like I am losing everything. Willow is bringing Fatih back. I know there is strength in numbers but I wonder if her being here will be to much of a distraction. Can she be a team player? Can she fall in line? Can she take orders? I miss the old days? Can I ever get those back? Xander is yelling at one of the girls again for messing with the bathroom door while he's taking a shower. I better go make peace._

"Whatcha reading?" Buffy quickly whipped around to find Spike standing behind her.

"Sarah Lee what the hell are you doing out of place."

"My God enough with the codes. Seriously I am not Sarah Lee Angel is not Betty Crocker."

"You aren't answering why are you out of place."

Spike moved next to her sitting on the edge of the bumper. "It's quiet out there Buffy. Not a vampire or big nasty to be found anywhere."

Buffy sighed knowing he was right. "Yeah I was just about to call them in."

Spike looked at the diary in her hand. "What are you reading?"

"Oh it's just the Buffy Summers story."

"Anything about me in there?"

"Just being able to connect so well with you." She shook her head not understanding. "What exactly does connect mean?"

Spike smirked and looked at her. "What is the date?"

"April 13th 2003. Something about a vineyard and getting ready to attack and a whole lot of drama."

He laughed, "Well during that time frame the only connecting we ever did was emotional." Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't sound so relieved."

She shook her head. "It's not personal Spike." She held up the diary "I don't feel like I know the girl in this book."

Spike made a face "I'm going to give you some advice as a friend Buffy. We are friends right?"

"I'd say we are getting there."

"Skip ahead of all this first nonsense. You know most of what went on at the Hellmouth. Don't put yourself through that pain of having to relive it."

Just then Noxi and Jasmine showed up from the clearing. Jasmine stepped to Buffy.

"Can we call it a night?" Noxi chimed in agreeing with Jasmine.

"Buffy this place is dead. I mean the boring type dead not the unholy walking type dead."

Buffy stood up and sighed. "Yeah I guess you guys are right." She picked up the radio calling all of the girls in.

Back at the school Xander was sitting across from Dawn playing checkers. Xander smiled picking up the piece and jumped one of Dawns piece. "That's how we do it."

Dawn smiled and picked up her checker and managed a triple jump ending it on the last row. "That would be King me."

Xander shook his head sighing. "Just one more Summers woman beating me down." With that he pushed the game aside knowing it was all done for him.

"So what I am wondering is why you are here with me playing checkers when you have a major league hottie scoping you out?"

"Huh?"

"Hope is in to you and your kind of blowing it."

"What? You are insane. Hope is well out of my league."

"Oh she is WAY out of your league." She laughed poking him. "But for some reason she's in to you."

"You think so?"

"You are so oblivious. You can't read signs to save your life."

"Signs what signs?"

"Didn't she spend most of yesterday playing video games in your room?'

"Well yeah but that was because the new call of Duty came out. She's an avid gamer just like me."

"Aren't you going to a 3 Stooges movie Marathon with her."

"She likes the Stooges. Frankly I find it strange that you don't."

Dawn shook her head. "Xander girls tell guys that they like the same things because it's a way to spend time with them."

"So you are saying she's lying to me."

"Yes but it's a good lie. All girls do it."

The wheels started turning in Xander's head as what Dawn was saying was sinking in. "Wow someone is in to me."

"So what are you going to do with your info?"

He shrugged his shoulder. "Probably nothing. I mean Hope is awesome and hot but."

"But nothing Xander. Most guys don't need more then that."

"Dawn its still too soon since Anya I don't think I'm ready."

"Xander you are in this place where you have waited long enough. I don't think Anya would want you to live your life as a single eunuch."

"Hello. Did you ever meet Anya? Pretty sure she would love me to spend my life single and in tribute to her."

Dawn opened her mouth to object but paused for a second. "Okay maybe you are a little right. But on a deeper level I know she would want you happy."

Xander signed and looked down "Dawn I've been out of the game for so long I don't even think I remember how to date. I'll end up putting chocolates in a vase and feeding her flowers."

"I know it's scary Xander but." She paused again and thought. "Wait a minute compared to your usual Tuesday night this is nothing."

"Well I don't know about nothing."

"Half Breed robot and demon made by the government, Hell Gods trying to shred inter dimensional barriers, the manifestation of the original and all things evil in the Universe, these are things that you should fear. You have faced those and lived so dating again should be nothing."

"Any one ever tell you that you can be a little mean and demanding."

"Squirt some tears Harris now get on your big boy panties, man up and ask the girl out."

"And on that note I'm cutting you off of Red Bull but I promise you I'll think about what you said."

"Man up Xander." He laughed walked away walking to his bedroom. He couldn't help but laugh as he walked. Dawn could be painfully blunt to him in a way that no one else could.

He walked down the hallway and turned the corner to his room to find Buffy sitting in front of his door with her diary in her lap. Xander smiled at her "Hey Buffalamadingdong what brings you to my doorstep."

She looked up at him as if she was seeing through him. She cleared her throat then quietly opened the book. She looked at the words on the page and read them to him.

_April 16__th__ 2003 Xander comes home from the hospital today. The damage Caleb has done to his eye is irreversible. The damage done to his spirit is maybe beyond repair. It's hard to be alone with him. People have died because of the choices I have made, Xander hates me and I can't blame him. He won't say it but I don't need him to. He won't look at me." _

"Buffy you need to listen to me."

"No you need to listen Xander I am not done."

_May 13__th__ 2013_

"_I feel like things are starting to turn around. I still don't know if I have regained the trust of the group. I am still not sure if I am fit to lead but with what is coming now is not the time to be divided. I've decided I am sending Xander away. He can get Dawn out of here and safe. It will be easier to fight if I know Dawn is safe. I'm sending her with Xander cause for the first time since I've known him I feel like I don't know who he is. How do I go on knowing he blames me for his eye. The night I was sent away from my own home nothing cut more then what Xander lectured me on the priced that was paid. The look he gave me when he said he was trying to see my point but it must be a bit to my left. In one single statement he has showed that he doesn't' believe in me anymore. How can I face him from here out? He blames me. So I'll send him away. Send him and Dawn away. I can't afford the distraction he brings right now and if he wants to hate me then he can do it just as well some where at a safe distance."_

Xander had heard enough. He shook his head. "That's enough Buffy,"

She jumped to her feet and got in his face. "You kept this from me. You held it from me because you blame me."

Xander looked at the diary in her hand and shook his head. "Buffy that's not fair. You are getting a one sided judgment from a voice from the past. A judgmental voice that never asked my opinion."

"On some level you still blame me or you wouldn't have kept this from me. Well to hell with that and to hell with you. If you can keep something as important as this from me I can't know what else you are keeping from me."

"I'm not letting you walk away Buffy. Not this time. We aren't doing this again." He stood in front of her blocking her path.

"You don't have a choice" She walked around him angry.

Xander stood there watching her walk. He yelled at her angry. "Wow what a surprise times get tough and you cut me out. You walk away. This is your favorite song and dance. Times get tough and Buffy Summers runs away rather stay and deal with it."

She ignored his words and kept walking. She stormed down the hallway and practically slammed in to Angel. "Whoa slow down Buffy."

"Angel don't. I am not in the mood"

"Buffy what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it Buffy. What I want "  
"Want?"

"I want a drink."

"Come one lets get out of here I'll buy."

Buffy looked reluctant at first then sighed "What the hell. Let's go"


	18. Fragments of me 18

Just before 2pm Buffy made her way to the cafeteria. She was hung over from a night of drinking with Angel and needed some water. Buffy's hair was a mess and she wore black sunglasses. She opened the fridge and grabbed bottled water. She looked around the cafeteria and found Willow at a table.

She slowly made her way over. "Hey Will."

"Wow you look."

Buffy reached in to her pocket pulling out a bottle of Advil. "Yeah I know. I am a walking anti drinking campaign." She put the bottle to her mouth and twisted the lid trying to open it.

Willow laughed, "So is there any booze left in Cleveland at all or did you drink it all?"

As the lid came off of the bottle Buffy put it to her mouth taking 4 of the Advil down and then took a drink of the water. She sighed and put it down. "You know I should be pissed at you too."

"What did I do?"

"You knew everything Will and you kept it from me."

"Buffy you got to understand."

Buffy put her hands up in surrender position. "Relax I don't hold you responsible. The truth is if I blamed everyone who knew I would have to be pissed at the whole school. So right now I only have the luxury of being pissed at Xander. I was going to be pissed at Spike."

"Why Spike?"

"He died closing the hell mouth and didn't tell me that was yet another one of my stellar battle plans. He kept that from me."

"But you said you aren't pissed at him"

"I can't really be pissed at Spike. It's not fair. He didn't have a chance to tell me for the most part. It's not like we were having regular conversations."

"So it's just Xander who is incurring your wrath? How is that going to work with you guys kind of working together on the same squad,"

"Faith is taking over for now It's good actually I want some time off from slaying, I need to figure things out." She looked down at the table. "I just can't trust him. If he would keep something so important from me what else is he keeping from me."

Willow shook her head. "Buffy he was trying to protect you."

"What else was he keeping?" She stood up biting her lip. "What I need is to get my hands on some of more of my diaries. You don't know where they are."

"Storage would be my bet. " She stood up ready to leave. "I am going to give you one piece of advice."

"What's that?"

"You. Well that is to say the old you. You've done this before. You pushed him away because you kind of couldn't deal. Xander is a good friend and probably more loyal to you then anyone else. He waited for you hoping you would come around."

"What are you saying?"

"You keep pushing him away loyal or not that can only carry you so far. Some day you push him far enough away he might not come back."

Buffy turned around walking away grumbling. "Of course she is going to side with Xander."

Xander was in the gym dribbling a basketball taking his shot missing. Hope laughed and pointed.

"Ha that is R. That means you have H O R."

"Yeah yeah yeah I get it. If you think getting my butt kicked by a girl is emasculating you forget that I live with super powered teenage girls." He checked the ball to her.

Hope dribbled the ball looking at the hoop. "To be fair I was a starter on my high school team."

"I was on the school swim team. Well I was until it turned out the coach was trying to turn all of us in to genetically modified fish people to help the school win the state championship."

"Oh that old story." Hope laughed and shot the ball at the hoop swishing a perfect 3-point shot.

Xander put his hands up catching the ball. "Didn't have a lot of time for extra curricular activities cause of you know the whole hell mouth and working as sideman to the slayer." He walked to the 3 point line and took his shot making the shot. "And Harris with the swish."

Hope grabbed the ball laughing. "I don't want to pry but it's hard to keep secrets in this place and pretty much everyone knows about the fight you and Buffy had. Do you want to talk about it?"

"There is not a lot to talk about. Buffy does this game all of the time. A problem comes up and she pushes away. It is how she deals."

Hope stepped to the free throw line and dribbled the ball. She took the shot and made it easily. "So what are you going to do?"

Xander grabbed the ball going to the free throw line. He dribbled and looked at the hoop. "I don't know Last time this happened I gave her space hoping she would come around,"

"How did that work?"

"It didn't." He took the shot and the ball bounced off the backboard and the outside rim of the hoop then fell to the floor.

"BRICK."

He shook his head "I guess that would be S."

Hope took the ball and walked to the free throw line again. She turned around backwards. "This is my trick shot."

Xander raised an eyebrow. "You sure you aren't using any of your witch fu to kick my butt."

She closed her eyes and tossed the ball behind making a perfect shot. She spun around just in time to see it go in. "Oh no baby. This is all me."

Xander walked to the basket picking up the ball. "So is there anything you aren't good at?"

"Still can't wrap my brain around sodoku. I mean when did we become such a nerdy nation that we are doing math for fun."

He just shook his head and did his best to attempt the backwards shot but missed terribly. "Wow that was bad."

Hope jumped in place starting to do her own little victory dance. "Oh yeah baby feel the burn." She started dancing in place throwing in the cabbage patch and the running man.

"Wow you do realize that new dance moves have come out since 1993."

She straightened herself up and walked to him. "Hey I say if it worked then it works now."

Xander bent down picking up the ball again. "Another round?"

She looked at the clock. "As fun as kicking your butt again would be I can't. I have to speak with a mother witch in Siberia."

"Are you teleporting there?"

She laughed shaking her head. "More like teleconferencing. Age of technology and all. One click and you can talk with anyone in the world."

Buffy slowly made her way to the basement rooting around in the storage unit. Angel stood in the doorway standing behind her. "Looking for something?"

Buffy stopped for a second looked to Angel then went back to rooting through the boxes. "Just looking for some more of my journals."

"You want any help?"

She sighed and shrugged "Pick a box."

Angel made his way in to the room looking around. "So you drank a lot last night."

"That's not me, at least not the new me. I don't know if I drank a lot in the past."

"I had fun last night, even if you don't remember most of it." Angel opened a box but found some comic books. They were covered in Andrews scent so he put the box down.

Buffy stopped for a second and leaned against the wall. "Well I." She fought the smile. "I might see the appeal that you once had to me."

Angel smirked a little, "Wow we are making great strides."

"Don't get me wrong I'm not all gaga eyes like she was but I will say you are fun to be around."

"Well that is a good place to start. Which makes this next thing even harder."

"What's wrong?'

"It's just we are starting to reconnect and."

"And…?"

"I have to go for a few weeks."

"Go. Where are you going?'

"A source of mine based in Miami has some info on something that could be coming. I'm hoping that it's just a rumor but I can't chance it?"

"What's wrong? Do you need help?"

"I don't have enough yet to confirm or deny anything. It would irresponsible to say anything until I know one way or the other. As for help I have to go alone. This source is close to the powers that be and I'm the only one he'll deal with. I take anyone else he won't tell me anything."

"Well be careful. Not just demon related Miami is all about sun and fun and no SPF is going to save your butt."

"I'll keep that in mind." Angel pointed to the corner. "Buffy I'm not sure if its there but I can tell you that I'm picking up your scent on a couple boxes in the right hand corner."

Buffy crossed the room. "Thanks Angel." She crosses the room to the boxes. "When are you leaving?"

"I just packed up my bags and I'm on my way out the door at sundown."

"Be safe." Buffy opened the boxes and found the diaries she was looking for. "Perfect."

"I'll see you in a few weeks Buffy."

Buffy grabbed the box and crossed the room to him. She put the box down and gave him a hug. "See you soon."

He hugged her back and then let her go. "Buffy."

"Yeah."

"Don't go falling in love with Spike again while I am gone."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "At this rate I'm more likely to fall in love with Andrew."

Across the school Willow walked in to Giles office to find Giles on the phone. Willow remained quiet but sat across the desk waiting. Giles nodded at her and put up a finger telling her just a second.

"Yes I will bring this to the others and get back to you as soon as I am able. I will stay in touch." He hung up the phone and one second later looked at Willow. "Thank you for showing up so quickly."

"What's wrong Giles?"

"Nothing is wrong." He stood up ringing his hands together. "I was just on the phone with Beck Travers."

"Beck Travers?"

"He's Quentin Travers son."

"The old Council?"

"Not really. He was trained as a watcher with them but abandoned them years ago."

"What does he want with us?"

"He had inquired with me about finding a place here."

"We aren't letting him are we?"

Giles paced biting his lip. "We may not have a choice."


	19. Fragments of me 19

She sat on the swing feeling on the breeze on her face. She knew none of it was real. The fact she was back in Sunnydale in her backyard was the first clue. She was spending more and more time these days in her memories. It wasn't really her choice.

"I'm not here to fight."

Buffy didn't have to turn around to know who it was. The familiar voice could only be her. She turned looking at her doppelganger. "Why are you here?"

She sighed and pushed her on the swing gently. "I wanted to tell you I was watching."

"Watching?"

"The confrontation with Xander. I know it couldn't have been easy."

She looked off at the skyline shaking her head. "It wasn't and I don't know if I made the right choice. What would you have done?"

"You made the only choice there was to make." She stopped pushing the swing and stepped in front of her. She squatted down so she could look her in the eyes. "We use our strength and part of that is emotional strength. When I was faced with this I couldn't talk to him about this so I decided the best way. The only way was to clear him out of my life."

"Didn't that hurt?"

"Hurt like hell. It sucks having someone in your life that you can count on and then bam it's done. Even if it's done by your choice."

"Is that why you were alone in the graveyard the night you were gassed."

"I was alone because that's who the slayer really is. We walk alone and it doesn't matter if it's one slayer or one million we are always on our own."

She closed her eyes but nodded. "Probably right."

"There is something else."

"What?"

"It's going to be getting harder. As more of the memories come back you are going to need to be strong."

"Hey I'm the slayer. I'm all about the strength."

She reached up touching her face. "I hope you are right."

She stood up off the swing and looked at her. "So does this mean we are no longer enemies."

"It means that I'm not the bad guy and the attack approach serves no one. We will figure this out together."

With that Buffy opened her eyes and stopped her meditation. She stood up and looked at the clock. Giles had called an emergency meeting. He wouldn't tell anyone what it was about but vital that she be there.

She was one of the last ones to arrive in the library. Faith and Willow were already there. Xander came from the back of the stacks as Buffy walked in he looked at her. "Buffy."

She walked past him saying nothing. Faith laughed "Did it just get cold in here."

Buffy looked at Faith. "Do you know what this is about?"

She shook her head. "No clue."

Xander flipped a chair around straddling it. "Has to be important if we all are here."

Just then Giles came in to the library a man in jeans and a simple red button up shirt stood behind him. None of them recognized the man. He had a bit of a Ryan Reynolds look to him. They noticed Giles but the question mark in the room was who was the stranger with him.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice. I've called you all here because I received a call last week. A call from the man standing behind me. I've talked to him and met with him and I believe he could be of some use to us."

Xander looked past Giles and to the man. "And he is."

The man stepped up front. "My name is Beck." He cleared his throat "Beck Travers."

Faith looked at him a little angry "As in Quentin Travers."

Beck nodded. "He was my father."

Xander stood up looking at Giles. "What the hell man. You brought him here. After all he has done after all he's."

Giles put his hands up in defense. "I felt it was fair to give him a chance to talk. You can listen to what he has to say."

Buffy looked confused. "Who is Quentin Travers?"

Faith pounded her fist on the table. "He's the son of a bitch who tried to kill me."

Xander gritted his teeth. "He put you through insane tests that not only put you at risks but your mother."

Beck nodded and cleared his throat. "All you have said about my father is true. He did horrible things and I don't expect any of you to ever forgive him. Until the council was blown up. In one fatal swoop." He looked at Giles "You are going to think awful of me but when I heard my father was gone what I ultimately felt was relief." He shook his head. "My father was cruel and distant and I never knew him as a father. I knew him as the head of the watcher council."

He took a deep breath. "So when the council blew up and I had a chance at freedom. I mean real freedom. I didn't need to be told twice. I spent the first 3 years doing what I wanted. I was no longer bound to this old world code that said I had to be a watcher or a council head or anything."

Xander looked at him. "But you still aren't telling us why you are here."

Beck just nodded "I will get there I promise." He stood up and walked to Buffy. "I know what the name Travers means not just to you but to a lot of the Slayers out there. They know the stories and my family name is disgraced. Rightfully so I will say. Everything they speak of my father is fair He earned all of it. But I didn't earn that name. I realized I could start new. I could have another name. I might be able to call myself Smith or Mitchell or something but" He shook his head "That's not who I am. I want my family name to redeemed and I realized that redemption has to start somewhere. If I want Travers to ever mean anything other then"

Giles stayed in his desk. "Your father ran things his way. He was stubborn and refused any ways that weren't his own."

Beck looked to Giles "My father gave me one thing in my entire life. This heritage he wanted me to have. I spent years training and studying to be a watcher."

Xander crossed his arms now. "But you walked away from that."

"Beck nodded "I did. But I am still trained in it and what I want is a chance to redeem my family name. I want to work with you, with all of you."

Xander stood up ready to leave "I've heard enough."

Beck stood up "Please just let me finish. I can be an asset. My father had an amazing collection of ancient texts I can offer."

Giles looked at Xander "Listen to the man."

"No I won't. Do I have to remind all of you the nightmare his father was? He threatened to have you deported Giles. He stripped Buffy of her powers and locked her up with a vampire that he had starved."

Buffy shook her head. "Xander I don't think it's fair for you to judge a man based on his fathers actions."

"My father gave me one thing in his entire life. He wanted me to follow so badly in his footsteps he had me trained as a watcher."

Faith interrupted this time. "You said you didn't want any of this shit though. You said you were happy to get away from all of this"

"I was happy to be able to have a choice. I spent my time living my life. Everything I found though was empty. I wanted a chance to give back and the one thing that I was truly good at was being a watcher. I had years of training and I feel I could be a real asset to all of you."

Willow looked at him and cleared her throat. "You have to understand Mister Beck we aren't the council. They had run things their way and now we run our things our way."

He nodded stepping to her. "And to be honest it is amazing. I've seen what you have done. My father would hate all of this but I say who cares. You guys have carved out your own way and from what I can see it's 100 times better. This isn't just about what I can give to you. I see what you guys have done and I ask please teach me."

Willow cleared her throat. "And if we say no?"

Beck made his way to the table. He sat down across from Willow. "I know you found the councils funds and you have done amazing things with the councils money?"

Xander suddenly was nervous. Willow had hacked in to the council and helped herself to the funds they needed. He looked at Beck. "If you are thinking of blackmailing us I promise you that you 'll regret it."

Beck shook his head putting his hands up in surrender. "That came out wrong. I mean I know you found some of the funds but." He reached into his duffle bag and dropped a massive file in front of her. "All offshore accounts held by there legal and not so legal means. There is enough money to take care of this place for a long time."

Willow looked at the file wide eyed. "And you are just handing over this money to me?"

"From what I can see you all are the most deserving and the truth is you could do a lot of good things with it."

Xander stood crossing his arms. "You still didn't answer. If we don't let you in?"

Beck shrugged. "Then I say thank you for your time and thank you for hearing me out. All I asked was that you hear me out and give a real chance to make my argument. You did that so again I say thank you."

Giles stepped forward and took off his glasses wiping them. "If this was Quentin Travers council he would make the choice on his own and that would be that. But all of you have a stake in this place. All of you have an equal share and an equal voice. We will vote with in the room and that will be that."

Faith stood up shaking her head. "I'm sure you're a nice guy but I say no. I don't trust you."

Xander stood next to Faith shoulder to shoulder. "I'm with her."

Willow was the next one up. "I didn't like what your father did but it seems unfair to judge you based on something you've never done so I guess I vote yes."

Buffy looked at Giles then at Beck. "I don't know you and I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right but I think your intentions are good so I guess I vote yes."

Giles sighed shaking his head "I was hoping the tie break wouldn't land on me but it does so." He looked at Beck. "I will bring you on here in a probationary period. If at the end of that period you have proven yourself a full time position will be offered you."

Xander stood up pissed "This is bullshit. You are going to regret this." With that he stormed out of the room pissed.

Beck sighed "Thank you all of you. "

Buffy sighed "Don't thank us just don't make us regret the choice we just made."

Beck smiled at her. "I will do my best."

Faith had followed out of the room and followed him to the old playground. She saw him leaning against the rusted outswing frame. She slowly approached him. "Careful. I feel like I need a tetanus shot just looking at that thing."

He sighed looking at the crappy piece of playground equipment. "How the hell could they do that?"

"I don't know."

He shook his head and looked down at the pavement. "You know I didn't think my week could get any worse and then."

"Things are still bad between you and Buffy."

"She won't talk to me. She won't see me. She just gives me the cold shoulder."

"What are you going to do?"

"Actually I kind of was hoping you would help me."

"What do you have in mind?'


	20. Fragments of me 20

Buffy sauntered down the hallway having just finished sparring with Roxanne one of the newer slayer recruits. It was a good work out but Buffy she was still green and inexperienced.

As she rounded the corner she spotted Andrew carrying a laundry basket filled with mostly black clothes. "Hey Andrew."

Andrew flashed a nervous smile but took a step back. "Hello Buffy."

"Laundry day?"

"Actually these are Spikes."

"What are you doing with Spike's laundry."

"Oh I was and fold them for him. His jacket is at the cleaner I'm picking that up later."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Give those to me."

"But." She yanked the basket out of his hands and grabbed it head down towards the boiler room. She didn't knock instead she invited her in.

Spike quickly grabbed the remote not wanting Buffy to see he was watching soap operas. "Hey Buffy."

Buffy dropped the laundry basket at his feet. "Andrew is not your personal slave using him to do your laundry or pick up your dry cleaning is not an options anymore."

"First off I didn't ask Andrew to do anything. The little whelp does it with out asking."

"And I'm sure you do everything in your power to discourage it."

"Okay fine I will talk to him. To be honest it's getting a little creepy?"

"Creepy?"

"Caught him the other day doing an oil painting of me in some not so natural poses."

"Yikes."

"Tell me about it." Buffy turned her back ready to walk away. "Wait don't go."

She looked at him. "I'm not going to stay in here and watch cheesy soap operas with you."

"Of course not It was just on and I fell asleep." He shook his head "Anyways I know you and Angel tore up the town last week."

Buffy sighed and leaned against the dresser drawer. "I see it now. He's not what I first thought he was. I might have misjudged him."

"Just him?"

"What are you getting at?"

"I was kind of hoping you would give me a chance. A chance to show you I'm not the monster that Xander has made me out to be."

Buffy shook her head "Look I'm not his biggest fan right now but Xander never said any thing one way or the other about you or Angel."

"Fine sorry maybe it was out of line still though I want you to give me a chance?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Well that would ruin the surprise now wouldn't it. Just give me one night. If you don't have fun I will stop bothering you about it."

She shook her head "I can't tonight. Dawn and I already made plans but maybe Thursday."

"Deal."

"I got to go Spike. Faith and I are teaching some hand to hand combat courses and I can't be late." With that she skipped out and ran to her room.

Buffy was pretty tired after all it was her second sparring session of the day but she was still better then any of the new girls. They worked them for an hour till the girls were exhausted. Buffy laid on her back having missed a leg sweep. She just laid there staring at the lights on the ceiling. One of the bulbs had been burnt out. She groaned laying there and shook her head having had enough. "Okay I think we are done."

Jamie offered her hand to Buffy pulling her up off the floor. Buffy grabbed the whistle from under her shirt and blew in it. She ran to the front of the gym.

"Okay girls you did good today. Get showered up and get some rest."

Faith stood to the side handing them off a towel as they patted their forehead. Most of the girls had bottled water on them and rehydrated. As they left the gym they dropped the towels and empty bottles on the floor.

Faith shook her head "God slayers are pigs."

"I know you think it would kill them to clean up after themselves. "

Faith sighed. "I'll throw trash away you pick up the towels and get em started in the laundry room."

"Why do I get laundry?"

"Cause I called it." Buffy sighed and started picking up the towels off the floor. She turned off the lights and started down the hall. The laundry room was next to the girls locker room. Since there was no one in there she loaded the towels in the machine and grabbed the soap. She heard the door open behind her and spun around.

Xander sighed "Buffy we need to talk."

Buffy shook her head "I have nothing to say to you."

"Well that is too bad cause I have something to say to you."

"I'm not listening." She pushed past him only to hear a chain rattling through the handles on the double doors. Faith wrapped the chain through and then put a simple paddle lock on the chain locking the door shut. Buffy pushed the door but finding it wouldn't budge. "Who the hell is out there?"

"Sorry B. I owe Xander 20 bucks and now he says we are clear."

Buffy shook the doors but it just made the chains rattle. "Faith this isn't funny. Let me out." The footsteps walking away down the hallway was all the answer she needed. She wasn't getting out.

Xander stepped closer. "If you are done, Can we talk now?"

"Save your breath I may be locked in here but I don't have to listen." With that she turned the dial on the washing machine making the room suddenly inaudible." Xander rolled his eyes and pulled the cord.

"Real mature."

"Says the guy who locked me in here."

"You know I have been thinking about this whole thing. You are acting mad at me because you think I lied to you."

"You did lie to me."

"No I didn't. I didn't tell you all of the facts and I had a reason. I was trying to protect you."

"Yeah well I don't need protection."

"Back to my point. You are acting mad because you can use that to mask what you are really feeling?"

"So you are a shrink now?"

"You tell me that you feel angry but what you really feel is responsible."

"I'm not responsible for your eye Xander."

"Of course you aren't. I know that but you don't. I mean you say the words but you really don't really believe it."

She spun around angry and in his face "GET ME OUT OF HERE."

"Buffy I knew what I was doing? Every time I have followed you in to battle I have known there are risks. Those are my risks to take and this." He pointed to the eye patch "Is not your fault."

"Really cause I remember a certain entry in a diary that said"

"Stop it Buffy. Do you know why that diary entry was there? Because the first time it happened you refused to come to me and talk to me. You refused to deal."

"What would you have said that would make anything different?"

"I would have told you 7 years doesn't throw away 1 night. Hell 1 statement."

"You still said it."

"Our emotions were running high that night Buffy. If I could do things over again I would change things. I don't blame you for what happened with my eye."

Angry she turned her back on him and him staring at the cold cement wall. "Well you should."

"Buffy don't."

"I drew up the plans. It was me who sent you charging in to battle it was me who put you in that hospital."

Xander stepped behind her and slowly slid his hand to her shoulder. "Buffy the road you are going down has two paths. You can take one that leads you down the road of self-loathing and guilt but the problem is once you started down that road you can't come back. The other road is we face this. We talk it out and then we put away. I lived the alternative Buffy. It doesn't work for me?"

"Alternative?"

Xander pulled himself up sitting on the washing machine. "You are my best friend Buffy. Then after the accident you started avoiding me. At first it was I couldn't go out on patrols with you cause I'm teaching new girls. Then it became free time. Sorry Xander I don't think we can go to the movie tonight or sorry Xander we can't hang out tonight."

"You think it's easy cutting someone out of your life. It's an ugly mess but she didn't see any other way."

"There is a way. Buffy Summers could face the biggest worst demons or monsters the world ever produced easily but ask her to talk out her problems and she runs like a little girl."

"That's not fair."

"But that is where you are different. Buffy you've learned so much in the last few months. In so many ways you are just like her but in some ways you are different. You don't have to run. You are stronger then that."

"What if?" She turned to look at him. "I know you say you don't blame me but?"

"Anya Jenkins."

"What?"

He jumped down off the washer and walked to her. "She was my girlfriend and then my fiancé and then my friend." He paced back and fourth. "She died in the final battle of the Sunnydale Hellmouth. We travelled for a long time in the back of the bus after that. You know how much it sucks to have so much time on your hands when you have those kind of thoughts in your head."

"You blamed yourself?"

"I kept having these conversations in my head. Maybe I could have sent her away. I could have protected her instead of Andrew. I felt like I failed her." He shook his head "I started doing the math. If I had been there to protect her that would have left Dawn with Andrew and she'd be gone. Instead of choosing to do the backstroke in the giant swimming pool of guilt I realized I wanted to be happy for her. She died a hero and gave everything defending the world. So now when I think of her I feel pride not guilt."

Buffy sighed and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Look at me tell me that you don't hate me. That some where in the pit of your stomach behind all of your jokes and laughter you really are okay."

He stepped to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Buffy I could never resent you or hate you or feel anything but happy that I have someone like you in my life."

Buffy grabbed Xander in a hug. A tear rolled down her check. "I'm sorry for being so stubborn."

"It's okay. I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

She just held him in the hug enjoying the closeness. She kept her eyes closed holding him. "Xander?"

"Yeah Buff."

"You did tell Faith to unlock the door in a little while. Right?"

An uncomfortable laugh escaped Xander's lips "Ooops"


	21. Fragments of me 21

Xander and Buffy lifted the sheets of dry wall in place as Hope picked up the screw gun sinking the screws in place. Hope smiled as the last screw sunk. "God can you imagine how the Amish did this. I mean going old school with hand tools."

Xander smiled stepping back to look at the work they had done. "Thank God for automation."

Buffy smiled at Hope. "Hope you are incredible. I mean you are just as good at this stuff as Xander."

She smiled putting the screw gun down and shook her head. "I don't know about that."

Xander looked to her. "Don't be modest Hope. You have a real talent for this stuff."

She smiled at him. "Thanks that means a lot coming from you." She started picking tools up. "So with all of the sheets up we can start mudding and taping tomorrow."

Xander joined her picking up the tools. "Sounds good to me."

Buffy started tossing away the scraps. "So is this going to be a another bedroom?"

Xander shook his head "I was actually thinking of making a few vamp friendly rooms. That way Angel and Spike don't have to spend all day in the basement."

Hope dusted her hands off and looked to Xander. "So are we still on for tomorrow night."

Buffy stopped and smiled looking at Xander. "Tomorrow night?"

"Hope got tickets to the monster truck rally and actually knows one of the drivers so we can get a behind the scenes sort of thing. To answer your question Hope Hell yeah I am in. Love me some big monster trucks."

A few minutes later they were done picking up and Hope looked to Xander "I'll touch base with you later I got to lead my girls in a few safety enchantments."

He nodded at her "Thanks again."

Buffy watched the interaction waiting for Hope to get out of ear shot. "So Hope?"

"Pretty amazing isn't she?"

Buffy nodded just kept walking. "You are in to her?"

"What you mean like romantically?"

"No I men to sell her life insurance. Of course romantically."

Xander laughed and looked down rubbing the back of his head. "Your sister thinks I should make a move."

"Dawn said that?"

"I kind of think she's out of my league?"

"Oh come on Xander that's not true."

"Really cause she's like a ten and I'm what a soft 6."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "That is not true. It's not really the point though. It's not about if she likes you cause that much is pretty clear. It's about do you like her."

Xander stopped walking and leaning against the wall. He bit his lip. "She's incredible Buffy. You are right any guy would be in to her."

"But?"

"But I don't know if I'm ready for this. I mean I feel like I am still mourning Anya in some ways and I'm not sure if I am ready to move on. Then I don't know if right now is a good time for me to be trying to date. I mean there is all these rumors surrounding what Angel is investigating, then you and me are finally back on the same page and working as a team again, I'm constantly working on the school, drawing up battle plans. I just feel like now isn't a good time to take on something new."

Buffy looked at Xander sympathetically. "You know your situation better then anyone else. I love my sister but you can't let anyone push you in to something you aren't ready for. If you really feel that way then go with your gut."

Xander smiled "Thanks Buff." He started walking again. "I'm going to get cleaned up and then work on the tonight's plans."

Buffy scanned her memory. "Elmwood Cemetery tonight?"

"We aren't ready for the abandoned hospital. I want at least another week of planning before we go in." With that Xander went to his room. He pulled the blue prints for Elmwood and started drawing up the plans.

Buffy took a shower getting cleaned up after all the construction. She still had 2 hours though till she had to see Xander about the plans so she figured now would be a good time to relax with some simple meditation.

She sat on her bed closed her eyes and relaxed her mind. She visualized herself on the beach the warm salt water from the ocean misting her face. She could see the sun setting in the background and started to feel at total peace. She didn't need to turn around to know she was there. Buffy sighed. "So it's not just dreams anymore. You can come to me anytime?"

"Technically it's mediating and I am in a part of your mind."

She turned looking up at the other Buffy. "So what the lesson today?"

"No lessons today it's more of a warning?"

"What kind of warning?"

"You're going to start remembering more. I know you are afraid but it's coming."

"I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anything."

She sighed and stepped in front of her squatting down so she was eye level. "You don't have to do this anymore. I'm not your enemy and there is nothing wrong with being afraid. You don't have to act tough because you think I wouldn't be afraid. If you weren't afraid I'd be worried."

"I am strong. I am just as strong as you. I can deal."

"The memories that are going to come aren't going to be easy. I want you to be ready though."

She looked down at the sand. "What kind of memories?"

"They won't all be bad. You will even have some good memories. The thing is though I have lived real nightmares. I have seen things that were hard to deal the first time around and you'll be seeing them for the first time."

"So what should I do?'

She shook her head. "I have nothing to give on advice. You have to do this your way?'

"But you are always saying you are stronger and your way is."

"Don't hold me to this but there might be some things you are better at then me."

Buffy felt a smile spreading on her face. "Really?"

"I told you to run from the Xander situation but you didn't. You opened up and you faced it I don't think I could have been capable of that."

"You think I handled that well?"

"You don't push people away? You are better liked by the other slayers and people open up to you and you open up to them."

"You could have done that too."

She shook her head. "I was told being the slayer meant you were alone. She alone has to fight the forces of darkness. That word Alone wasn't just 5 letters. It was a way I lived my life." She sighed and touched her shoulder. "When the memories get tough, and they will, you should open up to your sister or Giles or anyone who will listen."

"Wow this is kind of a big moment for me. I mean I am actually better at something."

She laughed, "Don't get a big head. I am still a better fighter and have better instincts in the field.'

"I'll think about what you said."

"There is one last thing I wanted to talk to you about. You talked to Xander earlier today and gave him advice."

"He is my friend."

'Yeah but it was wrong."

"Excuse me. You just told me 10 seconds ago."

"I know what I told you. I also know that Xander has been waiting forever to move on from Anya. He can't keep making excuses not to live his life."

"But he said he's not ready. A good friend should support and stand by when."

She interrupted shaking her head. "This wasn't about you being a friend. This was about your fear."

"My fear."

"You have grown close to Xander an he's your leaning post. You are afraid that if he finds another someone else maybe you'll lose him."

"So I gave him bad advice, for my own selfish reasons. I wouldn't do that. I am a better friend than that."

She just laughed. "Who do you think you are lying to? I am up here" She pointed to her temple. "I know the same things you do and I know why you did it."

Buffy sighed letting go of a breath. "Look she's not right for him. Hope is nice but."

"You are starting to feel these things towards him. Things that." She let go of a breath. "Are better left alone."

"But."

"Nothing. There is going to come a day when it won't be you and it won't be me. It will just be us as 1. When that happens I don't think I can feel what you do for him and if I lost him because of something you did. Something you felt."

"Right so we can pick a vampire?"

"This isn't about love or being with anyone. This is about figuring out who we are. Maybe some day down the road we'll find love."

She listened to the words and knew she was right. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Right now figuring out who I am. I guess it isn't the optimal time."

"I know you were meditating for relaxation and all but you probably more stressed before you laid back."

"Kind of a lot on the plate all at once."

"And now it's time to get ready for patrol."

With that Buffy opened her eyes and stood up off the bed. She thought about everything and knew that one thing she could fix immediately. She changed in to some clothes for patrol then on schedule went down hall and to Xander's room She knocked on the door.

Xander looked at his clock knowing it was Buffy right on time. "Come in." He sat at his desk scribbling down details on the blue prints. "Hey Buffy I'm just about finished. Why don't you come on over and I'll walk you through the details."

"Actually I was hoping before we talk strategy I could talk to you about something else."

Xander could tell by the tone it was important he spun around in his chair. "Something on your mind?"

"I've been thinking about Hope and what I told you."

"Buffy you don't have too rehash I mean I agree with you."

"I was wrong."

Xander stood up. "What?"

"I think I told you what you wanted to hear cause I was trying to be a good friend but."

"Buffy I don't think I'm ready to move on from Anya. Plus now isn't a good time for me to think about dating."

"Xander there will always be a reason for you not to move on. I know it's easy and safe to stay in that comfortable place but love shouldn't be about comfortable. It should be a little hard and scary and."

"Buffy I."

"Just listen please. I know you are afraid and you have this sense of loyalty. You are my best friend Xander and I want you happy. You deserve to be happy and I think Hope could be that happiness for you."

"You know this could all be moot. I mean what if she doesn't like me?"

"Take a chance Xander. I know its scary but you can do this."

"Okay fine I'll think about what you said."

"Sorry but we aren't taking I'll think about what you said as a viable answer today. I want you to promise me you'll ask her out. On a date a real date."

"Buffy."

"I can stand here and wait as long as it takes."

Xander rolled his eyes. "You are a huge pain in the ass. Flip flopping your answer on me but fine. You win. I'll ask her out."

"Promise."

"Yes."

"No say it. Say you promise."

"Fine I promise I will ask her out."

She grabbed him in a hug squeezing him. "Thank you."

He gasped for air and looked at her. "Can we talk some battle strategy now?"

"God please yes."


	22. Fragments of me 22

Buffy could smell the dirt and soil all around her. The silk lined box that entombed her seemed to be closing in on her. How did she get here and why did the whole damn thing just stink of death. She punch the coffin with everything she had and punched again and again just wanting to get free.

She screamed for help but no one could hear her. Her heart was racing so fast she thought it was going to burst out of her chest. She sat up straight forward in a cold sweat finally awakened from her dream.

She jumped out of bed needing to feel what it was to move. Dawn heard the sudden footsteps and yawned reaching over turning on the lamp. "Buffy?"

She was still trying to catch her breath and looked back over to her sister. "Sorry for waking you Dawn. Go back to sleep."

"Was it a slayer prophecy?"

"I uhm." She flashed the biggest fakest smile she could muster and grabbed her bathrobe. "Something like that. I'm just going to get some air."

As Buffy walked out the halls of the school were almost bare. The slayers were asleep and the school was quiet. Buffy knew what she saw wasn't a prophecy. It was a memory. She had felt what it was to wake up in her own grave and after feeling something like that she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.

So she found herself in the south wing. Earlier in the day Hope, Xander and had started hanging drywall sheets. So she found herself back in the room and decided if she couldn't sleep she might as well work. So standing in her bathrobe she started working. She didn't plan for working much more then an hour but before she knew it the sun was up and the sheets were hung.

With nothing left to do she grabbed a change of clothes and got a quick shower. She found her self-walking with a specific destination in mind. She stood outside of Hope's door and knocked.

Hope answered the door a little surprised to see Buffy. "Hello Buffy."

"Hope I know it's early and all but I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes."

"Is everything okay?'  
She sighed and let go of a deep breath. "I don't know."

Hope opened the door and stepped to the side. "Of course Buffy come in." Buffy cleared her throat. She looked around the room and pulled out a small chair from the desk.

"Again I'm sorry for coming so early in the morning."

"Buffy really it is okay. To be honest I've been looking to talk to you. I owe you a thank you. I know it was because of you Xander finally asked me out. Seriously for all the hints I was dropping I didn't think he'd ever do it."

Buffy laughed and smiled "Xander's an amazing guy and he deserves someone equally amazing. You hurt him though you got a pissed off slayer on your hands."

"I will keep that in mind."

"How are you and him doing?"

Hope chuckled a little. "Slow but it's good. He makes me laugh and I like him a lot. You didn't come here to talk about Xander and I though."

Buffy bit her lip and nodded "Guess I'm not really good at beating around the bush." She closed her eyes and tried to find the right words. "Ya see Hope it is about my memory."

Hope shook her head "Buffy I don't think I can help. Willow is an amazing witch and if she wasn't able to restore them."

Buffy shook her head. "I think you are misunderstanding me." She stood up and walked to the dresser looking in the mirror she looked down and shut her eyes. "I want you to get rid of them. Get rid of them forever."

"So you are remembering things?"

Buffy nodded and turned around an uncomfortable smile on her lips. "At first it was okay. I remembered my dad and this bad hair cut and skating lessons. The problem is though the memories lately haven't been easy."

"Buffy what you are asking."

"Last night I dreamt I was in a coffin. It was so real I wanted to scream but couldn't. At first I thought it was a nightmare but then I saw it was so much more. I was there in that coffin. It was terrifying in ever way you can imagine."

"I know it's hard."

"Hard isn't the word Hope. Last week I watched my mother dying as I gave her CPR and it had no effect."

"Buffy I know some of the memories are difficult but you can't pick and choose. If you get rid of the bad memories you'll be getting rid of the good ones too."

"I don't care."

"But you'll be a clean slate again. You'll have to start over completely."

"I've been thinking about that. I'll make myself a video and this time I'll at least have a voice to follow and listen."

"Buffy what you are asking."

"Is it possible? I'm not talking about what happened to me the first time. I don't want there to be any chance of remembering any thing. Can you destroy all of my memories?"

"Buffy " She stood up and started pacing wanting to select her words carefully. "Possible? Yes. I don't think I should though."

"Hope you are the only one I can ask. If I went to Willow with this she wouldn't understand. She would tell me that my memories are to important."

"And she would be right."

"I fear afraid every second of ever hour. I never know when the memories are coming back. I never know if it's going to be something good or sad or just terrifying. I can't escape them in my sleep."

"Buffy this isn't just about destroying your good memories. It's about your life and your experiences. "

"For most people I would agree but I'm not most people. Add to that I remember things. I have memories of things I've done and people I've hurt. I don't want that in my head."

"Buffy even the things that hurt and we don't want to remember are important. They are lessons and carve out part of" It then hit Hope why Buffy wanted to get rid of the memories.

"Go ahead and say it."

"Our memories make us who we are." She took a deep breath. "Is that why you want them gone?"

"No. At least not entirely."

"Not entirely?'

"Fine. What if a part of me is afraid? The fact is that our memories and life experiences make us who we are so the more I remember the more I become her and I don't want to be her. I like who I am."

" Buffy."

"Look I know everyone loves her and they probably even miss her but don't' I have a right to be here. Don't I have a right to exist?"

Hope had a confused complex look on her face. All her points were valid. "Buffy I am not sure what to say here."

"Honestly getting rid of her wasn't the reason I'm asking. I figured I'd deal with that on my own and face it when it's time but then these memories started again and I can't face them I am not strong enough." She stepped to Hope looking in her eyes. "If you were in my place and you could get rid of the most terrifying moments, the most cringe worthy mistakes, wouldn't you?"

She shook her head. "No."

"You are lying."

"I'm really not. Buffy I think back to the mistakes I have made the choices in my life and I've learned too much. The bad memories as awful as they are can be just as important."

Buffy took a deep breath and sighed. "You aren't going to help me?"

"I didn't' say that. I want you to take time and think about what it is you are really asking. I want you to think about what it is you are losing. You won't remember your family or your first kiss. You are throwing away those moments in life with the people you care about. I think if I lost those things I'd be lost."

"Hope. I"

"Just promise me you will take some time and think about what it is you are really asking. If you can do that and you still decide this is what you truly want then I will help you."

Buffy looked at Hope a small smile on her face. "I promise I will take real time and think on it."

A few hours had passed and Hope wanted to see Xander before she had to meet with the coven. She knocked on his door and heard through the door. "It's open."

She stepped inside to find Xander sitting at his desk looking over blue prints. She smiled stepping to him her hand on his shoulder. "Working on battle strategy?"

Xander rubbed his eyes tired. "This one is not easy."

"It's that old abandoned Hospital?"

He nodded and spun around in his chair. "The place is so dangerous. Between the hallways with all the storage closets and basement access this place is a vampire paradise."

"You should go in during the day that way your team has the whole sunlight advantage." Hope started looking around Xander room as she talked. It was a bit of a man mess but Xander called it home.

"The problem is we are wide out in the open. If people see a group of girls marching in to the Hospital they will think we are up to trouble and the police will be called and then we have to worry about them getting killed."

Hope looked at Xander's dresser and saw his old construction hat. It was from his Sunnydale days. She smiled picking it up and putting it on. "I'm sure you will come up with something."

He laughed and shook his head "Be careful with that it's practically an antique."

She turned and smiled at him. She looked in the mirror and smiled. "I think I look good. I am all sexy construction worker."

Xander laughed shaking his head but stopped as a thought entered his head. "Construction worker"

Hope looked confused. "huh?"

"If we march in to the hospital with 30 girls then we will have the police there in 5 minutes but." He stepped to Hope looking at her and the hat. "We send in a crew of construction foreman at a hospital that is getting prepped for tear down."

"No one bats an eye lash."

Xander bit the side of his lip thinking. "Problem is that even dressed as construction workers an all girl crew isn't something you see every day."

Hope spun around smiling. "I think I could help you with that."

"What do you have in mind?"

"It wouldn't take much for me and my coven to work up some glamours and protection charms. We could make all of the slayers look like big burly construction workers."

"You could do that?"

"It's pretty basic stuff."

Xander shook his head "I can't ask that of you and the coven. I mean you guys are guests here."

"Xander I told you when we arrived we pull our own weight. If this will help with your plans then consider it done."

Xander looked at her and smiled. "You are pretty damn amazing." He wrapped his arms around her. "Between your brains and beauty and my Babylon 5 knowledge we could rule the world some day."

Hope laughed and grinned. "Maybe not the whole world but you could definitely rule mine."


	23. Fragments of me 23

Buffy stood in the gymnasium handing out the orange constructions worker vests and hardhats. "As you take your construction gear see Hope. Everyone of you will need the charm from her in order for the glamour to work correctly."

Faith grabbed one of the hats coming up behind Buffy. "Sure this isn't all a bunch of over kill? I mean usually our squad is enough"

Buffy just kept handing out gear as the girls came in. "Not a usual situation Faith. On the low side estimates have as many as 20 vampires in the hospital, on the high side 50."

Faith shrugged "Let's just hope A. squad plays nice with B."

Xander had various construction tools that he was handing to the girls to go with the outfits. When everyone had a tool in hand and disguise in place he looked at Buffy who blew a whistle calling attention.

"Okay everyone shut up and listen. First I want to thank B squad for volunteering to come with us. This is not a typical Tuesday night and this plan requires a little more help then usual. Xander has placed each of you in position and instead of the buddy system today we are a triangle. I know squads of 3 might seem over protective but I would rather be over protective and have everyone back alive then at the end of the night say what could I have done. All of you should be wearing a charm I'm going to leave it to Hope to explain this part."

Hope stepped forward and cleared her throat. "Okay the charms will be activated once you get inside the van leaving here. They work on time a time table so you have 3 hours to finish then you will just look like a bunch of girls in construction gear."

Xander crossed his arms. "I don't want anyone going in to this casually. This hospital is dangerous. I know in the field we all play and make jokes but I am telling you this is not the time or place for that. If you don't take this serious you could end up dead or end up getting someone killed."

Buffy stood side by side with Xander to reaffirm what he was saying. "Xander is right. This isn't a typical job. You have your communication link in your ear at all times and first sign of any trouble you come calling and we send in the cavalry"

As the girls started heading to the loading dock Xander looked at Buffy. "I feel like I should be with you on this one Buffy. I mean you and Faith are in the field and I can't say I am 100 percent comfortable with Beck Travers as the man on the radio."

Buffy shook her head "Xander with most of the girls out this place could be left vulnerable. I'm leaving you with a hand full of girls."

"Buffy no one knows about this attack. They wouldn't know the school could be vulnerable."

"You are probably right but it's to dangerous otherwise."

Hope put her hand on Xander's shoulder. "She's right Xand. I mean we still have enemies that want to take down the coven and if they thought they had an opportunity."

"I get that but Beck is new and"

Beck stood in the doorway with Xander's blueprints and battle plans in hand. He heard what Xander said. "I know you still don't trust me but I am telling you I can do this. You have given me a piece of art and I promise I will do you justice."

Buffy nodded and looked at Beck. "I've walked him through the battle plans forward, backwards, sideways and inside out."

Xander sighed and let go of a breath. "I guess you guys are right. Just be careful."

A few minutes later Xander stood next to Hope on the loading dock watching the vans pull out and away. Xander sighed a worried look on his face. Hope put her arm around him. "Don't worry it will be okay."

Xander nodded and turned around "I'm sure you are right."

As promised the charms worked like Hope said they would. Most of the girls looked like what you would expect a construction worker to look like. They were bald or over weight or harry backs. The exception to the rule was Buffy. For some reason the charm made her look like Chris Hemsworth fresh out of Thor. She even had the long flowing blonde locks.

To be honest it was Hope's doing she had long crushed on him since she saw him the first time in Cabin in the woods. Buffy just ended up with the lucky pick. The vans pulled in behind the hospital.

Beck sat in the back of the van watching the monitors. All of the girls turned on their beacons and earpieces so he knew exactly where they would be. Buffy, Noxi and Faith were on the top floor. It was probably the creepiest part of the hospital. It was the psyche ward.

They all knew it wasn't going to take long for the vampires to figure out they were there. Between the whole being able to smell them and pulling up in the middle of the day they knew they would be losing the stealth advantage. The one advantage they would retain would be that as far as they knew construction workers were entering the building for tear down, not slayers who were hell bent on killing them.

If there were an opening bell to this fight it would have been the sound of smashing glass from the squad of slayers out side. They needed to get as much sunlight in to the building as quickly as possible. The first two floors weren't that difficult as the slayers used the sledgehammers pulverizing the glass.

The girls charged in to find the vampires surprised. At first they lunged at them thinking they were nothing but fat construction workers. They quickly learned differently as they found these construction workers were carrying stakes.

Beck sat in the van calling out the orders Xander had given. The heaviest concentrations of vampires were living in the morgue. It was ideal place for them. It lacked windows and was cold and dark.

That was until Jasmine came plowing through the cargo door. It was usually used for the funeral homes picking up the bodies. As the light poured in to the room the girls filled the basement killing the vampire like fleeing rats. Most of the vamps were confused and caught off guard.

As the final windows were smashed in the hospital Beck ordered the last of the girls in to reinforce their sister slayers. Beck did constant checks on the girls making sure all of them were not only alive but had the back up they required.

Faith, Buffy and Noxi were on the sixth floor and could hear the fighting below and Faith wasn't happy. "You realize Buffy we are missing all of the fun."

Buffy sighed walking in the safety of the sunlight provided by the smashed windows. "Come on Faith every floor has to be checked not our fault we got the floor with no vamps."

Noxi held her crossbow up ready. "I don't know Buffy. I think this floor is too creepy even for the vampires."

As they opened every door to every room they watched every direction. They would enter the room and find a closet and open that making sure nothing was hiding in there.

Most of the vampires in the hospital were killed with in the first 10 minutes. The disadvantage though was a hospital had a lot of places for vampires to hide. One by one the girls opened every cabinet in the morgue, every elevator shaft, stair well and any other place to hide.

Faith looked at her watch and sighed. "Buffy I think we are just about done here. Not that there was a lot to do."

Noxi nodded. "She's right. Beck says it's over and report back to the van."

Faith rolled her eyes and grumbled. "We didn't get to kill nothing."

Buffy patted her back "Come on Rambo we will find you a nice vampire to kill in a graveyard."

Faith smiled and opened the doors to the stairwell. "You promise?'

That's when it happened it was like one of those moments that happen in slow motion but you can't do anything to stop it. The vampire hiding behind the door was a blur. As they came through the doorway he pushed Buffy and Faith against the old railing and the rusty metal did little to off set their balance. The rusted pipes snapped and they fell back and started falling towards the ground and what would most certainly be there certain death.

Noxi dropped her sword and dove low reaching for their hands. She grabbed Faith with one hand and Buffy with the other. She groaned using her slayer strength to keep them from falling to certain death.

Buffy looked at Noxi wide eyed. "Good catch."

Faith still terrified with the close brush with death nodded and just said "Agreed."

Noxi held on with everything she had and looked over at Buffy. "I'm pulling you up." She started lifting Buffy up trying to get her to her feet.

"Good idea." As Buffy got a change of leverage she heard the dull metal draw across the concrete of the floor. The vampire that had knocked them down had picked up Noxi's sword. Noxi couldn't turn to fight him and Buffy was still vulnerable.

Faith was the only one facing him. "Behind you Noxi."

Buffy quickly pulled herself to her feet but it was to late. With one single lunge the vampire thrust the sword deep in Noxi back and came out the other side. Even with all of the pain she held tightly on to Faith's hand not dropping her

Buffy charged the vampire quick and angry. He was little challenge now that she was on her feet. She staked him quickly knowing her friends needed help. "Noxi hang in there." She quickly bent down taking Faith's hand pulling her up.

Noxi was coughing blood and whispered. "Do you got her?"

Buffy pulled Faith to her feet. "You saved her. You saved both of us."

Faith pushed the button calling to Travers. "We have a slayer down 6th floor. Send help NOW."

Faith jumped to the other side of Noxi taking her hand while Buffy held her other hand. They wanted to pull the sword from her back but knew it could be more damage then good.

Buffy held on to her. "Noxi you have to be strong. You have to hang in there Help is coming."

Noxi clutched both of their hands. She knew that any help that would arrive would be to late for her. Her voice was weak. She looked at Buffy. "I wanted to be one of the legends like you guys. You guys are my heroes."

Faith shook her head. "You are one of the greats girl. This will make a great war story when we are back at the school."

Buffy felt it first. Her grip had loosened and Noxi was gone. "Noxi. Oh no. You don't stop fighting. Come on don't do this to us."

Faith quickly reached over checking the pulse for Noxi to confirm her worst fears. "Oh God no."

Buffy pushed the button on her comlink. "Damn it Beck we need help NOW."

Faith reached over touching Buffy's hand "Buffy she's gone."

Buffy shook her head as the twin tears trailed down her face. "No she's not gone she's just hurt. She need help she just." Buffy looked at Noxi. "Come on Noxi you got to wake up you got to get up, you are better then this. You are stronger then this. You." She couldn't hold it back anymore. Buffy burst in to tears and sat against the wall waiting for help to arrive.

The charms had worn off and the slayers arrived to find Buffy weeping in the stairwell. The girls recognized Noxi instantly and knew why Buffy wept. Faith stood up and pulled the sword out of her back.

Her voice was dry and scratchy. Faith wanted to wail just like Buffy but held it together. "Let's take her home."


	24. Fragments of me 24

"It wasn't' anyone's fault Xander. It was just one of those thing?'

Xander shook with rage in a way Buffy never saw. "Don't say that. A girl is dead Buffy she deserves more of an explanation then these things just happen. Where the hell was Faith? Where were you?"

"Xander the area was clear. At least we thought it was. He came from a service hallway that connected to the entire hospital. We checked it earlier but he must have come from another floor."

"It was Beck. Damn it I knew I should have come with you. He screwed up my plans and because of that"

"Xander stop it. This isn't anyone's fault."

"Noxi is dead. She is dead for a reason." He shook his head and closed his eyes. "She's dead because the plans I drew up weren't good enough."

"You can't do this to yourself. It's not fair."

Xander looked at Buffy "She's dead Buffy. She is dead cause of me and I can't escape that fact." He went to the edge of his bed and sat on the corner. His head was in his hands.

"You are wrong Xander." She pulled up the chair from his desk and sat it across the bed so she could talk to him. "Nothing about this was your fault."

Xander ignored her pleas and reached for a small wooden box under the bed. He pulled it out opening it up. Inside the box was an old Aged Whiskey with two glasses. Around the school it was best to keep the liquor out of sight and out of mind from the other girls. "You want one?"

"No and I don't think you should either."

Xander laughed ignoring her advice as he poured some of the whiskey in to the glass. He took a deep drink and let out a groan as the amber liquid warmed his chest. "Oh that is good." He stared down in to the glass. "You know she was the first girl I ever recruited."

"I didn't know that."

"The old Buffy did. Anyways it was before we moved in to the school. We were still living like hell out of the back of a school bus." He took another sip out of the glass. "We were just traveling Iowa or Indiana, or one of those mid western I states."

"How did you know she was there?"

"Willow had done a location spell. We went to Noxi's home. It was a small town."

"That is where it started?"

"Actually no." He tilted the glass all the way back emptying the last of the whiskey in his throat. "Willow and I rang the door bell and her father answered the door. He was drunk at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Willow asked if they could talk to her and he said they hadn't seen her in 4 months."

"So how did you find her?"

"Willow and I were hungry. We were going to grab a sack of burgers and fries and hit the road." He grabbed the bottle filling the glass again. "Willow was on food detail I was taking care of fueling up the crappy rental car. As I am filling the car I see these 3 football players picking on some underclassman. I was about to step up but Noxi beat me too it. She worked at the gas station and beat the hell out of the 3 football players. They went running like dogs."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at the story. "I wish I could have been there."

"I knew when I saw her that she was our girl. I told Willow I found her."

"How did you convince her to come with you."

He looked down and chuckled shaking his head. "That's the funny part. The hardest part of recruitment is convincing people. I mean it's a hard story to sell. Hey come with us and fight evil vampires and demons cause you are now a super hero. Our retirement plan includes dying young."

"You put it that way I can see the girls just lining up to join"

"But Noxi was different. Her boss fired her on the spot after beating up the boys in the parking lot. She came with us just like that." He took another drink. "You guys found it so odd. You said why would someone be so willing to go with a complete stranger with practically no convincing. I know why she did it though." He let go of a deep breath. "She chose to come with us cause her home life was so terrible that even if we were lying it had to be better then the truth she was facing at home. I know what it is to feel that. So I used that. I used that to my advantage to bring her with us." He finished off the last of the brown liquid inside the glass and looked up at Buffy's eyes. "So you can tell me that what happened at the hospital wasn't my fault. The truth is though that if she'd never met me she would be alive right now. She would be breathing."

"Xander you can't."

"And since you aren't drinking I invite you to go." He stood up walking to the door opening it for Buffy.

Buffy walked to the door but stopped. "Xander once upon a time a friend and someone I deeply respect gave me some advice. You said once you start blaming yourself for deaths that aren't your fault you can't come back."

His words rang true and he knew she was right. He just nodded at her and put his hand on the doorknob. "Yeah I know that. I don't think I want to come back." With that he started closing the door as it shut in Buffy's face.

Buffy stood there not sure what else to say. Buffy felt like going back in but knew now words weren't what he needed. He needed time.

Buffy went to Hope explaining everything. Where Buffy had been unable to get through to Xander maybe Hope could. The mood around the school had definitely changed. There was no laughter in the hallways and the girls had gotten a peak at their own mortality.

Beck had arrangements to have Noxi cremated as her will requested. Willow and Giles worked together on a service to honor her life. For her part Buffy had taken on a role that was completely foreign to her. She was the rock of support. She comforted Faith who took much of the blame.

Xander had locked himself in his room. Everyone had tried to get through with no luck. He couldn't bring himself to come out of the room for Noxi's service. The East hill of the school was the perfect location for the service. It was one of Noxi's favorite places to go. Sometimes she would just sit there for hours and find her peace. Several of the girls had spoken telling stories of how Noxi had touched them.

When it was Willows turn she stepped in front of the crowd. She closed her eyes unsure of her words but did her best. "For the longest time I considered Noxi to be a mystery to me. I remembered when she joined us. I remembered how casually she left her town and her home and everything she knew behind. This troubled me for the longest time. The entire time she was here she never reached out or looked back. So I started judging her. I thought of her as cold and emotionless." She let go of a sigh and ran her fingers through her red locks. "But as I watched her it was completely contradictory to what I was seeing. She treated Giles like a father the she loved. She would talk to me like a sister." She choked back a tear. "All of us in this school. We were her family. We were her sisters and brothers and cousins. So a few weeks ago I'm talking to her. We were sharing some breakfast and I asked her how the new squad was going. She was so proud. She told me that the best part of being on the team was the family aspect. She said she loved making the other slayers proud. So I asked her if she ever told her family back home about what she was doing. I could see her get uncomfortable. She told me that a bloodline doesn't make a family. She said she never knew what family was till she got here. She is our family and." She had a look of pain on her face. "We are angry and pissed or sad because this part of our family is gone. Her pain is gone but we still miss her and ache because of a hole created. The girl I once thought of cold and unfeeling should serve as a reminder to all of us in the importance we have in family. If you can do that we can truly honor her."

With that the service ended. Even with everyone still aching and hurting the forces of darkness were strong as ever. Buffy knew they had a duty and job and needed to get back out on patrol with the other girls.

She went to Xander's room again and knocked on the door. When he refused to answer she waited no longer. She pulled out the master key and unlocked the door. The light poured in the room and Xander squinted. His eyes were blood shot and face had 4 or 5 days stubble on it.

Several bottles of now empty booze lay on the floor. Xander glared at Buffy. "GET OUT."

"Sorry Xander but I can't do that. We have a duty. We can't give up Xander. I loved Noxi too but you think this is what she'd want."

"This isn't about her."

"Then what is it about?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Tell me."

"I can't."

"Please Xander let me help you."

"I can't do this anymore because."

"Because?"

"BECAUSE I'm AFRAID DAMN IT."

Buffy looked at Xander differently. She thought this was about his grief but it was something else. "You are afraid." He crossed the room to the only window opening the curtains and looked outside. On the back lawn several of the girls were practicing with bo's and staffs. "What are you afraid of?"

"Look at them Buffy? I'm sending them in to battle every night and what happens if I'm not good enough. What if I fail? What if my plans are bad? What if I fail? It's not me who pays the price for those mistakes." A tear rolled down his check and he looked at Buffy. "I don't want to hurt anyone else and I'm afraid my choices might."

Buffy shook her head and could see the pain Xander was feeling. She spun the wooden chair around and sat down in it. "When I left you here a few days ago I wanted to come back immediately. Anyways I tried to convince myself the reason I didn't come back right away was cause you needed time to deal. But that's not the reason. I was scared. I guess after everything we've been through, all that you have helped me with I kind of look at you as my hero. I still think of you as this super hero that can help me out with any trouble I get in to. It scared me to see someone that you look so much to become so vulnerable. That's on me though."

"Buffy stop it's"

"Let me finish. Right here and right now I look at you and all I can feel is how proud of you I am. I'm not proud of some silly battle plan or attack formation that you draw up. What I'm proud of is you've been doing this for over a decade man and when things go badly you still take it this hard." She crossed the room putting her comforting hand on his shoulder. "In what we do it's so easy to grow comfortable and get used to the death that surrounds us. It numbs most of us, but not you. You still feel it and man after seeing that I know that's the kind of slayer I want to be."

"Buffy I"

"Take today to work out what you are feeling. You should get out of this room though. Get some clean clothes shave and for the love of god please take a shower."

Xander laughed a little. It was the first laugh in a while. "Was the service nice?"

"You would have liked it. Giles is actually talking about naming the new library after her."

Xander turned around "New library?"

"Giles is talking about taking some of the new found funds from Beck and building something fun for the girls."

Xander rolled his eyes at the concept at a library. "Oh my God Buffy seriously these girls don't want to relax in a library at the end of the day."

"What are you thinking?"

The wheels had started spinning and he smiled. "What about something casual but fun. I'm seeing flat screens with Playstations maybe a pinball machine. I'm seeing some couches and recliners. The girls deserve some where they can go to relax after a hard day."

Buffy smiled knowing that he might have still been a little broken but at least was on the right path once more. "I have to get the girls ready but we can talk about this later."

"Ready? It's too early for patrol?"

"We didn't do any sparring today so instead we are just going out for a jog. I figured it's a nice day and a good run will be good for all of us."

"Sounds like a good idea."

Buffy stood up and walked to the door. "I will touch base with you later." She opened the door stepping out.

"Buffy."

She turned to him smiling at him. "Yeah Xander."

"Thank you." He didn't' have to say what for. They both knew.

"No problem. Now get a shower."

Buffy went to her room and started getting ready. She touched base with Beck. He had offered do draw up some of the battle strategies till Xander was ready to take back over. He wasn't nearly as good but it was better then nothing. She changed in to some running shorts and a t-shirt and looked at the clock.

She stopped in the cafeteria and grabbed bottled water for the run She was the first to arrive and one by one the other slayers showed up. At 3pm all of the girls arrived. Buffy smiled "Okay you guys ready to do some running."

Just then a familiar face came running out of the school. Xander had cleaned himself up then showered and shaved. His clothes were clean but more then any of that he had a different look in his eyes. "Hey wait up Buffy"

"Xander? You are all cleaned up."

"Took your advice."

"What are you doing here?"

He started stretching his arms up and down and then grabbed his legs. "Well I figured a little sunlight might do me some good. I figured I could come out running with you guys."

Buffy smiled at him. "You think you can keep up."

He shook his head "Not at all but I'd rather be in last place with this squad then first with anyone else."

Buffy nodded. "Welcome back Xander Harris." She turned to the girls blowing a loud whistle. "Okay let's do this."


	25. Fragments of me 25

Beck pushed a small cart down the concrete hallway, He stopped at each door giving a preliminary knock. If the girl answered he handed them any mail, packages or letters addressed to them. He came to Xander's door reluctantly knocking. Through the door he heard. "Who is it?"

"Mail call."

Xander opened the door and was a little surprised to see Beck delivering the mail. He smirked a little. "So you are the mail man."

Beck nodded and handed Xander his letter. "Well I told Mister Giles I was to start at the bottom. The bottom I guess is delivering letters."

Hope came behind Xander looking over his shoulder. "What's going on?"

Xander glanced at her "Just mailman Travers delivering the good news."

Beck looked at Hope. "I was going to make a delivery to your room but since you're here."

Hope smiled and put out her hands. "I'll take what ever you got."

Beck reached the bottom of the cart and handed her a small package. "Here you go."

Hope eyes widened "Present!"

Xander looked at it curious. "Who is it from?"

Hope shook her head and shrugged "No return address." Hope started opening the package.

Xander looked to Beck. "When the post office dropped everything here did they have any info?"

Beck shook his head "Fairly routine stuff. I picked up what they delivered sorted and drop it off."

Suddenly Beck was cut off by a shriek as the box opened. A silver chain dropped from her hand to the floor, around the chain was a simple black stone.

Xander looked at Hope. "What's wrong?'

"That." She pointed to the silver chain now on the ground "It was my protection charm. I had it for years and then we were attacked."

Beck looked on at her. "Isn't that the reason you ended up here because of the attack?" Xander knelt down picking up the charm and box. Inside the box was a small piece of paper scribbled on it was "_Even a school of slayers can't protect you or your girls from what is to come. See you soon."_

Hope nodded. "We barely got away. At one point one of the Warlocks got so close he ripped that off my neck. "

Xander could see the look of fear in Hope's eyes. He put his arm around her. "Hey you are here because you are stronger then them. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Beck cleared his throat. "I know it's not my place but I know some people in England that may be able to help."

Hope shook her head. "I want to deal with this internally." She turned to Xander. "I have to meet with the girls now. I'm sorry but."

Xander shook his head "Go. I am going to talk with Buffy and Willow and."

She put her hand on his arm. "Xander please don't. I need you to just pretend this didn't happen for now. Mister Travers I can trust your discretion?"

"Of course."

With that Hope picked up the silver chain and the box along with the memo and took off running down the hall. Beck continued with his mail routine. Xander how ever wasn't dealing well with not being able to do anything.

Beck delivered the final piece of mail and returned the cart to the main office. Giles was going through some of the new inventory Beck had brought over. Beck wasn't lying when he said he had access to some of the oldest texts in existence. He looked up to see Beck. "Hello Beck. I was just going through some of the books. I must say these are going to be incredibly useful."

"Just glad to be a help."

Giles put the book down and looked at him. "Thank you again for volunteering with the mail."

Beck nodded and smiled "Well no unimportant jobs here right. We all function best as a team."

"Exactly."

"Well if there is nothing left I would like to head in to town. My motorcycle should be arriving at the shipping port."

"Well have a good afternoon."

A taxi cab pulled up to the school a few minutes later and Beck got in to the cab. Xander stood on the roof just watching as the cab pulled away. He didn't trust Beck and was going to get to the bottom of this.

He walked to the library when he saw Giles passing carrying 2 cardboard boxes filled with the books. "Hey Giles I can help you with that."

"Oh thank you Xander." Xander grabbed the box off of the top.

"So I saw Beck today. He was delivering my mail."

Giles nodded and carried the box leading the way. "I know you don't much care for him but he's taking initiative Xander."

"He told me that you asked him to deliver the mail."

"Quite the contrary. He volunteered of his own accord Xander. He wants to be an asset to this place."

Xander kept walking as Giles opened the library door. "He volunteered?" He remembered Beck telling him Giles assigned him to deliver the mail but he had volunteered to do it. He suddenly realized if Beck wanted to plant a package that would be the perfect way to do so. "Giles I think.

Giles set the books down on the table and turned to Xander. "Yes?"

He wanted to tell Giles the truth but remembered what Hope asked. Hope told him to keep it quiet and it wasn't his place to break her confidence. He set the cardboard box down. "I think I need to talk to Hope."

At the shipping Port Beck was walking through the shipping warehouse. The Shipping clerk walked Beck back to a large crate. "This is the one Mister Travers."

"I will be driving it home. Do you think you could find a crowbar for me. I have some fuel outside."

The shipping clerk heard footsteps behind him. A balding man in his late 40's emerged from the shadows. He had a cockney British grin that only one warlock could wear like him. His name was Ethan Rayne.

"You can not be here."

Ethan's hand glowed as he looked at the clerk. "You will leave your post and go grab a beer. Don't return to work for half an hour." Just like that the shipping clerk turned on his heal in a robot like walk followed his command.

Beck sighed, "Is that really necessary? You probably just cost that poor chap his job."

"Mister Travers I am tired of waiting and since you are no longer answering my calls."

Beck stepped to him angry. "Really. You want me to call? Where? When I'm in the school and any one can over hear or maybe the witches can listen in. I'm not sloppy and I'm not stupid. Everything is going as planned."

"Did you deliver the package?"

"Yes Even though I think it is a terrible idea I delivered it. You gave up your advantage, you told them you are coming. It's just so cliché. It's what bad guys do in movies."

"I've always been a sucker for the theatrical. Besides delivering that charm was good. The girl is terrified and unsure of her position as leader. That fear will be our victory."

"Is everyone ready?"

"Impatiently so."

"That is good because it's happening sooner then expected?"

"When?"

"Can you be ready tonight?"

"Why tonight?"

"You want the slayers out of the way. You will never get all of them out of the building but tonight most of them will be gone for patrol."

"Gone where?"

"The A squad is going to Canton to take down a nest and the others squads are going to be at least half an hour away from the school. You said you only need 10 minutes."

"What time?"

Beck reached behind his back pulling out a manila envelope. "They have this boy there." He laughed. "He thinks he's some sort of GI Joe battle strategist. He keeps blue prints of every building in town and this is the blue print for the school. I have marked the location of every camera. I will take care of the ones you'll have to cross in front of but I need you to follow the exact path marked on the blue prints. It will give you the most efficient entry point."

Ethan opened the envelope looking through the envelope. "This is good."

"I marked the location of the weapons armory and any other key points. I set a time table where you need to be and when."

Ethan clucked his tongue and smiled. "This is amazing stuff. You know I wasn't sure I should have brought you. I mean your father worked with the slayers for years."

"The slayer worked for my father, don't you forget that."

"Touchy."

"They think they can just disregard years of history and tradition and piss on everything my family built. If they thought my father was bad they will truly learn what the name Travers is about."

"Once the witches are under my control I will repay my debt and you will have the revenge against all of them."

Beck's lip curled in a snarl. "Starting with Summers. I want her to burn for what she did."

Ethan laughed "Well that's some revenge I can get behind." Beck started looking for crowbar or anything to open the crate. "What are you doing?"

"You sent the clerk away before I could open the box so now I have to find a way to open this."

Ethan touched the box and it the flaps fell to the side. "Abracadabra Mister Travers."

Beck grabbed the handlebars of the bike and started pushing it towards the loading dock. "Don't be late. If you screw up the time table everything goes to hell."

"If I am anything I am proficient."

He leaned back forward pushing the bike towards the dock. "Oh and be careful leaving we can't be seen tog" He turned to look at him but found he had already vanished. He rolled his eyes and whispered "What a drama queen."


	26. Fragments of me 26

Back at the school Xander was searching for Hope. She had called an emergency meeting. Xander came running in to the school auditorium to find Hope rehashing to the girls the events of the day. Most of the girls sat in the seats while Hope stood on the stage talking and pacing.

Xander stood in the wings watching and whispered. "Psst Hope."

Hope ignored him and kept talking. "They know we are here and they say they are coming for us. I want to trust all of you but I feel like there is a mole. Someone is talking. I don't know if it someone in this group or maybe one of the slayers in the"

"Pssst Hope."

Now she looked aggravated. "I " She shook her head "Give me 2 minutes please." With that she turned to Xander and walked to the stage.

"Hope I talked to Giles and."

"Xander you can't be doing this. I have to ready the girls. We could be under attack any minute. "

"Just listen. I was talking to Giles"

"Did you tell him about the letter cause I thought I was clear."

"No I wouldn't do that. I found out though Beck was lying."

"Lying?

"Giles didn't ask him to deliver the mail. He volunteered."

"So?"

"He planted that package."

Hope shook her head. "That's a far cry from proof Xander."

"You don't know Travers."

"And neither do you Xander. You knew his father. Now I know you don't like him so you are looking for a way to paint him as the bad guy."

"Hope I can read people and I can tell you that he is in the middle of this. I'm begging you don't disregard me."

"Xander you have to let me do this."

"But Hope"

"You wouldn't want me telling you how to use the Slayers so please let me do what I do best."

Xander looked angry. "I'm right on this one. I know I am."

"I like you Xander but if you can't accept what I'm asking then maybe you should take the night off."

Xander spun around angry ready to leave but stopped. "Years ago Buffy used to do this same thing. She would discount me cause I was just one of the normal so what could I possibly bring to the table. What could I know about anything? I proved her wrong but it still hurt that she had no faith in me, It's funny years can pass and things change but I guess not enough,"

"Xander please just understand that what I'm doing."

He turned around walking away. "Good luck."

Xander stormed out of the hallway his hands balled in to fists. It was just before 5pm when Beck arrived back at the compound on his motorcycle. Xander came running outside..

"Hello Xander. It's an amazing afternoon. I hope you are getting to enjoy some of it."

"I'm not here for small talk. I know what you are doing."

Beck tilted his head. "What I am doing?"

"That little package didn't come from the post office it came from you. That means that you are connected to who ever was at this battle."

"Are you out of your gourd. Do you have any proof to back this?"

"I'm going to the post office right now and I'm going to ask them to track the package."

"I think that's a good idea. You should look in to that. But you should have done it an hour ago as they will be closing in a matter of minutes."

Xander trembled in anger knowing he was right. He stepped in to Becks face. "I will kill you if you hurt any one."

"Lets talk about what this is. Since I have arrived you have been looking for a way to paint me as the bad guy. Now you have this package idea in your head and just love the concept of the once again evil Travers."

"You are evil."

Beck smirked a little and shook his head. "If what you said was true, do you really believe you could stop me.?"

"Maybe I can't but Giles can , Willow can and Buffy can,"

He just laughed. "What is it you call yourself? Oh right Go team Scooby."

Xander could hold back no more. He exploded tackling Beck screaming. He wrapped his hands around his throat. He hopped on top of Beck and started choking him.

Beck suddenly felt panic fill his mind. The girls watching from the school ran outside and came to Beck's aide. Faith was the first out and quickly pulled Xander up and off of him. Beck gasped for air as his throat was released. Faith wrapped her arms around Xander restraining him.

"What the hell has gotten in to you Harris?"

"He's evil. He can't be trusted Faith. You have to let me go,"

Beck crawled to his feet rubbing his throat. "He's gone insane." Much like a schoolyard fight most the girls quickly filed outside to see what the commotion was. Giles came out to the front yard shortly after.

Giles looked to Xander. "What is going on here?"

Xander yelled out still being held back by Faith. "Beck is working against the coven. That's why he came to this school. He didn't want to work with us he wanted access to the witches."

Giles looked at Beck curious. "Mister Travers?"

Beck rubbed his throat. "He's gone off his rocker. He's been looking for a way to make me the bad guy."

Giles turned to Xander and looked him in the eye. "These are serious accusations you are leveling what is the proof that you have?"

Faith let him go as he answered Giles. Xander was contemplating if he should tell the truth. He told Hope he wouldn't break her trust but knew it might be the only way to save her. "He delivered a package to Hope today. It was a threat from whomever attacked the coven in England."

Beck interrupted. "A package that came in the mail."

Giles took off his glasses wiping them. "Why is this the first I am hearing of this package?"

Beck sighed. "I promised Hope that I would keep her confidence and I didn't feel it was urgent right now."

Hope had worked her was out to the lawn. Almost everyone witches and slayers alike were out there now. "Xander I trusted you."

Giles looked to Hope. "So it is true?"

Hope stepped closer between Xander and Beck. She sighed and shook her head. "Yes it is true. I asked Mister Beck to keep this between us. I need to deal with this as I see fit. Not as your school does. He was respecting my wishes." She crossed her arms glaring at Xander "More then I can say for some."

Xander looked at her pleading. "Hope I."

She shook her head. "I don't want to hear it."

Giles angry now stepped to Hope. "You keep secrets like this you don't just put your girls in danger you put my slayers in danger."

Hope sighed, "We may live here but that doesn't mean we answer to you."

Giles snapped at her. "Then you put my girls at danger and it's time for you to go."

Hope nodded angry and bitter. "I'll make arrangements and we will be gone by weeks end."

Giles nodded and looked to the girl's slayers and witches a like. "All of you have other places you belong. I suggest you get there."

One by one the girls left and Xander looked to Giles. "But Beck is behind this you have to."

Giles interrupted. "I'm sorry Xander but unless you have something more substantial than a package I can't back your claim."

Xander shook his head angry "I am right on this Giles. You are going to regret going against me." With that he turned walking away. "

Xander bit his lip angry drawing blood. He stormed past all of them going to his room. He searched the room for a duffle bag and started tossing some clothes in it. He grabbed a few essential and zipped it up. He was just about to pick it up to leave when there was a knock at his door. He flung the door open angry. Standing in his doorway was Buffy Summers.

"Hey Xander."

"Buffy."

"I thought you could use a friend?"

"Guess you saw what went down."

She nodded and stepped inside. "Pretty sure people in Utah saw what went down."

"If you have come to try to talk sense in me, save your breath."

"Like I said I am here cause you need a friend."

"Buffy I can't be here right now. I can't do this again."

"Again?"

"Once upon a time I played the guy who everyone disregarded. I won't do it again. They don't want to listen. They don't want to take my advice than they don't want me."

"You're quitting?"

"I have to get away for a few days. I have battle plans done for the night and I'll email the rest to you on a daily basis."

"Xander just sit for a minute."

He started pacing. "Probably won't be long till Giles starts to question my battle plans so I don't know how much longer I'll be able to help you with that."

"Xander stop."

"Sure he trust me to hang some dry wall or run some electrical but let's face it anything with real trust and it doesn't matter."

Buffy stood up and walked to Xander "Stop and just listen."

He took a deep breath. "I feel like I'm losing it Buff."

"I know it's hard and I wish I had some magic words to make it better but this isn't about you. I trust you with my life Xander and nothing will change that. So does Giles and Willow and just about every girl in this compound."

"Than why does Giles?"

She interrupted and put her hand on top of his. "What do you say we get out of here? You need a friend and being cooped up here like this isn't good for any of us."

"But patrol?"

"Faith can lead tonight. I already talked to her."

He was about to object but stopped. "Fine but let's find some where that I can get a drink."

On the outskirts of town Ethan Rayne was going over the plans one last time with the warlocks and witches under his command. They were all gathered in a ratty hotel room waiting command. "The protection charms and wards the girls have planted through out the school will be rendered useless once inside. We go in using the cover of darkness."

A short woman of blonde spikey hair raised her hand. "How can you be sure?"

"Beck Travers is working from the inside. Once we are in the building I will call upon Janus. You all will act as any protection to anyone who has any ideas of interrupting my spell. Every magical being with in a five mile radius will be following our commands by nights end."

The blonde girl once again raised her hand. "Won't they see us coming."

Ethan smiled the same sleazy smile he always wore. "He's pulling all power on the compound. The lights won't be powered so they'll never see us coming." Ethan looked at his watch. "Alright boys and girls about time to load up. Everyone remember to go the bathroom before you leave, always use please and thank you and were on the buddy system so hold hands." He laughed smelling victory in his grasp.

Ethan and his crew pulled up ½ a mile from the compound. Everyone got out walking on foot from there. The school could be seen from a distance and when they approached the backside of the school Ethan checked his watch. Like clock work the entire compound went dark.

Ethan turned whispering to them. "Boys and Girls I shall lead you to the promise land." He quickly started running to the school and found the boiler room door where the blueprint said it was. He put his hand on the knob to find it unlocked. He smiled knowing Beck had planned everything.

Ethan held the door open as they came running in to school. As the last member of his coven ran in he followed him close behind. The blue prints told them the directions they needed to go but the darkness still made it hard to find the way.

They ran through the hall and came to heavy set of fire doors. They pushed it open and filed in to the auditorium. Ethan was the last one through the door and as he stepped through it slammed closed behind him.

Suddenly blinded by light as the stage lights from Ethan spun around surprised. "What in the bloody hell is going on?"

Giles stood in between the aisles of the seats his arms crossed shaking his head. "Ethan you have a mystical pain in my ass for far too long and that ends today."

Ethan laughed at him. "Ripper is that you? Turn these damn lights down I can't see a thing."

"You don't call the shot here. Not in my house."

"Fine have it your way." He raised his finger pointing at the lights and said a simple Latin incantation to shatter the bulbs. Only problem was it didn't work. The lights remained on and in tact. So he tried again with the same results.

Beck came though the double doors at the top of the auditorium. "You can try using your magic Ethan but I think you'll find the ward your standing on is quite powerful."

Ethan's eyes flashed to the stage floor all of them were standing on. A black symbol painted on the stage glowed with power and Ethan recognized it immediately. For all the power the witches and warlocks on stage possessed it was useless. Ethan looked at the blue prints he had in his hand and realized Beck had walked him right in to a trap. He dropped them to the floor. "You set me up?"

Beck crossed his arms. "It's over Ethan."

Ethan's hands shook in rage. "You were with us at the attack in England. It was your plan that."

Hope who was standing in the balcony with the coven fielded that question. "He's the reason your plan didn't go as expected. He gave me a call and warning and because of him I was able to get everyone out on time."

Ethan glared at Beck. "You are a liar and a traitor and." Ethan knew the only chance he had was getting off of the stage and off the symbol. He made a quick lunge for the edge but the coven in the balcony was to fast. An barrier went up keeping everyone on stage and in place."

Ethan fell to the floor feeling trapped. "That is pretty good ward you got to work."

Hope smiled happy. "I'm glad you enjoy it."

Ethan reached in to his pocket taking out his phone. "Still all the same any one worth a lick always has a back up plan in place." He pushed a button and sent a text.

Giles stepped closer to the stage. "Ethan you are so predictable."

"Predictable. Really?"

Giles stepped with a foot of him standing at the edge of the stage. "You paid or tricked some stupid group of vampires or demons or something to infiltrate the compound in case your first plan fell through."

Ethan laughed "And any second they'll come barreling in here and."

Beck rolled his eyes. "You know the things about the slayers being in Canton."

Giles took out a radio from his breast pocket. "Faith what is the status?"

Faith voice came across the radio. "We killed most of them already and the girls have the others on the run."

Ethan sighed knowing it was done. He picked himself up off the ground and straightened his clothes. He glared at Hope angry. "So what is your plan? You can't kill me, it's against your code and you can't keep us here on this stage forever and once we are out of here."

Hope nodded and sighed. "I can't kill you. It would make me no better then you but I can stop you for good." She turned her back toward him walking away as her coven started chanting. Ethan heard the words and knew what they were doing. Willow stood next to the coven in the balcony helping her sister witches. They were binding and stripping their powers so they would be a threat no more.

They all ran at the barrier pounding and kicking desperately trying anything that would set them free. In the end it would be for not. When it was done they lowered the barrier and had a team of slayers on hand for containment.

The police were waiting for them at the front gate. Giles explained to the authorities they had broken in to the school. The weapons found on them would be enough to put them away for a while. Giles, Hope and Beck stood at the gate watching.

Ethan who normally was so calm and cool was foaming at the mouth in anger. "You think this is over you 3. Nothing is over. I will find people. I will teach and I will show them how to destroy each and every one of you."

Giles shook his head as Ethan was put in the squad car. "I am really going to miss him."

Beck laughed, "I think all things considered that went fairly well."

Hope sighed "Not all things."

Giles knew what it was she was talking of. "I'll tell Buffy to bring him to the library and we can explain."

An hour later a drunk Xander was being helped in to the library by Buffy. His words were slurred and he was obviously emotional. "I don't know why we have to come back to the stupid library I was having fun."

Buffy shook her head. "Just stop talking Xander."

As he walked in he saw the three of them sitting at the table. "Oh look it's two Brits and witch." He laughed a little at his own joke.

Giles sighed and stood up. "Xander there is an explanation for everything"

"I don't want to hear it British man. You are like my dad man. I love you and you pick British prick boy over me. You side with him."

Giles looked at Buffy. "Why did you let him drink so much?"

Buffy shrugged. "He's a grown man and he was angry."

Hope stood up and shook her head she walked to Xander and took his hand. She looked in his eyes and said one word. "Sober." Instantly Xander went from 3 sheets to the wind to a preacher on Sunday. "Now we can talk."

Xander pulled his hand away from Hope "I don't think I have anything to say to you. Besides Buffy told me your whole secret double agent plan. Turns out everyone knew about it. Everyone but me."

Beck shook his head. "Very few people knew about it. At first it was just Giles"

Hope nodded confirming Beck's words. "It's true Xander. We told Giles after we were attacked in England. We needed Buffy to get the Slayers ready and in place so she knew. Most of the coven didn't know what was happening until 3 hours ago. I wasn't sure who we could trust so I kept it tight."

The words stung Xander as she said them. "And you couldn't trust me."

Beck shook his head. "You can't blame Hope. That part was my idea." He stepped closer to Xander. "I needed Ethan to trust me. He was not just watching the cameras in the school but he was watching everywhere."

Hope once again put her hand on Xander's arm. "We needed Ethan to think that he was making a house divided."

Giles sighed. "So we all played our part outside today. Ethan was watching everything start to finish."

Xander shook his head. "You could have told me. I could have done everything I did out there."

Beck laughed. "I'm sorry Xander but no you couldn't. The way you attacked me in the yard was pure rage. You can't act that. You can't fake that. When you were on top of me choking me out I suddenly questioned if this was a good plan. I thought you were going to kill me. I'm just glad Faith was close."

Xander sighed and looked down. "So Faith was in on it to?"

Giles shook his head. "No that was just a really fortunate bit of business." He looked at Xander. "Our plan was a success but it seems in the process we've opened some old wounds." He put his hand on Xander's shoulder. "I am not only proud to call you a friend but in the field there is no ones advice I trust more."

Beck sat back down. "That is why we picked you. If Hope had received a package in front of anyone else they wouldn't have back tracked it the way you did. We needed someone who wouldn't let it go. That should tell you they know you aren't like everyone else."

Hope stepped in front of him locking eyes with him. "I also needed someone who I could trust to do what is right. I asked you to keep secret something that shouldn't have been. You chose the safety of the group over everything else cause it was the right thing. You always do what is right."

"Hope I."

"I know what I did was a really hard pill to swallow for any couple much less a couple just starting out but I still want to be with you. I hope that what I did today didn't' wreck that."

He closed his eyes angry and shook his head. He was going to light in to her. He looked up in to her blue eyes and suddenly realized he couldn't. He took a calming breath and sighed. "I understand Hope and I forgive you." He put his hand on top of hers. "For future reference this is not good relationship building stuff."

Hope smiled beamed and hugged him. "So you forgive me?"

Xander laughed a little. "Fine forgiveness all around. Forgiveness for Buffy and Giles and" He looked at Beck and pulled back. He just stopped. "I think it's been a long night."

The tension in the room between Xander and Beck was obvious. Hope figured that could be addressed another day. She weaved her fingers in between Xander's. "Walk me to my room?"

He did as she requested holding her hand taking him to the room. For her part Hope promised Xander that from here out she would hold no more secrets from him. She could tell she came with in a breath of losing Xander and didn't want to take any more chances.

She asked if he wanted to stay with her that night but Xander felt it best he sleep in his own bed. As his body dragged back to his room he found Beck sitting at his door.

Xander shook his head. "Get out of my way. I am tired and I want to go to bed."

Beck stood up. "Bed can wait 10 minutes."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"I'll make you an offer you can't refuse."

"So you are the Godfather now?"

"Give me 10 minutes to listen what I have to say. "

"What's in it for me?"

"I'll leave the school for good and never look back if you decide that is still what you want."

Xander smirked a little. "Really?"

"I give my word." He stuck out his hand to shake.

"Deal."

"Okay but not here. Let's go outside I don't want everyone hearing."

"It's your 10 minutes."

Beck led the way to the middle of quad. There were a few picnic benches that the girls often ate lunch at. Beck sat down and Xander was on the opposite side. "This place should work nicely."

"10 minutes start." He looked at his watch. "Now."

Beck sighed. "When I first came here of all the people I thought I would be able to connect with I really thought you would be the one."

"Are you coming on to me?"

"I'm straight I'll have you know."

"9 minutes 45 seconds."

"Anyways I actually felt like you and I had the most in common."

"We have nothing in common."

"It probably wouldn't come as a shock to you if I said my father had a file probably 6 inches thick on Buffy Summers."

"No it wouldn't."

"What might surprise you though is that he had files on everyone."

"Not really that surprised."

"Over the years they would get thicker. My father always seemed to focus a lot on Willow especially after she started studying magic. Did the same thing for Spike and Angel."

"Not shocking stuff here."

"You had a file too." Xander rolled his eyes. "My father never spent much time reading yours. He found you uninteresting."

"Wow I'm hurt."

"See that is where I am not my father. I found your info to be the most interesting."

"Is that why you wanted these 10 minutes? You wanted to blow smoke up my ass."

"It isn't about that at all. It's the truth. When my father told me I had to become a watcher to carry on the family tradition. I wanted to model my style after you."

"Because of you Buffy Summers is the longest living slayer. You didn't have years of training or knowledge on demonology but you still got it done. You were the watcher I wanted to be."  
"I'm not a watcher."

"Not in the traditional sense."

"Are you done yet?"

"It was funny my father did speak of you once. He called you an inconsequential player.I told him to look at the things you've done. Then he spoke of your lineage." He laughed and shook his head. "With a drink in his hand he spoke of your alcoholic parents and how greatness can't be born of such means."

"Your father was a dick. What's the point of all this."

"You really don't see it?" He shook his head. "England or the United States, rich or poor, these are surface difference at the core we are cut from the same cloth."

"I'm done here." Xander stood up ready to go

"You promised me 10 minutes." He looked at him and Xander sat back down. "Like I said I read your file. There was stuff in there." He shook his head. "I know your dad used to call you things like worthless or useless. He was an emotionally abusive bastard. It wasn't just emotional though. Your dad hit you."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"My father hit me." Beck looked down at the table. "He didn't need to be drunk though to do it. If I didn't perform my watcher training the way he expected he would hit me. If he didn't do it he would have someone else do it and call it training."

"So both our dads were sons of bitches. That doesn't make us the same."

"Then it occurred to me the reason you hate me is because you see yourself in me. You hate your dad so much. You are afraid that you are going to become him."

"I am not my father."

"That is obvious. You can't see that though. So if you can't see it in yourself I know you can't see it in me."

"Your dad was." Xander stood up turning his back. He knew the words Beck spoke were right. Beck hadn't done anything to deserve his wrath. Everything he blamed him for was someone he wasn't.

Xander thought back to his own father. Xander had taken the deliberate path to avoid being his father. The idea of Buffy or Willow ever looking at him with mistrust because of some of the things his father did would kill him. Yet here he was doing it to Beck.

"Xander you don't want to be judged for the sins of your father and I get that. Trust me I get it. I am just asking for the same courtesy."

Xander shook his head and looked up at the moon for a second. He turned around and looked at Beck. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"From here out I judge you for what you do. Your Father isn't connected to any of it."

He stuck out his hand looking for a handshake. "Thank you."

Xander took his hand shaking it. He let go of the grip then started walking in to the school. Xander had a smirk on his face. "Not that it matters cause you have to go anyways."

Beck walked behind him. "Go?"

"We had a deal 10 minutes and if I don't want you here you'll go."

Beck laughed "So you don't want me here now."

"Hell no. I don't need another guy living here cramping my style."

"Well tough luck cause I had my fingers crossed."

Xander opened the door and looked at Beck. "You know this doesn't make us friends."

"Perish the thought."

"Just two dudes fighting the forces of darkness along side hot chicks."

"Amen to that."


	27. Fragments of me 27

Hope held Xander's hand as they walked through the park. Each of them had their own ice cream cone. Hope got a double scoop On the bottom she got cake batter and on top of that was strawberry cheesecake. Xander was content with a simple scoop of rocky road.

It was a cool day but still comfortable. The leaves were just starting to change and you couldn't have picked a better day for a walk in the park. Hope just smiled at Xander. "I'm glad we did this. I was starting to feel" she took a second to think about her words but Xander already knew them

"Cooped up?"

"Exactly. I mean don't get me wrong the school is nice and all but I am in this place where I need to get away from everything."

"Even for just a few hours."

"Don't get me wrong I love the girls and they are my sisters but they come to me for everything. Hope I need help with an enchantment, Hope I can't find my charm, Hope I need to be an eternal pain in the ass and ask you for help with every little thing I can do for myself."

Xander licked the cone and just chuckled. "I used to feel the same way. I mean every time I turned around there was a girl who was telling me she needed some repair done."

"What did you do?"

"Honestly I spent a good part of the first month going nuts but then." He smiled and took a lick from the cone. "I found a place in the school. It's my hidden place. I don't tell the slayers about it. Only a few people I trust know where it is. That way when I need some where to escape I got it."

"A secret place? That's not a bad idea. So where is your secret place."

He arched his eyebrows looking at her. "Pashaw like I'm going to tell you."

"Oh come on you show me where it is and I'll." She thought for a second. "Give you something sweet."

He looked at her cone. "I have my own ice cone."

"I wasn't talking ice cream." She stepped on her tiptoes and moved in giving him a sweet soft kiss.

He smiled kissing her back as she pulled away he blurted out. "My hiding place is the south roof over looking the play ground."

She laughed and took his hand again walking. "You would make a terrible spy. You'd spill all your secrets."

"Yeah but at least I'd die happy."

She laughed and kept walking with him hand in hand. "There is one person I am a little surprised I haven't heard back from."

"Who?'

"Buffy came to me 3 weeks ago and we just talked some stuff out."

"Stuff?"

Hope bit her lip. "Please don't ask to much. Buffy came to me cause she trusted me and I shouldn't have said anything to begin with."

"Maybe I should talk to her."

"Xander I know you want to protect her but some things she has to come to the answer on her own."

He nibbled the cone and nodded. "I guess you are right."

"You of all people know how strong she is."

Back at the school Buffy was running in the parking lot the circled the school. She had been running for 3 hours trying to push her body to exhaustion. If she was to tired to move maybe her brain would shut down and finally give her the peace she craved.

Spike could see her from the window and could tell something was wrong. This wasn't a healthy morning jog this was pushing your body harder then even a slayer should go. She ran faster and faster and kept this up for another hour. 2 hours later her body lost the battle. She could feel her legs give out and pushed towards the grass hoping for a soft landing rather then the hard concrete.

She just laid on the grass her lungs feeling ready to explode. She started in to the sky. The blue sky that colored the horizon when she started running was pink with hues of purple welcoming the evening.

Finally Spike knew it was safe enough to come outside and he walked over to Buffy lying in the grass. He stood over her. "Trying out for a marathon?"

Buffy was to tired to move. She just glanced at Spike and laid on the ground. "Maybe I am, what's it to you?"

"And there is that slayer charm we all know and love."

"Spike not now."

"Look I saw you and I want to help." He stepped closer to her standing over her. He extended his hand offering to help her up.

"Spike" She sighed and took his hand as he pulled her up to his feet. As she touched him her mind was suddenly filled with an image.

They were at a school and Spike was standing in the daylight. He and Buffy were fighting.

_"Getting tired Slayer?"_

Just then Xander came charging in to help as Spike punched him and tossed him against the building like a sack of potatoes. Buffy looked at Xander afraid for his well-being.

_"Xander get out of here."_

_ "So you let Parker take a poke, eh? Didn't seem like you knew each other that well. What did it take to pry apart the slayers dimpled knees?"_

_ "You're a pig Spike" At that point Spike jumped kicking Buffy down once again._

_ "Did he play the sensitive lad" Get you to seduce him? That's a good trick if the girl is thick enough to buy it." _

The vision filled Buffy's mind and she lost control pulling her hand out of Spike's and punched him square in the jaw. She quickly looked around and realized that it was just another memory haunting her. Spike fell like a ton of bricks holding his nose.

"What the hell?"

"Spike I." She had no answer instead she just ran in to the school. She used her last bit of energy to carry her in to the school and ran in to her room. She slammed the door shut and slid down it slowly. She closed her eyes and buried her head between her knees. She breathed harder and harder just praying the memories would stop.

She remained still till she eventually passed out asleep. As she dreamed she found herself in the Sunnydale School Library. Buffy jumped up on the table. "I know you are here. I know you are watching. I am done with this. Come out here now. This is your last chance. Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Buffy heard the hinges squeak as Giles office door opened. Buffy's doppelganger came through the door sighing. "A little dramatic isn't it. I mean the whole calling me out thing?"

Buffy jumped off the table and crossed to her. "I don't know if you are doing this to me to show that you are better or stronger or what but stop it. I don't want your life."

She shook her head. "I'm not doing this to you. I can't control what comes. If I could protect you believe me I would."

"It doesn't matter cause this is over. I give up."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I tried. I tried to deal with all of it and it's killing me."

"You are going to Hope."

"I didn't want to. I get the idea of the importance of the past and knowing who you are. Who you really are. I am better off with out these things in my head. Everyone is better off. So I'm getting rid of them for good."

The other Buffy suddenly looked afraid. "Please I am begging you don't do that."

"I know you are. I know you are pissed cause taking away the memories takes you away but I can't do this."

"This isn't just about me. It's not just about you."

"Then what is it about?"

"I've lost so many people. I lost my mom and I lost my friends and I lost people I love." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "All I have left of them are my memories. If you take them from me."

"There won't be a you. I know that is cold but this is how it has to be."

"Then think about what it is you are doing. Yeah we have a bunch of memories that would make Stephen King cringe but we also have good things."

"The few good memories aren't worth the bad."

"Yes they are. " She stepped a little closer to her. "I want to show you one more thing." Buffy flinched a little as her twin reached for her head touching it. She was showing her one more thing.

_"The whole world in front of her and she comes back to this dive."_ She didn't need to turn around to know the voice. She quickly spun around and wrapped her arms around him.

_"XANDER!"_

_ "Hey Buff."_

_ "When did you get back?"_

_ "Last week."_

_ "You freak of nature. Why didn't you call me?"_

_ "Well I know you guys were starting the whole college adventure and I didn't want to you know… help you move."_

_ "I missed you. How was your trip? Is America nice? I hear it's nice."_

_ "There's some purple mountain majesty, I'm going to have to say."_

_ "What did you do? What did you see?"_

_ "Well."_

_ "Tell me."_

_ "Grand Canyon."_

_ "You saw the Grand Canyon?"_

_ "Well I saw the movie Grand Canyon on Cable. Really lame."_

_ "Huh"_

_ "Basically I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car and that was literally. So I ended up washing dishes at The Fabulous Ladies night club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents where everything is exactly the same except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?"_

_ "Male strippers?"_

_ "No power on this earth."_

_ "Ok. College is good."_

_ "Ok once more with even less feeling."_

_ "No really Willows in heaven and Oz has this really cool house off campus with the band." _Buffy sat on the couch behind her as Xander slid in next to her.

_"And you are sitting here alone at the bronze looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy."_

_ "It's just… There was a vampire, and she took me down, and I just. I don't know how to stop her."_

_ "Then where's the gang. Avengers assemble, lets get it started."_

_ "I don't want to bug them. They are just starting school and they don't need this."_

_ "Okay Buff, what's the what here?"_

_ It's just, what if I can't cut it?"_

_ "Can't cut what? Slaying?"_

_ "Slaying, everything."_

_ "Buff this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger, anger lead to hate, hate leads to anger. No wait hold on. Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side, Hold on umm no umm, First you get the women, then you get the money then you get the…,Okay we can forget that."_

_ "Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much better now."_

_ "The point is you're Buffy."_

_ "Yeah maybe in high school I was Buffy."_

_ "And now in college your Betty Louise?"_

_ "Yeah I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake Illinois. Or I might as well be." _

Xander had heard enough. He pulled himself up off the couch and crouched in front of Buffy so he could look her in the eyes so she would know he meant what he said. _"Buffy I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at the Fabulous Ladies night club. Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, What would Buffy do? You're my hero. Okay sometimes when it's dark and I'm alone I think what is Buffy wearing?"_

_ "Can that be one of those things you never ever tell me about?"_

_ "It's a deal." _He stood on his feet and extended his hand to Buffy. _ "Let's put this bitch in the ground! What do you say?"_

She pulled herself up holding his hand and smiled. He had brought her the light she needed when she needed it most. She took a breath and looked at him. _"I think I say thank you."_

Just like with Spike the memory flooded Buffy's mind but this time it was different. She didn't feel terror. What she felt was a warm feeling her chest. She couldn't hide her smile. She looked at her twin that stood in front of her. "I'm his hero?"

"That is just one of a thousand memories I hold very close and I don't want to lose them please."

Buffy opened her mouth to say something but stopped. "I am," She closed her eyes and shook her head "I'm not strong enough."

"The thing I love most about you is that you have carved your own way. You don't stand-alone and you don't have to. You can go to Giles or Willow or Dawn or Spike or Xander or anyone. Just do what you've been doing. They will help you through this."

She didn't have to say anything. She knew she couldn't destroy the memories. She just nodded her head. "You win. I'll deal with this."

"There isn't a win or lose here."

"You should be happy. As fast as the memories are coming back you should be back in charge soon and I will be nothing but a memory."

"I don't think it works that way."

"You don't?"

"I'm not sure. I know when it's time we can figure it out together."

And with that Buffy opened her eyes. She looked around her bedroom and slowly opened the door. She stepped in to the hallway and walked. She walked with a destination in mind. Buffy stepped inside the office and cleared her throat.

Giles turned around and saw Buffy "Oh Hello Buffy. I wasn't expecting you today."

She nodded. "This isn't me coming to you in a slayer capacity. See Giles I need help. I"

Giles stepped to Buffy a look of concern on his face. "Buffy?"

"See my memories are starting to come back."

"What do you remember?"

"It's like flashes of things. I don't know when they are coming."

"What kind of things do these flashes show you?"

"Lately it's been terrifying things. I saw my mother die, I saw myself die. "

"Dear lord Buffy."

"I'm coming to you and anyone else who can help me with this."

Giles wrapped his arms around Buffy hugging her. "We will work through all of this. Together."


	28. Fragments of me 28

Spike sat in the cafeteria. It was four in the morning and he was nursing a cup of hot chocolate along with Buffy. Spike looked in to his coco. "So I know your memories have been coming back and not all of them are good."

"Spike about the field. I shouldn't have punched you. It's just when you reached out I had this vision and."

"You just reacted." He took a sip. "If you don't mind me asking what was the memory?"

"I was at college and you were outside some how. We were fighting and you made some crude comments."

Spike made a pained face. "The Gem of Amara." He laughed awkwardly. "To be honest it's not even one of my worst moments."

"Spike I know you have done horrible things but I also know you're working on redemption. I have seen people I love do horrible things. I have seen myself do things that I wish I could change."

"Really?"

"At one point I tied my friends up in the basement and thought I had to kill them in order to escape. So I don't have a lot of room to throw out judgment."

"All the same Buffy I am sorry and if I could change things."

"Spike it's not just the bad I see. I mean I saw you closing the Hellmouth. That counts for something. I just wish the nightmares when they came weren't quite so terrifying "

"You know I've been thinking about that. I am sure that the things you are seeing are scary. I get it. You are here though. Do you know what that means?"

"More nightmares to come."

Spike punched her shoulder playfully. "Hell no it means that all that stuff rambling around in your brain wasn't bad enough to stop you. You are Buffy Summers and you are still standing. The world has sent the worst it has to your doorstep and you have made it your bitch. So if that couldn't hurt you what can some silly memories do?"

Buffy smiled a little. "I guess I never looked at it that way." She lifted her coco up to her mouth and took a sip. "I'm still here."

"Damn right you are."

Buffy took the last sip of her coco and put the cup down. "Spike thank you. I think I am going to get some sleep."

"Just glad I could help."

As Buffy walked away Spike grabbed the empty cups taking them to the dishwasher. His cell phone rang out and the caller id told him who it was.

"Angel long time no see."

"Yeah well I am heading back Spike."

"Oh don't feel the need to rush back on my account. I mean I am holding up just fine here."

"Spike stop. I am calling to give you a heads up. I should be back at the school tomorrow night but while I'm travelling I need a favor."

"Of course you do. What is it?"

"I need you to get on the phone and start tracking down Charles Gunn, Lorne and Illyria."

"How the hell am I supposed to find them?"

"Talk to one of the witches in the compound they should be able to track Illyria's energy signature, I have Gunn's number in my address book and you have Lorne's number."

"What am I telling them?"

"Tell them we need them in Cleveland asap."

"Apocalypse?"

"Isn't it always?"

"Fun fun. Should I tell Buffy?"

"Just get everyone together and I will explain tomorrow night."

"See ya then."

"Thank you Spike." He hung up the phone and shook his head. "Never a days rest."

Buffy was just getting to her room and tip toed in not wanting to wake Dawn up. The talk with Spike had helped put her mind at ease. It seemed since she opened the door for help everyone had stepped up. She could share what she was feeling or what she saw and her friends just held her hand or hugged her or did what ever was needed to help Buffy through the pain. She knew now no matter what memories may come she would stand victorious over any pain.

Dawn laid there her eyes closed but not sleeping. "You aren't going to wake me up."

"So you are just lying there?'

"I always have trouble sleeping till I know you are back and safe from patrol."

A twinge of guilt went through Buffy. "Dawn I was back 2 hours ago. I wish I'd known."

"Its okay." She turned on her side looking at her sister. "Anything fun?"

"Patrol was pretty basic. I needed someone to talk to about a few things and Spike had a willing ear."

"It's nice you are letting him in."

Buffy yawned getting changed in to her PJ's "He offers some interesting perspective." Buffy crawled in to the tiny bed on the other side of the room. "Well I am exhausted.

"Sweet dreams Buffy."

"You to Dawn."

As she fell asleep she dreamed. She found herself in a graveyard. It seemed familiar but then again most graveyards were familiar to her. She didn't have to turn around to know she was there. She was always there.

Her former self cleared her throat. "Yet another graveyard we are once again in."

She just nodded. "This one seems familiar."

"It should. This is where it all started."

"What?"

"This is where you were born?"

"Huh?"

"Not literally of course."

Then it came to her. They were in the graveyard Xander found her in all those months ago. She took a few steps in wanting to examine. "Why am I here?"

"I think I have one more lesson to teach you. Then you'll know everything?"

"Everything. You mean like the secrets of the universe?"

She rolled her eyes. "Let me rephrase that. After this you will know everything that I know."

"So this is where it started?"

"In some ways yes. In others this night was an inevitability that was bound to happen sooner or later."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean for a while I was reckless. I did what I felt was best cause lets face it you can't tell Buffy Summer anything. I mean I did things my way and to hell with what anyone else had to say."

"Being a little hard on yourself?"

"Not really. I mean even this night I had the Pilates demon where I wanted so many times. I could have killed him with little to no effort but I played with him. I played with something dangerous and in the end could have lost everything."

Just then the large orange Pilates demon came limping and running through the graveyard. Buffy backed up a little wanting to get a foothold on the situation. She stood next to her twin. "So what happens next?"

"You'll see." And as scheduled yet another Buffy came running in to the graveyard.

"This is when it happened? I'm going to get to see."

The old Buffy just watched the scene unfold. She watched angry. "I told Xander that night we were going to patrol together. Of course I am Buffy I do things my way."

Just like the original history Buffy threw the dagger once again in to the Pilates Demon and the Demon once again raised his arms gassing her. The two Buffy's watched the scene unfold.

The Elder Buffy looked at her twin and took her hand. "Come on let's get a closer look."

They watched as the Demon pulled the knife out and hobbled away. "So you said after this I'll remember everything?"

"I think so."

"Does that mean that you are taking back over?"

"I don't think it has to be that way." She looked down at the motionless Buffy who lay on the grass. "You aren't her and you aren't me but maybe."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe we can learn from each other. Maybe it doesn't have to be just you or just me. Maybe it's us."

"Awful lot of maybes in there."

She laughed and shrugged "Never claimed to have all of the answers." She fidgeted with her fingers. "This is going to be our last chance to talk so I want to thank you."

"Thank me for what?"

"Taking care of everything while I was out. It couldn't have been easy but you handled it very well."

"It wasn't easy."

"You taught me a lot too."

"So how does this happen? I mean do I chant something or burn some stinky sage or speak some latin."

She laughed and shook her head. "No you just wake up."

"I just wake up. That will never work. You have to be kidd" But she was interrupted as it felt like she was pulled away The only thing she could relate it to was being dragged backwards at speed of light through a tunnel. The sides of the tunnels like giant television screens playing out all a lifetime of memories. She was dragged back further and further and feeling like it would never end and then suddenly it stopped.

A deep gasp of air and Buffy was awake. She sat straight up in her bed. Her eyes were wide as pancakes and she just whispered "Wow."


	29. Fragments of me 29

It was a lazy Sunday morning in the library. Willow was researching a spell while Xander was drawing up blue prints for the room the room he was building as a lounge for the girls and a memorial to Noxi. He took a break for a few minutes to catch up with his oldest friend. "I'm telling you Willow I have stared in the eyes of some truly frightening things but this was a whole different level. I've never seen anything in all of my life consume just so much and come back for more. It was like everything you could throw at it was a joke."

Willow nodded but wasn't that surprised. "I've heard Hope can eat like no ones business."

"She actually passed the eating challenge at the steak house and when she was done I swear she started eyeing my dessert."

"I've heard the rumors but have never actually seen it."

"The owner actually told Hope that she couldn't ever do the contest again. Something about it being to easy for her and losing to much money"

Willow just laughed, "Man Xander I am so glad to see that you are finally out there again."

"Was I ever in there?"

"You know what I mean. After Anya died you did crawl into a hole and we weren't sure you would ever come back out."

"Well I think of what Anya would want if she was here."

"What did you come up with?"

"She'd want me to spend the remainder of my days in a shallow sad state as an eternal tribute to what was the Xander Anya love cycle."

Again Willow couldn't help but laugh. She thought of Anya and knew there was a certain amount of truth to Xander's statement. "Really"

"But on a deeper level I know that she loved me and she would want me to find my happiness. "

'If it helps at all I give my full seal of approval to you and Hope."

"Well that's good cause I don't like to anything with out the stamp that says certified Rosenberg."

"Can you be serious for one moment."

"First time for everything."

"Listen I'm just saying I know Hope and I think she can bring a certain amount of sunshine in your life."

"Doesn't hurt the fact that she is a smoking hot?'

"Not going to lie Xander if she swung that way I think I would have beat you to putting the moves on her. "A small smile crept on Xander's face as he visualized what that might have looked like. Willow could see the wicked smile. "You are visualizing me with your girlfriend right now aren't you?"

"Little bit yep."

"You are such a pervert." With that Xander went back to drawing up the plans for the room. He had designed a place for laptop stations, a place with flat screen televisions hooked up to video games, he saw pinball machines and wifi hot spots. He wanted to create a place where the slayers could feel comfortable and at home.

When it was announced that the lounge would be built and dedicated to Noxi's memory several of the girls volunteered there time to help build The more cynical might say they were doing so because they liked the idea of a lounge but Xander knew better. Noxi had inspired the girls and they wanted to have a part to be a part to honor the fallen slayer.

Buffy was sitting in her room meditating. She sat on her bed reaching to the recesses to her mind. She had been doing this more and more lately wanting to find the balance of where the old Buffy ended and she began. She visualized herself in a happy place. She saw herself in the Bronze and was sitting across the table from the old Buffy. She was dressed in her classic jean jacket with her hair pulled back.

"You can't honestly tell me I thought the jean jacket was a good look. What is this 1987?"

"Hey this was hot when I wore it."

She shook her head not believing her. "Not buying it."

The classic Buffy listened to the music playing and smiled. "This was one of my favorite places back in Sunnydale."

"I know."

"Yes you do."

Buffy looked at the dance floor. She visualized her friends there. Spike and Angel were arguing in the background while Xander danced playfully with Dawn and Willow swayed to the music. "I haven't told them yet."

"You are afraid?"

"Well they know I am remembering. I haven't told anyone I got it all back. Once they know I remember who I am they'll want me to be you. They'll expect me to be you"

"And we have established how much you absolutely hate the idea of being me."

"I am you and you are me. It sounds like some new agey spiritual mantra but it's the truth.

"So you realize the magical reset button isn't coming. I'm not going to wake up and suddenly take over."

"I know."

"I've learned a lot from you. The memories are…" She thought about her words "Insightful to who we really are?"

"So what is your next move?"

Buffy sighed. "I'm going to call immediate family together first," She looked at the people around her. "I'm going to tell them first. Then I'll tell the slayers next."

"You'll be okay."

"No we will be okay." She reached across the table taking her hand. "See ya around." With that Buffy opened her eyes. Gone was the Bronze and the music. She took a deep breath and stood up off of her bed.

Dawn had just walked in to the room grabbing her hoodie. "Hey Buffy. You meditating again?"

She nodded. "I'm done now though." She stood up and crossed the room to your sister. "Dawn I need to talk to you."

"What's up?"

"Not now. I am hoping everyone will meet me in the library. Say 2 hours."

Dawn looked at her skeptically. "Should I be worried?"

"No worry this is a good kind of meeting I promise."

One by one Buffy made her way around the school asking her friends to meet in the library. They all arrived as scheduled. Angel had just returned from his LA Trip. He had a look to his face that said he knew something was coming. When Buffy asked to meet with him he put it on the back burner.

Xander looked at Giles "So what do you think she's calling all of us here for."

Dawn interrupted "Maybe she is going to finally commit to it and become a nun."

Giles rolled his eyes "I find that highly unlikely."

Xander laughed and poked Dawn. "So if she were to come sister Buffy would that make her your sister sister."

Giles took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes "Dear lord Xander that was a terrible joke even by your standards."  
Spike came in arguing with Angel. "You are wrong Spike and just being ignorant?"

"I'm being ignorant? Please you are so bloody narrow minded you can't see past nose on your face."

"I'm CLOSEMINDED."

Willow stepped up and between them. "Whoa whoa calm down. What is going on with you two?"

Angel crossed his arms. "Spike actually believes in an all out fight that a Viking could stand any kind of chance against a Ninja."

The room fell silent for a second and then Xander looked at them. "Both of them have weapons?"

Spike nodded "Too right. Not that it would make a difference a wimpy samurai sword would crumble under a battle axe."

Angel shook his head. "The ninja would run the Viking through well before the battle axe ever gats raised."

Giles shook his head "Are we really arguing about this."

Xander nodded in agreement. "I agree. It's clear the Ninja would destroy the Viking."

Giles jaw dropped. "Like hell he would."

And like that the argument started as everyone took their side. Hope and Faith walked in and listened to the argument and thought it was too silly to par take in but some how they were drawn in Hope was speaking to the raw power of angry savage Viking and Faith said that Hagar the Horrible could never beat any of the Ninja turtles.

Buffy entered the library hearing the silly argument and stood there a confused look on her face After she could hear no more she yelled finally drawing the attention to her. "Ninja or Viking doesn't really matter. Slayer would slaughter either of them, now if we can call this argument done."

The room quickly fell silent and everyone found a chair. Angel offered a weak smile to Buffy. "Good to see you again."

"Welcome back Angel."

Dawn smiled at her sister impatient to know what is going on. "So you called all of us here. What is going on?"

Buffy put her hands on the back of her head pacing a bit. "What is going on? That is an excellent question. First I want to thank you guys, all of you. When I first lost my memory it was difficult and scary and I didn't know if I was going to be okay."

Willow smiled "Of course you would be okay. You are Buffy the queen of Okay."

She just smiled at the redhead. "Thanks Will. I have been through a lot. I remember at first wanting the memories to come back cause I felt lost in this place. Then when they did start coming back I was afraid. I was afraid because I didn't want to lose myself. Then when the bad times came." She sighed. "I wasn't sure at first what I should do when I started getting the really bad memories back. I didn't deal with it well. But I've learned a lot. I've learned that you don't have to deal with things any one certain way."

Buffy walked to the table and sat down looking at her hands. "The way I would have dealt with my pain a year ago was to shove it down and do my best to deal with it on my own but that way was so cold. It was so alone. A part of me was afraid when I came to you guys telling you I need help that you would tell me to deal with it."

Giles looked at Buffy. "Buffy we are a family and as such."

She shook her head interrupting. "I know that Giles. I've always known it but I thought being the slayer meant being alone and." She paused and chose her words. "When I had no memories or no idea of who I was I was forced to look to all of you for help. I needed each and every one of you. That is why I love all of you so much. When the memories got to be to much all of you were there for me."

Dawn looked at her sister. "So how many of your memories do you have back?"

Buffy looked up and paced as she explained. "I have them all now Dawn."

Angel cocked his head looking at her. "Does this mean the old Buffy is back?"

Buffy threw her head back and chuckled. "Angel I have learned so much recently about who I am." She looked down. "Not many of us get a chance to look at our lives from the outside looking in. I took a long look at who I was and some of those things I did." She grinned and paused. "They made me smile but then I saw other things. I pushed away the people who should matter most."

Spike looked up at Buffy. "Does that mean the old Buffy is gone?"

She shook her head. "It means that I've learned so much. I learned who I was and who I am and more importantly who it is I want to be."

Xander locked eyes with Buffy. "I'm still not sure who it is we are dealing with. Have I lost a drywall partner in favor of the girl who loved a good manicure?"

Dawn nodded and interrupted before Buffy could answer. "And what about the coffee. I mean the new you hated it and the old you."

Spike stood up interrupting now. "Screw coffee I think I want to know how you feel about a certain vampire."

Angel just glared at Spike "Or vampires."

Willow put her hands up. "Guys stop. You are going to break her on her first day back."

Buffy shook her head and laughed. "It's okay Will." She looked to Xander, "What you taught me Xander I am so grateful for. I feel like I have something I can do that helps to define me as something other then the slayer. So no you haven't lost a construction buddy. That doesn't mean I can't love a good manicure." She cleared her throat. "Now the old Buffy enjoyed something hot and dark in the morning to get her day going."

Spike raised his hand "The hot and dark is that about coffee or vampires."

Buffy laughed and shook her head. "Wouldn't you love to know." She stepped closer to the table and closer to all of them. "The question on all of your minds is am I the old Buffy or the new one and my answer to you is. Yes."

Giles looked at her confused. "Yes?'

"I am the girl who love chocolate brownie batter ice cream. I am the girl who knows how to pigtail electrical outlets off of each other. I am the girl who takes so much pride in my squad. I don't have to be one way or the other and I won't. I am the new and improved Buffy Summers."

Dawn crossed the room to her sister and hugged her tightly. "Old you or new you or super new you I don't care I am just glad you are okay." Buffy hugged her sister back. Willow and Xander unable to hold back any longer joined in on the group hug.

Spike and Angel just looked on as even Giles broke down taking part in the hug. Spike just grumbled to Angel. "Yeah vampires don't really uhm do the group hug thing."

Angel with the same awkwardness to his voice nodded in agreement. "Against vampire code."

Buffy laughed just soaking in the love from the people who loved her. "You guys have no idea how lucky I am to have all of you. How much I love all of you."

When the hug finally broke Buffy looked to the two vampires opening her arms. "Come you on you two." Spike smiled seeing his opportunity.

"Hell if Angel don't want it then I will take it." He stepped to Buffy hugging her, which made Angel's cold blood boil. He stepped to Buffy's other side and hugged her.

Buffy smiled at her two friends. "Thank you for bearing with me during the hard times. I know it couldn't have been easy."

Spike looked at her "Bollox Buffy."

Angel cleared his throat. "He is right. You are worth it. Which makes this next thing I have to say even harder."

A frown painted Buffy's face, "Don't tell me you are bringing bad news to the Good News party"

Angel sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry to do this but I kind of have to drop some news."

Buffy crossed to the table sitting down next to Giles. "So what's the what?"

Angel shook his head. "I went to Miami because I heard rumors. Rumors I prayed were false. When I was in Miami I met with a go between for the powers that be. Something bad is coming. It's really bad. It's a kind of evil I don't think any of us have ever faced."

Buffy laughed and shook her head. "Hello I faced Glory and the first Evil."

Angel sighed, "His name is Gormagon."

Giles swallowed a lump in his throat. "Gormagon was a myth or more of story."

Angel nodded stepping closer. "I thought so too but in 3 weeks time that Myth will be here."

Xander looked confused. "Here? Where is he now?"

Angel paced back and fourth. "The power that Gormagon processes is older then the demon itself."

Buffy looked confused. "How is that possible?"

Giles knew the answer here. He took off his glasses setting them on the table. "Because the power is inherited. The story goes he who slays Gormagon will inherit that power."

Angel picked up the story now. "But once every 10,000 years in order to keep the powers he has to pay a tribute. When the 10,000 years is up he is sent to a new dimension. He rules over that dimension until the 10,000 years are up. Generally by the time the 10,000 year passes there is nothing left of the dimension he is leaving. He is blood thirsty and savage and he is."

Buffy already knew the answer "He is heading here?"

Angel nodded "His 10,000 years is up in 3 weeks and then this dimension is the next one he will be coming to."

Willow pointed at Angel. "But you said something about a tribute."

Angel nodded. "When he arrives here he will be made mortal. He will be stripped of his powers until the time he can perform the renewal ceremony."

Xander got what he was saying. "So he could be killed."

Angel shook his head. "I'm not looking to kill him at least not at first. My plan is too contain him long enough. I've been told there is a way to disperse his power back in to the powers that be."

Spike looked on sitting on the edge of the table. "Why wouldn't one of us take the powers?"

Angel shook his head, "These powers are rooted in darkness. They are too much for anyone. The power Gormagon processes needs to be destroyed." He sighed "Which brings me to goodbye Buffy?"

She looked confused. "Good bye?'

Angel stepped closer. "Spike has already called Illyria and Gunn and I have few friends. If my team is going to beat this then we have to pack up and get on it now." He smiled at Buffy. "I just feel better leaving knowing that you are back at 100 percent at least."

Buffy stood up and shook her head. "Angel what the hell could you be thinking?"

Angel confused looked to her "I beg your pardon?'

"Angel weren't you listening to a word I was saying. My God these last few months I have learned so much. You know one of the most important things I've learned."

Angel shook his head. "Not a clue."

Buffy smiled stepping to him. "I've learned that we are so much stronger working together then we can ever be apart" Buffy stepped in front of the room. "Angel I have a vision."

Spike tilted his head confused. "Like a slayer vision."

Buffy shook her head. "It's not mystical or prophetic. It's" She sighed and chuckled "It's more of a mission statement. We've done the thing with you in LA and team Scooby in Sunnydale and it's worked but I think we can do better."

Dawn was confused now. "Better Buffy?"

"Angel I want you to listen to this" She stopped and turned her focus scanning the room till she found Hope. "Hope come up here please. This goes for you also."

Hope had an unsure look to her face but didn't question Buffy as she made her way to the front of the room. "What does this have to do with me?"

Buffy took Hope's hand. "You and your girls came here and I know it wasn't planned but I think it might have been fate or destiny or something you haven't even thought of." Buffy smiled. "I know you and your girls set up here till you could find something better. What if we are that something better?"

Hope looked at Buffy. "You want us to stay here? You mean like for good?"

Buffy nodded looking at Angel and Hope. "You two think about it. What we can do apart is amazing but together."

Willow stood answering Buffy's battle call. "We'd be unstoppable."

Faith who just listened for so long finally gave her two cents. "Listen B I love your fire and your motivation but the world is a big place and to pack all of the power player in Cleveland seems dangerous."

Buffy crossed to Faith and shook her head. "That's just it Faith. You have to stop thinking small. I'm thinking beyond Cleveland. I'm thinking beyond Ohio."

Spike confused spoke up. "Your thinking bigger then a state level. Are you talking intercontinental"

Buffy shook her head. "Again too small Spike. I know we might not get there right away but what if. I mean it's going to sound crazy or arrogant but what if we were protectors for the world."

Xander pointed to Buffy. "That's what we love about you. I mean you could have set your sights for something really high like the universe but no we are just the protectors of the Earth."

Buffy laughed, "I'm serious Xander. I know it seems big and I'm not saying it going to happen over night but I think some day we could get there."

Hope sighed and looked at Buffy. "I can't speak for all my girls. I can't make a choice for them. I will have to talk and see what they say but."

Buffy smiled at Hope. "But?"

Hope crossed the room to Buffy and took her hand "You can count me in."

Dawn teased Hope. "You realize now that you are going to have to find a whole new excuse when it comes time to break up with Xander cause you won't be leaving."

Hope looked at Xander teasing and bit her lip pretending. "Oh God Buffy I might need to rethink this."

Xander for his part got up and crossed to Hope as he stood behind her in a bear hug. "Too late my dear you are stuck with me."

Buffy spun around looking at the last hold out. "Come on Angel and Spike you guys know I'm right."

Spike shrugged. "You don't have to sell me. I'm starting to like this place."

Angel opened his mouth unsure. "Buffy I." He wasn't sure what to say. The plan sounded good in theory but it was change.

Buffy looked at him pleading. "Once upon a time Angel I turned to a scared group of girls and asked them if they were ready to be strong. Well I'm standing in front of you today and saying let's be even stronger."

Angel looked in to her eyes and sighed. "You are really good at these motivational speeches."

Buffy smiled at him. "So?"

Angel stuck out his hand "So I am in." Buffy grabbed it shaking it as the room cheered in applause.

Willow looked on and smiled "There is going to be so much to do."

Xander nodded in agreement. "So many more rooms to finish."

Dawn interjected. "We should come up with a cool name. Like team Ultra Scooby or maybe Scooby 2.0."

Giles stood up. "All of that will have to wait. For now we must focus on everything Gormagon. The very fate of this dimension depends on it."

Faith whispered to Buffy. "I bet he's been waiting this entire time just to say that."

Angel reached under the table pulling out a duffle bag. "I have a few books and ancient texts talking of Gormagon and the ritual we will need to perform. Like I've said he's over 100,000 years old. That means he has conquered over 10 different dimensions. He has never known loss."

Buffy stood firm and looked to the room. "Well he's never faced a force like us. Now let's get started."


	30. Epilogue

(_Want to thank all of you for reading Fragments of me. This story has been a bit of a journey. Once again I had this idea in my head where it ended in one place but by the time I was done I had a totally different idea. The last 4 to 5 weeks I have been working on a follow up/sequel to this story) I want to give 2-3 week break between stories but am excited about what's to come. I hope you enjoyed this enough to follow to the sequel. Again all comments good or bad were always appreciated Special thank to Eckles for giving me the idea.. _)

3 months later

Xander sat on the ledge of the building over looking the city. It was the tallest building in all of Texas. On a clear day you could see for miles. Today wasn't one of those days. The rain pelted Xander and the clouds made for no to little light.

The rain had him soaking wet but he didn't care. Truth be told he didn't even notice the rain. The look on his face said it all. He was a man lost. Lightening filled the sky as if echoing his own pain. From the height of the building he couldn't see the ground.

He thought back to how he got here. The things he had done. The people he had hurt. It was because of him that Dawn was injured. Slayers he had worked with and trusted had turned on him in a second. That wasn't the worst though. It was the look in her eyes. The way Buffy had looked at him. He knew things could never be the same again.

He couldn't go back to Cleveland. He wasn't wanted there and he didn't have another home. He had truly hit rock bottom. He heard the steel access door to the roof open but it didn't move him.

A security guard wearing a rain poncho holding a flashlight stepped to him The man was African American in his early 30's . "Sir. Can you do me a favor here and step away from the ledge?"

Xander took a breath. He heard the man's words but didn't respond. The guard for his part knew these situations had to be taken care of delicately. He looked at Xander. "Why don't you come inside out of the rain pal. I got a fresh pot of coffee and some towels. "

Xander turned and looked at the guard for a second. It was the first time in hours that he moved. The guard looked at him and tried to offer a reassuring smile. He looked to Xander. "What's your name pal."

For his part Xander pulled himself to his feet. He stood on the ledge and finally looked to the guard. He had a look in his eyes that spoke of defeat. The guard recognized it immediately and knew what was coming next. "NO." But it was to late.

In one step Xander leaned forward spreading his arms and legs as the free fall started. He felt the wind on his face. He looked at the ground approaching faster and faster. He finally closed his eyes and his final thought before hitting the ground was "I'm sorry Buffy."


End file.
